My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sorry - I meant to say that I will catch up with all your 'doings' later when I can see better.............but just wanted to leave lots and lots of (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) to comfort you all this morning.  Hope you all have sunshiny days.............Dot xxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone

Lynne you re mad!!!LOL!! Not sure about me being as drunk as ever lol How rude!!! hee hee Love it xxx

Teri so sorry to hear what you re going through. Like already said you dont need any extra upset. Hope you get your decorating done, the best way is to keep busy.

Judi I know what you mean about Fridays, I would look forward to no work but then panic about what I m going to do all weekend. I still do if I m honest if not much planned.

Gayle have a lovely holiday xxx

Patricia hope you re home safe xx

Manda looks like she s having a great time, Lesley what you up to today?

Dotte you enjoy the sunshine too xx

I m going to get up soon(yes still in bed with the lappy, lazy lol) then go to the gym for an hour before I choose my bet for the National. Going to our local to watch the race with friends. Paul and I always went to watch it and the kids so will have a bet for him too xxx

Have a good Saturday everyone

Helen xxx

Morning everyone

Teri darling - just you concentrate on the paint brushes and try not to let any of this surreal stuff get to you.  Your poor son, what a time he is having.  I hope the Boxer dog is doing that wonderful thing that dogs can do and letting everyone take their turn to stoke and de-stress a little. 

It is a beautiful day here, I have all the windows wide open and music playing.  I am just waiting for friends to return from their holiday to Egypt in an hour or so.  I can't even remember if I told you about this already ...... if I have just yawn and skip over it ..... I have been going in each day to look after their menagerie of rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters etc.  All went very smoothly until Monday evening when there was a distinct lack of squeaking from the guinea pig pen.  Yes, you've guessed it - the one that was lying flat out on his front with all four legs splayed out was not taking a long nap ..... arrrggghh.  I did text my friend to let them know, so that they could tell the kids in advance if they wanted but got no reply - until my phone rang in the middle of a meeting at work with a very upset frined who wanted to discuss it in great detail.  Slightly difficult.  Anyway will go and see them this afternoon and explain that 'No, Joey had absolutely nothing to do with the incident'.  "But mum, MUM .... I wuz never near the small fuzzy fing, I wozn't ... "

Apart from that not too much planned, apart from George (the painter) and his wife dropping in again this morning for coffee and to tell me that he has had a cancellation for next week so thought he would come and do my bathroom as he is not very impressed with the temporary paint job I did last year!  Although very unwell, in the last couple of weeks, when I wasn't looking, Ed had very kindly started rippoing/pulling off just enough wallpaper in both the bathroom and the hall and stairs - he said it was so that I had to get them decorated soon and he knew that unless he did something drastic I wouldn't do anything about it!  My darling was a 'one off' in that kind of way.  He can still make me laugh. 

Will be back later so say hi - and Lynne .... me mad ...... never.

Love to all - Judi xxx

Sorry Judi but had a giggle at your description of the guinea pig, all four legs splayed lol!!! Poor thing...R.I.P little guinea pig xx

Glad you ve got things to still laugh about with Ed s memory, I have got so many things that make me smile and giggle about Paul, even in the early days after he died that happened so he has left me with lots of happy memories and that keeps me going xx He always made me laugh xxx

I have got `worse mum` award today from number one daughter because.......I wont let her go and camp in a field tonight in the middle of nowhere!!!!!!!! How mean am I LOL!!!  She is now having a civilised takeaway INSIDE a friends house lol x

Well I have chosen my horses for the Grand National and have even put a bet on for Paul, mad I know but one jumped out for me xx and the bonus is Liam has gone to the bookies cause he s old enough this year lol I used to always go cause Paul wouldnt , scaredy pants!! I soon learnt how to do it, well acted daft and got help!!!

Anyway off to pub soon to watch race and meet friends so speak later or more likely tomorrow lol

Helen xxx

Hello all

Teri, you poor thing, can't believe all of this has blown up because you got to the hospital before the other grandma! After all you and your son have been through, sending you hugs.xxxx

Dottee, hope your eye is feeling better very soon.

Lynne, you are quite mad!!!

Gayle, enjoy your holiday, feel quite jealous!

I have had a busy day, sort of feel I have to keep moving as when I am still, that is when I start to think, then everything goes downhill. Was up fairly early and at the gym before it opened, lol! Then food shopping, a wander around town, bought some new knickers! Went to the cemetary like I said I would and sat in the beautiful sunshine and wrote to my Colin. Then felt sadder and lonlier than ever and had a cry. Came home and ate dinner in the garden, alone  :(   Lovely garlic green lipped mussels, followed by a seafood salad, washed down with glass of icy white wine. I know lots of people live alone and do all of these things alone everyday, so why does it feel so wrong for me to do them, when will it start to feel normal to eat alone?

Having rushed through the day keeping busy, now is the time I hate, activity has stopped, can't think of anything else to do, even on a lovely evening like this. Feeling lonely, very lonely.

Helen, did your horses win?

Love and hugs to all, speak soon, love Lesley x

Evening all, Sue brilliant picture as always, me to a T I must say!  Lynne you total nutter, and remember to tell them we SHARED the Baileys, I am always generous there you know, thoroughly enjoyed patrolling with you.  DOTTEE IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE VERY WELL I WILL WRITE THIS BIG, TO KEEP MOSSIES AWAY USE AVON SKIN SO SOFT DRY OIL LOTION IN THE (WHAT USED TO BE) FOREST FRESH FLAVOUR NOT THE PINK ONE, THE GREEN ONE, WE USE IT DILUTED ON THE HORSES AND APPARENTLY THE ARMY USE IT TOO TO KEEP THE FLIES ETC AWAY.  HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON XXXXXX

Ailsa so pleased the counselling is going well still, I think I would prefer one to one if I ever do it I usually clam up in group situations (yes I bet you don't believe that, I AM quiet, shy and retiring whatever anyone says!).  It's lovely that you can look back on the happy memories too, I think that is when we feel closest to our loved ones like they are remembering with us too. 

Teri more hugs for you dear, and for your son what a silly girl she is being I hope she gets her head sorted soon and you can both see the baby.  Just when you think you have been given enough to deal with it always seems more gets chucked at you doesn't it?  Hug your son, hug the boxer and get the decorating done, know that we are all here and sending you lots of love.

Judi I wish I had some wise words for you, but even though I don't go out to work I know the feeling you have, everyone longs for the weekend but I just see it as "wow another week gone" and just keep going.  I was listening to Leona Lewis today (can't listen to "Run" without total meltdown) her song "It'll all get better in time" and although it is for a different scenario, I almost felt it was Steve telling me something - sounds a bit silly to most people to say that, but you lot know what I mean, you just get this wierd feeling and then the tears welled up and I thought yes it will get better and yes it does hurt as it heals too, "Thought I couldn't live without you, gonna smile because I deserve too" I can see them all telling us just that.  Sorry rambling again and it doesnt have anything to do with weekends does it, just that it came on when I was going to meet a friend for lunch today.

Excuse me whilst I nip off and eat some chocolate cake Sam has just brought me, got to finish the glass of wine first though or it will taste disgusting after the sweet stuff - tomorrow I WILL diet! xxxx

Ha, ha Rosemary, I bet you end up doing what I have just done. Finished my glass of wine for the same reason as you, ate the chocolate trifle and have now given in to another glass of wine!

Must not drink too much, feel as though I could if I let myself tonight. Am in that sort of a mood!

Let me pour you another Lesley, you really can't drink alone so we might as well finish this bottle.  Father in law gave it to me and not only is it a lovely shaped bottle but isn't it a wonderful golden colour?  And it slips down soooooo easily! xxx

Whoa, whoa whoa ... hold up there you two, just cos I am hundreds of miles away doesn't mean that you shouldn't stretch your arms out and fill my glass - it IS a lovely colour, thank you Rosemary.  Was about to make myself some supper but have been totally topsy turvy with eating times today so am not in the slightest hungry so will have some fruit just now to with this lovely wine.  Shlurp .... perfick!

Cheers!  xx