My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Rosemary you have got me yawning my head off at the mention of a freshly made bed, am too tired to change mine tonight so I might just pop down to your house.  When I worked/lived in Stockbridge there was a pool in the garden that did used to get emptied every winter and a whole weekend was spent filling it up with a hosepipe at the beginning of the summer.  I was always the first one in and my god was it cold!!! 

Patricia, welcome home.  Along with the others I loved reading about your 'adventure'.  I have seen on FB that Gayle's boys seem to be enjoying the pool today, lovely.  Manda, your photos of Hayley show how gorgeous she is ..... just like her mum heh!

Lesley darling - I know exactly what you mean about those 'teary' days, and the sitting on your own in the silence.  It is a bit as if we used to have a fully Technicolour life and now it is just black and white.  You go and have a lovely time at the caravan with that lovely wee man of yours, and GET SOME PICTURES of your haircut done.

Lynne, oh Lynne .......step-daughters.  Just you carry on doing what you know is best hun, because when they are being like that you know full well you can't win.  So there is absolutely no point in trying to please them, cos if the ain't in the mood, there will be nothing you can do to change that.  you know as well as I do.  Hugs to you.  So glad that you enjoyed last night. 

Work Helen, well done you.  Although surely you must be due a few days off soon mustn't you lol!!  I think it was wise of you to contact Liam's tutor.  You know how up and down we can feel - it will be the same for him and Hat.  Just get yourself a flak jacket - you may well need it in the coming months!!

I now can't remember anything else that you lovely guys wrote ..... sorry.  So I will just say ta ta for now.  Loads of love Judi xxx

Oops - even Nat not Hat!!  Sorry Helen.  J xx

Judes - was it Stockbridge in Hampshire?

Hi everyone.  Try as I might I don't seem to be able to get on here early enough to catch everyon.  I promise to try harder tomorrow night as I am at home tomorrow evening.  I think I have accidently stepped onto my treadmill again when I wasn't looking.  I don't how I got so busy again so soon.  I need to review my '2 evenings of me time each week' policy as it seems to have slipped.  I got lots done in the garden over the weekend in all that lovely sun.  I managed to spray most of the fencing and the deck.  There is a bit to finish but I might get it done before the weekend if the sun keeps shining.

I have seen your dancing on ice photo on FB lynne - looks great.  I might take you up on the offer to come for the charity night you are planning.  It is not all that far for me to get to you I wouldn't have thought.  Good luck with it all.  It is a pity about the family problems again but maybe that is par for the course for some of us.  Although I have not fallen out with any of Chris's family I don't see any of them after all their promises to keep in touch.

Helen what a lovely dream.  I have completely stopped dreaming since Chris died.  I always dreamt a lot when he was alive.  I would love to dream about him but at the same time have been worried about how I would feel when I woke up.  You say that you knew Paul was just visiting in your dream so maybe if I understood the same thing in any dream I might have, I would feel happy to have the dream after all.  Sorry Liam & Nat are having a rough time with GCSE's and A levels.  Sounds like you may just have to keep your head down and be there for them both when the going gets tough.

Gayle thanks for telling me that the tattoos don't really hurt an awful lot.  I am more determined now to sort something out as soon as I have a moment.  I am going to Liverpool next week for a few days with Stu & Suzanne so I will have time to talk to him about it then.  Enjoy your holiday in the sun.

Patricia your recent posts have been so wonderfully descriptive - I love reading them.  Welcome home.  You will have some lovely things to remember over the next few weeks.

Sounds like you have been working hard on the kitchen Bren.  It is difficult working out what to do with weekend sometimes.  I get lonely but I don't want anyone round either - there is just no pleasing me because I can't have what I want.  Lesley I hope you are feeling a bit better than yesterday.  I know what you are saying about just accepting this is how it is now but that is easier said than done.  I was feeling great on Friday but really down last night - there is no pleasing me.  Enjoy your trip to the caravan. 

Judi, Sue, Dot, Dave, Manda, Teri I hope you are all okay - Judi I have been trying to catch up on everyone's facebooking as well but it sound like you have seen things I ahven't found yet so I ahd better have another look tomorrow.  Rosemary your pool sounds great but like it might be quite a bit of work keeping up to it as well.  I was telling my mum & dad about our meeting in May.

Well I really must get off to bed or I will be tired at work tomorrow.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Morning all

Lynne, what date is your charity day and where exactly, pm me.

Rosemary, I don't think there are any easy solutions to my feeling lonely, other than make more of an effort to get out and meet people. I don't find it easy to socialise, never have. It is strange really as part of my job is to teach children how to be friends and the advise them, you can never have too many friends then you will always have someone to play with etc. I never followed any of that advise when I was little and still don't lol. I always just had one best friend then wondered why when we fell out or she was ill, I was left alone! There are just some people like Lynne and many of you, that just always seem to say the right things to people and I am always left wondering, why didn't I think of saying/doing that. Maybe I need a learning mentor!!

Your pool sound fantastic but like you said very time and money consuming. A pool party would be lovely, what fun! I love swimming.

When Sam gets married will you be living alone then? Will Sam and Daniel be close by?

I don't tend to text people as I am rubbish at it, it takes too long and I hate reading back and realising it has decided on the wrong word for me! Also I don't have my phone with me all the time, so when I see a text, it makes me panic that people will think I can't be bothered to reply!

Welcome home to Manda!

I see Fiona is back in cyber world!

I dream most nights now that I am sleeping well but never of Colin. Also keep having anxiety dreams which are not pleasent, mostly around work. Really need to take some control of the work situation but am so frightened of making the wrong choice.

Poor Nat (Hat!) and Liam, it is a hard enough time for them as it is without thinking of this time last year. Have you something nice planned for after the exams Helen? Will you be taking a holiday in the summer?

Can't remember what everyone else has said now but thanks everyone for your support. Think I will go and make some coffee and drink it in my PJs in the garden, lovely sunshine and no rush to be anywhere.... oooops sorry Helen, wasn't rubbing it in, know you are in school today  ;-p  xx

Have a good day all   xxxLesleyxxx

The quickest post ever, am at work but cannot start my day without my 'fix' of seeing how all my chums are - will be on later, promise. 

But I just wanted to say Yes Sue, it was Stockbridge in Hampshire -  North Houghton Manor - it used to be run as a college for foreign students to learn English (and the 'English way of life'!)  Colonel and Mrs Dent used to run it and I was their cook for well over a year, 1982 & 83.  So come on then, do you know the area??????

Judes x

don't know it well, but have stayed there - alan was in business with a guy called bob proctor, who lived with his family in abeautiful bungalow on the edge of stockbridge. we stayed there once - must have been late eighties/ early nineties.  lovely spot!

Sue xx

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your good wishes to Nat Hat and Liam and me of course lol. Sure we ll get through it. Nat has got her prom and going to Magaluf with her friend and family to look forward to after exams and Liam is taking a gap year and going to music festivals over the summer and going to St Helena and South Africa in October to see my brother and family. Think I need to book something for me to look forward to!! Anyone fancy a week in the sun lol???

Ailsa and Gayle if you re going to Lynne s charity bash I have put `maybe`, perhaps we could book somewhere near by to stay. Something else to look forward to. Let me know xx

I ve had another ok day at work and been to the gym, Ailsa I seem to have gone into busy mode again too! Gardening, gym and general running round. When will it all stop lol xx

Will probably be back on later in between taxi driver night for Nat

Speak later

Helen xxx

Hi all

Sorry ive not been on for a while.

Its been atough few weeks with the 6 month aniversary .Freddie has had chicken pox ,and George is on easter hol.

Anyway Fred seems to be better now and George has been doing activitys with his cousin.

So i have actually got a day to myself.The weather has improved,and my mood along with it.

I hope everyone is well.

Thanks Dave xxx

Evening Everyone, so glad to hear form you Dave and hope that your beck with us now in this crazy up and down world , big hugs to the boys . Helen , your more than welcome to come to the do , i wish i could put you up but i dont think i'll be able too but i would sort things out for you this end ..Me me me i fancy a month in the sun lol.. Judi yes we all know what S/D's are , thats why i didn't get emotional when i got the lovely text form one of them in Newcastle , all words obviously . I was talking to my youngest son todaay and he wants to phone them up and try and persuade them to come but i've told him not to , if they have to be forced then it cant mean that much to them Frozen out down here comes to mind but thank goodness i have family and friends here .. I have sent you all an invite but i too dont really expect anyone to travel just for this but if you do yippeeeeee .. Patricia , where are you , how are you doing ?  Hello to everbody else i'll be sticking around just for a change all night lol

Take care

Lynne xxx