My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

You lot are starting early tonight!!!  I am sitting here with my halo on drinking a cup of tea lol.

Finished all my packing and done my housework so just about to jump in a shower and then have a friend over to watch a DVD with. 

Rosemary, that song is particularly poignant for me too.  I bought it for Wully when he was in the hospice because of the bit where its says that even though you can't hear my voice I will be right beside you as Wully hated being away from me and always got scared.  His nephew had the same words tattooed on his back after Wully died when i explained the meaning of it after it was played at the funeral.

Lesley, I don't think you ever get used to it.  I have a male friend (who is definitely just a friend lol - thats not a way of putting it differently) and I was saying to my mum yesterday that it is nice to have him and that it means I could have a guy to go out with who doesn't expect anything romantic and of course her answer is - what do you need a man for?  Well that is easy for you to say when you have never been on your own.  Yes I love my girlfriends to bits but sometimes its just nice to have male company and you can always get a nice cuddle which isn't the same from a girl especially when I feel down.  He comes over at the drop of a hat (even at 2am one morning this week when I was in tears) and just sits and listens to me moaning and keeps me company.  So unfortunately I don't have the answer although my sister suggested tonight I need a male gay best friend lol like sex and the city.

Well I'm off and if I don't get on tomorrow I will speak to you all in a week.  Take care penguins.

Gayle xx

Have a lovely time Gayle and so glad we share a song, it meant so much to me at the time as it seemed to be everywhere whilst Steve was ill and every word was written for us,  I couldn't play it at the funeral but wrote "Run" on the bottom of the card with my flowers, I hope Steve knew what I meant.  I'd love to see your nephews tattoo, do you have any photo's if he doesn't mind?  Daniel had a fantastic tattoo on his back in honour of his dad, it's his Mustang and a tribute in words to Steve, I think you should find it on my Facebook pics. 

What a lovely non-gay best friend you have in this man, you are so right in the hug department I have some lovely girl friends and lots of hugs but there is something about a man hug isn't there?  Anyway have a wonderful holdiay and take care and enjoy yourself xxxxxxxxxxxx

Just went back and caught up on your post Judi, OF COURSE you can have some wine - glug glug glug, splish!  BUT here are some horses doofers for you to nibble at so you don't get too kneebriated.  On to the coffee and Baileys now, Sam thought  I needed a large one as Daniel has just popped in for some clean underwear before work and..... he's shaved his head!  Still looks gorgeous but.... oh my little boy... the b****r!   More Baileys!!!!!

Oh and thank you for your wise words wegarding Wayne the wonderful (well in Sam's eyes), I really do hope he is the nice chap she thinks he is and finds  a spark of life in him somewhere.  He didn't have an easy upbrining and then went into the army at 15 1/2 and has just come out after 8 years so I suppose I have to allow him a bit of lee way.   Oh well, back to the Baileys (Sam has Harry Potter on and I HATE that) see you all tomorrow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gayle, your sister sounds very wise, lol.  If I could tell you how many people have said you don't need to have a man....  Yes, yes I know, but I want a man, my man. I miss his company so much. Like you said maybe those people who say these things have not been with a man, the same man for 30 years and suddenly find themselves alone.

It is not the same for me having friends or family round. I liked him telling me I looked nice, holding doors for me, carrying my bags, everything. Just generally being the kind, thoughtful, protecting and loving man he was.

Your man friend sounds a love, send him down to me while you are away. I can tell him all my woes and he can give me a hug, no strings! Like you I miss male company, I also miss someone phoning to check on me during the day, just to see if I am OK, telling me they can't wait to get home to me. I miss knowing that when I feel lonely, there is going to be an end to it in a matter of minutes or hours. I miss just sharing my space with my man, not speaking, each doing our own thing and being perfectly comfortable and at ease with each other's company. I miss him holding me when I cry and telling me that everything will be alright.

Have a lovely and relaxing holiday Gayle, I am sure your boys will love being out in the sun, take care. xx

Just had a funny email I thought I'd share but read your post and have to give you a big, big hug Lynne xxxxxxx

Think you'll like this though

This could be us........ 
 
A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed  where they should meet for dinner. 
Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant  because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns. (Could this place be in Tenerife Gayle?)
                                  
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again
discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that
 they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there
was very good and the  wine selection was good also. 
                                  
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again
discussed where they  should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat
there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of
the ocean. 
                                  
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again
discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant
was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator. 
                                  
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again
discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never
been there before. 
 
                              
      

Sorry that should be Lesley (hugs to you anyway Lynne xx), I think maybe I have had enough alcohol tonight the "L's" are becoming one!  xxxx

What a funny poem Rosemary - maybe this will be all of us as the years go on.

Lesley, I will send my friend down your way lol.  He is a rugby player so gives great cuddles - like cuddling a big bear.  I know what you mean about the phonecalls and texts and I am sure you have all had a drunken one off Lynne but that made my night - what a sweetie she is and what a sore head she will have a sore head in the morning! 

Rosemary - did you do the Angel Cards for Sam?  I don't like to say anything but sometimes our instints are right and I hope not for your lovely Sam.  I am sure it will work out fine.

Gayle xxx

Meant to say I will try and get a pic of nephews tattoo - don't have one at the moment.

Hi everyone.  Just been trying to catch up and read all your posts.  That was a very weird experience last night - when I suddenly got so tired.  I think I fell asleep while I was typing.  I woke up at least twice thinking I had clicked post and wondering why it hadn't gone.  That was when I decided to go to bed.  I think maybe I was not too well.  During the night I had some bad stomach cramps and was awake for a while.  I re-heated some food for tea and am wondering if it was not heated properly.  Anyway I was still very tired this morning but I went back to bed for an hour at lunchtime and have felt fine ever since.

Gayle have a great holiday.  You are so right about manhugs.  The nearest I can get is from Stu.  He doesn't hug me everythime he sees me but will always give me a hug when I need it.  I don't hink his manhugs will be the same as a manhug from someone who is not related to me but it is the best I can do for now.  Glad you mentioned tattoos again.  I still want to have one done but think I might be a little afraid.  Chris had quite a few and I was thinking about having a duplicate of one of his but now I am thinking words might be better.  there are 2 very special words to chris & I and now I am thinking maybe they are what I should have tattooed.  I will speak to Stu about it as he knows a good tattooist.

Judi, like Helen I couldn't help but smile at your description of the poor guinea pig.  I hope it has all gone okay when they return.  A similar thing happened to my mum & dad when they looked after a budgie for some friends when we were all kids.  The tale still crops up sometimes now.  I think my counsellor might be working in just the way I hoped.  I tell her things I won't say to anyone else for fear of upsetting them.  It seems to be as simple as going over events leading up to losing Chris.  I have some lovely friends, including all of you on here.  I know that quite a few of my friends know how I feel but I still do not like to upset anyone who might be feeling quite upbeat just at that moment.  Although my counsellor seems very nice I don't 'care' about her feelings lke I do other people's feelings.  I think it works as simply as things go round and round and round in my head till I think my head may explode then when I see the counsellor I let all those things out by saying them out loud.  It is like a 'brain dump'.  Whatever it is it seems to be working.  I am calmer and my breathing is perfectly normal.

Judi & Gayle's meeting on the 3rd May iBs before Rosemary and I are due to meet on the 11th may so I wil treat that as a good sign that you will pull off a meeting this time!!!

Lesley sounds like you had a lovely lunch today but I know what you mean about eating alone.  I am especially bad if i have made an effort to make a nice meal as that seems even more wrong than just grabing something quick.  Your doing good with teh gym.  I have been going on my wii fit regulary since Becky was here as she showed me how to use free stepping and still watch TV.  I am catching up on all the things I had recorded but not watched - I usually step for an hour.

Rosemary I have an avon book so i will look for the skin so soft thing as my mum gets eaten alive.

Dot I hope you are starting to recover from your mozzie bites.

Lynne I think you got us all to a T.  Shocking that you know us all so well.  I hope you have a great time at dancing on Ice on Sunday.

My brother and his kids are visiting my mum & dad for the weekend so I am off to meadowhell with them in the morning.  I am having them all round for tea as well.  I want to get somemore work done in the garden so a busy day planned for tomorrow.  Best get off as it has taken me nearly an hour to catch up & post.  Sleep well everyone.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx