My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Teri, so sorry to hear about your lovely Bert. Diffiult days ahead for you. We are all here to try to help you.It is such a very rocky, rollercoaster ride of a journey. I expect you are just having to deal with all the legal issues that such circumstances throw into your path. If there is anything which you need advice over then post here and one of us should be able to help in some way. The first one I can think of is a financial one. Has anyone told you about the bereavement grant and benefit? This is available to anyone under retirement age when their spouse dies. You can find information on this on the DWP site. One of the hardest forms I had to fill in was the tax form which arrived shortly after Ray's death. This was basically tio finalise his tax dues. I went to the local tax office and asked them for help in filling it in. They were very helpful (I can't say the same for the young man at the other end of the phone when I asked for help). I hope this is of some help to you. As for the tears, I expect you are  still be confused as to what has happened. Personally I felt as though I was in a black and white film watching someone else's life unfold before me. It was surreal and even now I cannot believe my situation. All I can really suggest at this time is to take things one second at a time. Be kind to yourself and most of all, if you have family and friends around you then let them give you all the support they can. It is so easy to tel people you are ok... but you are not. Let them know how you really feel. Talk, talk, talk. Most of the ladies on here went into overdrive and got busy doing all sorts of things i.e cleaning, decorating, shopping. I went into apathy mode and did nothing. Lazy? Apathetic? I don't know but I still find motivation tio be very elusive. So dear Teri, welcome to our little group but wso sorry you find the need to be here.

Love and Angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x p.s. I was 'Dev' on the 'whatnow' site.

Lynne, I hope that your day begins to improve a little. These days of  'this time last year' are so very hard to deal with. I know that only too well. ((((((hugs)))))) dear friend.  To have your hopes raised and then dashed again in such a short space of time is unthinkabley sad and devastating. Our poor brains lull us into a false sense of security don't they and make us believe what we want to believe. I have been doing a lot of soulsearching just lately and thinking about whether there was anything we could have done to prevent this devastation fron happening to us. I realise now that we could not have possible known unless we had tests done for everything known to man. Lynne, I feel so bad for you that you are feeling so bad right now. The date for the meet seems to have been heaven sent then. It means that you will be in the centre of the penguin huddle on a day of very bad memories. I do hope that you will find comfort from that. Well my pearls of (so called) wisdom seem to have dried up now so I will leave you with the knowledge that we are all here to offer support, comfort, hugs and to help you through these difficult days.

Love and Angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Lynne, I hope you are feeling better since we spoke at lunchtime, enjoy your evening.

Not much to report tonight, been to my mum's for dinner, proper food, very nice! Had to rush home though as I left Catface out this morning and felt sorry for him, lol. Life ruled by a cat now! Ended up buying him very expensive cat food as compensation!

Anyway very lazy now, laying in bed with electric blanket on and an extremely large glass of red wine. How slutty is that? Must be very careful not to spill the wine on my lovely new white bed sheets!

I think Manda and I will be on the 11:27 from Piccadily, arriving in Newcastle at about 2:30, must check with Manda what time her train arrives in Manchester, so I can meet her.

Hope everyone has had an OK day or better. Love Lesley x

Hi everyone.  Hello Teri.  I am so sorry for your lose and more sorry for the reason that you find yourself on here but I am confident you can find some support on here with all these lovely people.  This is a very open forum for anyone in need to join.  We help each other through our bad days and smile with each other through our better days.  You need to take great care of yourself right now and accept any offers of help from friends and family.

Lynne you have been so lovely to me today through my trauma of going back to the hospital for the first time since our bad news on the 11th Feb last year.  Now I come on here and find you are in every bit as bad a way as I was on the 19th Feb.  I don't think I can say any words that will help but know that we are here as always when you need us.  The timing is good for the meet I am sure as we can have as many hugs as we want on Saturday.  Take care of yourself Lynne and enjoy the x-factor as best you can xx

Bren have a great time on your break and come back to tell us all about it.

Lesley I am thinking I could do with being in bed with a glass of wine right now as I didn't sleep too well last night.  However, I promised to go to a quiz with my mum & dad tonight and can't let them down.  They are giving me a lift to and from the station at the weekend.  I will get an early night tomorrow though so I am not tired on sSaturday.

I had better go and get ready so take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hi everyone

Teri please join us although like already said so sorry you need to be here but this is a lifeline that has helped us all through since we have lost our loved ones x

Lynne big hugs, I had that day last month. Know how you feel (((())))

Ailsa hope today wasnt as bad as you thought xx

2 more sleeps!!!!!! I think I will aim to get there for about 2 - 2.30, obviously depends on traffic. Thank god for my sat nav!!!

Hope everyone has an easy Friday ready for our big weekend

Helen xx

Hi everyone,

Trying to remember what everyone has been talking about!  Manda, glad you managed to do your nan's funeral - it was very brave.  Lynne, sent you a text and you know where I am.  Ailsa, glad you managed through the day - going back to these places is awful so I can imagine how bad it would have been.  Terri - welcome to our mad group.  These ladies are an inspiration and you will find great support on here and so sorry about your loss and finding you on here.  Please feel free to rant and rave on here as often just writing it helps.  Bren - enjoy your trip away.  Judi - I'm going to the cinema so definitely no hangover here.  I plan on spending several hours in bed tomorrow during the day but my friend was laughing at me saying that she doesn't think it works like that and that you can do sleeping in advance.  Well I'm going to give it a try lol!  Dave - looking forward to our next meet which is now the Isle of Wight lol!!!!

Speak to you all soon (and even better see you all soon!!!!)

Gayle xx

Evening all - and welcome to Teri though am sorry that any of us have the need to be here at all. I don't feel i can add anything to what has already been said - but I'm well known for leaving (((((hugs))))) and good wishes at odd times when folks need them most............so Love and comforting ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) just for you xx

Lynne and Ailsa - I hope your days have gone by quickly and that you are doing better tonight.............

Bren - enjoy your break ..............xx

Sorry gone blank again - but would just like to say that I hope you enjoy Newcastle this weekend and look forward to hearing all about it next week...........

Take care all.  Love and ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone, but especially Teri, I have followed your and Bertie's brave battle for quite a while now hun and just want to wish you much love.  You have been SO marvellous and so strong for such a long time, please don't expect too much of yourself for quite a while.  One day at a time, at your own pace. 

Lynne my darling I am desparate to give you a big squeeze - I will wait til Saturday but unitl then know that I am thinking of you.  Bren I hope that you enjoy your break, I am glad that you ahve your BIL to look after you dog.  Of course we will raise a glass to you and all our other wonderful friends here.  Ailsa, well done you - you managed, not that we thought for one minute that you wouldn't.  Patrica, one more shift hun.  Try to stick to your guns and just do what you can and don't let them drag you down.  Lesley - red wine and white sheets .... very brave.  I am so glad that your back seems to be improving - just cossett yourself until the weekend hun.   Helen my dad gave me his old satnav at the weekend.  They often tow a caravan and he has bought one that you can put in specifics re the length of vehicle etc so he doesn't get sent down narrow, windy roads again!  Not sure if I will ever drive far enough to need it though!  Rosemary I hope that you have managed to enjoy your trip to Cornwall and that Samantha is doing ok.  ((((((  ))))).  Sue, love to you too, and Quill hope you and Charlotte and doing ok.   Gayle, I don't see anything wrong with your theory of catching up with sleep beforehand at all!

Well today I went to Debenhams to treat myself to a couple of new tops ...... yes to bring with me (well it saves me having to iron anything!) However I am quite sure that the mirrors they have in our store are those sneaky, slimming ones - because when I got home and tried them again two of them are going straight back ..... awful!

Very busy at work - I keep having little panics when I am told of all the new things that will be my responsibility.  It is that old 'where has my self confidence gone' thing.  I am learning to stop and take a few breaths and imagine Ed laughingly saying "Come on Judes, you know full well if all those others sitting at the desks around you can do it - you certainly can!" 

I have looked out my train tickets but they dont' tell me what time I arrive, so after I post this I will find out.  I have a feeling that it is similar to Manda and Lesley.  I have your numbers so we will work something out. 

Off to bed now, will be on tomorrow to say hi.  Love to all and everyone.  Judi xx

Morning all BIG THANK YOU for all yourmessages of support yesterday , dam these dates but i know there is going to be a lot more for us all , just going to try my best to get through them without thinking to much , i'm going on Gayles therory if she can sleep in advance i want all my hugs in advance from the weekend , that shoud be enough to get me through till July and if i run out of hugs we#ll ahve to have another weekend quickly . I'll also offer hugs back lol . X`factor was great but ki'll admit i did have rather a lot of wine (not like me at all ) i really didn't want to spoil it for the otheres , my daughter informed me that it was her first ever concert si i really wanter her to enjoy it , and she did .

Well not be long now , i hope today goes fast for those of you that are at work .. Speak later xxx Lynne xxx

Morning All, Just a quick post as i am off to work soon. Welcome Teri please keep posting on here as it is a life line, i couldn't have done without it. Well our meet is nearly here and can't wait. Bag packed but will probably have it emptied again and re packed a thousand times ( o i wished i had tried to loose weight ) I do hope it's a nice weekend we have had a lovely spell of sunshine.  Luv and Hugs to everyone as not got time to mention you all. Well i better get off to work see you all tomorrow Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx