My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Thanks Sue , having a cuppa and then i am going to start i really need to get it finished today to keep to my plan , oh well i'm on plan F now so that doesn;t always work lol xxxx

just a quick post to let you all know that I got a virus on FB, don't open my emails

Hi all, sorry to hge3ar about the virus Bren. Hope you get it sorted. Lynne hope your dad goes on ok. I hope everone is doing ok at the moment. I have not been able to read all the posts as it will take too lonbg. Will catch up when I get home to England.

Here is the next instalment of my trip. I have had no internbet access since last week.

Friday, we moved from Osaka to Kyoto. It is the old capital of Japan. A very busy place. The hotel was amazing. 5 star luxury. I felt totally out of place. The rooms were fabulous. The price per room per night is £200 approx. and we were there for 3 nights. We did however only have to pay half price because the wedding was being held there.

The morning of the wedding we were all up bright and early.  Lots of photos of the bride and groom were taken in the Japanese garden (the bride was wearing the traditionbal Japanese dress - the kimono - which takes over an hour to be put into. Then there were the official "studio" style photos, very 1950's style. After this we went to the wedding area. Everyone is seated at their allotted tables. The brides family are at the back of the room and the guests are seated neare3st to the weddinbg couple. Very different to the uk where the family sit closest to the wedding party. The bride and groom get very6 little chance to eat their meal because people are continually6 going up to them and askinbg to have their photos taken with them. Throughout the meal there are speeches and singing and people give an account of their relationshyip or friendship with the couple and some words of advice on how to have a happy marriage. Kayo's uncle sang a traditional Japanese song of love.(he is 83). There was a presentation of pictures of Kayo and Stuart from birth to present day. Awww how sweet. Then Kayo's friends told tales of how they thought of her. Stuart's best man stood up0 to make a short speech which was translated by a CNN presenter (Kayo's friend). She went around the room pickinbg people to talk about the couple. Stuart's friend Caz and his sister Jennifer were asked (unexpectedly) and then the presenter asked for me. She was surprised when she saw me (goodness knows why) as she thought I was just a friend lol. (Maybe she left her glasses at home).

The bride went off to change into her wedding gown. The lights were dimmed  and then the couple were re-presented to the guests. Now they went rounbd each table to light the candles. After thgis they had to go to each table to have a photo taken with the guests on that table. Now for a bit of drama.....  At the first table, the guests were grouped together, the photo was taken and then THUD... one of the elderly uncles had gone down like a felled tree. Everyone was stunned and he looked dead. Matt (a trainee GP) and myself went over to attend to him. As usual though everyone was crowding him. Relief reigns. Thank goodness he had just fainted. Phew!!!!!!!    The rest 9of the pictures are taken and we continu7e with the meal. The "cake" (which is huge) is cut. But wait..... it is only a cardboard cake. Just for show. Next thinbg I know I amn stood by Mr and Mrs Kabori whilst he gives his speech. Then we have to go and stabnd inb line with the couple whilst everyone leaves and says "Thank you". Each couple leave with a gift as part of the wedding celebration. Not a cheap gift either.  More pictures and then we can leave and go for a rest before the evening do.

Evening comes and we go to the appropriate room. Pay Y5,000 and have food and drink. The bar is supposedly free so of course my lot made the most of it. The be3st whisky, Saki and drambui. Also beer. I had orange juice. The evening wasw very pleasant although the room was only available for 2 hours. It is a very conveyor belt type of place. Weddings are going on all day. The English party carried on their drinking "surprise surprise" ibn the local bars.

Next day I went to find the catholic church for Easter Sunday mass. How lovely, it was a 'sung' mass. When I came out from there I found myself near 'city hall' and there was lots of entertainment going on. In fact there was entertainment all over the city. It was Spring Fair.

In the afternoon I went to the Japanese Tea Dance. You get green tea and sakura (cherry blossom) cake. You watch the 'Geisha' making the tea. (supposedly).  Then we were sent in to the auditorium to watch the 'Geisha' telling a story in dance. Interesting but would not go again. Came back through the local park. Lots of celebrating going on.  So lovely to see people enjoying themselves.

One more night of five star luxury (where you have to pay through the nose for EVERYTHING (hence no internet access) then onto a lesser hotel for one night.

Went up Kyoto tower to take a good look over the city. Very interesting.  The train staion is HUGE and has a set of escalators which go up one after the other for about 10 floors. WOW what a sight.  Lots to do and see anbd not enough time or energy.

Today we went on the 'Bullet Tain' which goes as about 200miles per hour and we travelled to Tokyo. Did the Tokyo undergrounbd and walked forever, dragging my suitcase behind me. Had a rest then went for walk. Found a Zen Bhuddist Temple and spoke with one of the monks. At 6pm it was time for the bell to be sounded and I was allowed to sound the bell. (The monk whom I had spoken to earlier invited me to do so as I had expressed an interest). How lucky was I ? lol. We went for food and am now back in my room and about to go to bed. Soooo...........

Good night. God bless. Be kind to yourselves.

Speak again soon.

Love and angel hugs from this wandering penguin in The Land of the Risisng Sun  x x x Patricia x x x

wow, Patricia, what an amazing experience.

can't wait to see the pics.

Sue xx

Evening everyone.  Just as I promised myself I am on here earlier tonight.  I have been so tried the last couple of times I have posted I have hardly been able to think and have to check later what I said.

Lesley I think I am doing something very similar to you and it is wearing me out most of the time.  I need the order & routine so even though I can't ever imagine wanting to be with anyone else I can't help thinking about what will be expected of me, by me and by others, in the future.  I can guilt trip myself in a moment by not wanting to think about what might happen in the future but then thinking if I don't consider things I will waste my life and that will be bad too.  Too much thinking going on in my head and that is exactly what my friend was trying to tell me.  We need to give ourselves a break but I'm afraid that is often easier said than done.  Good luck with the re-style tomorrow.  Will we get to see anew you on FB?

Lynne - hope the painting got done.  How is your Dad?  I will check FB again shortly to see if you have said xx

Bren thanks for the warning about the virus on FB.  I think there must be more than one knocking about as I had a message from someone I don't know.

Right - I am going to get off and email Rosemary as promised, about my cunning plan to try to visit her.  Speak later.  Take care.  Ailsa xx

Hmmm, we will have to see, Ailsa! I was going to have my hair re-styled ready for going back to work last September but when Colin died I somehow could not face having my hair cut, silly I know but I kept thinking he has touched that hair, weird or what? Anyway have decided to go for a longish bob, almost all one length, I hope it will look OK.

It has been a strange few days, not a negative mood as such but that sense that I am waiting for something to happen has returned. Can't imagine what I might be waiting for, still have the butterflies feeling in my tummy too.

Well might try to get off to sleep soon, as the boy will want feeding in a few hours, he has been sick quite a lot these last few days, not poorly sick just bringing back his milk, so has been taking less milk but more often. I don't mind though, nothing is too much trouble for my little man. x

Evening all , well dad had a rough day , he was kept waiting till about 4 .30 sowhen we got to the hospital for visiting he was still in recovery so we had t wait for him tobe bought back , when we saw him it was as expected he looks like he's been smacked in the mouth with a sledge hammer , but as he was still numb he wasn't in to much pain and was in good spirits . He then proceded to tell us haw they got this dam chain/plate out , it was about 6 ins long but whilst they were getting it out they broke the heads of 2 of the screws (there was 12) he said whilst they we're discussing how to get the screws out he was giving them advice , typical of him , well the've had to leave them in , they might make there own way out or stay where they are . Its only time now that will see if the op was any good . He usually goes down hill the day after a op so we're hoping he does n't this time and he is hoping to be home tommorow but i think it will depend on if his tongue and everything swell again . Any way thank you all for messages and texts they mean a lot .. Yes Ailsa i got the painting done , i was like a demon once i got going , i've got all the upstairs sorted out now , the music room is now a study . I'll start down stairs  tomoorow and then hope the weather is kind and i can getout side done .. Thanks again everybody , going to put the kettle on now xxxxxx

Lynne I'm glad that bit is over with for your Dad.  I hope he gets his wish and is well enough to get home tomorrow - he has been through enough.

Lesley the plan for your hair sounds nice.  Sounds like you are enjoying having Daniel around again.

I think I need an early night tonight, think the weekend is catching up on me.  Helen, Manda, Bren - hope you are all enjoying your time away.  Patricia, your description of your time in Japan so far is brilliant.  It all sounds like a fantastic experience.  It's great to read all about the different way a wedding happens in another country.  Enjoy the time you still have out there and tell us somemore when you can.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Hi everyone

Lynne I am so glad that you got to see and speak to you dad - he sounds like one amazing chap,  giving advice while they are operating!!  I hope that tomorrow is not a downhill day, but a recovery day. 

Teri - I felt so sad when I read your post, huge hugs to you hun.  I obviously don't know the family etc but just wondered if maybe having a word with your daughter-in-law's mum might be one option.  Maybe if she knew how things had been misunderstood she might be able to have a chat and  straighten things out with her daughter.  I can understand how protective your son is being of you, having been through all that you have in recent months, the one shining light is Murray.  I have my fingers crossed that it can get sorted out in some way.  I am sure that a lot of what has happened is pre-wedding stress.  Again, please feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I am fairly sure that all you want is a happy end result with Murray being  part of your life and your son being happy.  In the last year I have decided to 'apologise' for something that I know I haven't actually done in order to have a peaceful life with my step-daughter (ask Lynne, she will tell you all about these things too!) because it seemed the only way to get back on an even keel.  And when I have done that she tends to open up and realise that she sometimes has been quite unreasonable and ends up in tears saying sorry to me! 

I had a text from Fiona and her laptop is playing up, so she is out of touch tonight - something I dread.  Lesley, you have beautiful hair and I think a bob will look wonderful on you.  I know exactly what you mean about that 'waiting for soemthing' feeling - it can be quite unnerving can't it.   Ailsa, stop thinking so much!!!! my brain is hurting for you at the moment.  You are doing an amazing job and will continue to do so ....... ask Bex, she'll tell you. 

Well I am off now to have a coffee.  Loads of love to all - Judi xxx  (Patricia, if I knew how I would say good night in Japanese - just sending a hug instead.)

Hi everyone!!!!!

Lesley as everyone has said you put it all into words so well. Who know what the next 12 months has for us all. Better things lets hope. xx It was 11  months  yesterday since Paul died, the year seems to be quickly approaching.:(

Looking forward to seeing the new hair!!

Judi please dont feel guilty about posting when you`re down. We re all at different stages but still get knocked down when we re least expecting it!! Keep posting, good or bad!!! ((()))

Patricia, sounds like you `re having a great time and Manda too xx

I have just put my photos on facebook, not very exciting!! We had a great time, loved the castle, did a bit of shopping/browsing and have lovely food but more importantly we had a really good chat and heart to heart. Think we both needed that x

Teri I hope you sort things out with your family x

Fiona are you back on line yet?

Lynne hope your Dad is ok today, whats he like advising the doctors lol xx Wonder who that reminds us all of???

Ailsa are you back at work today, hope your day is ok xx

Gayle, Sue, Dave, Rosemary, Dottee and everyone else hope you`re all ok

Helen xxx