My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Thanks Lynne & Manda.  I had a cider instead of a coffee - one won't hurt!

Judi I hope you car isn't too badly hurt by the potholes.  They are really bad round here as well.  I bet it looks really odd when I dodge them in my van with it being fairly big.  Fiona I hope Charlie is not to bad with his cold.

Bren I am glad the meeting for the counselling went well.  I think I had a similar problem to you Manda.  I was sure I was put on a list for counselling in 'about 6 months' but I have never heard anything since.

Gayle you sound so busy - even more than I have been as you have the little ones as well.  It sounds like it is how you need to be though so just take care of yourself and enjoy your Friday night out.  Helen I am sorry to hear your friend is ill with cancer.  I wish her all the luck in the world in her fight against it.  Two consultants want to meet you about the charity fundraiser - daunting as it may seem steel yourself and go.  You will be so proud of yourself when you pull it off and Paul, Nat & Liam will be even more proud.

Manda you did really well attending your Nan's funeral because I know how hard it was for you.  It was a huge tribute to your Nan that you went.  Enjoy your Gran Canaria holiday - I think it will probably help to be away for the 6 mth anniversary as you are with people who care.

Patricia I hope your shift is going okay tonight.  You do a fantastic job so just remember that.  Hi Dot - hope you have managed to get all the glass & fruit cleared up.  Looks like my youngest daughter is doing Ponte RFL with me now as Wakefield if full.

Hi Dave - we will definately have to get you along to the next meet even if that means coming to you.  Lynne I am hoping for more meets and get-togethers.

Lesley my pilates is very slow to begin with and most of it is around stretching alot but slowly.  It is all about strengthening my core muscles to support my back and avoid future injury.

Well I should try to go to bed.  I don't think I am going to sleep to well tonight but I will try as I need to be fresh for the weekend.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

I knew I would forget something.  Rosemary as you have to go tomorrow you should try to enjoy yourself and I am sure you could do with the break.  I am not going to say anymore than that as I have not met Samantha.  Phone home regularly to check but other than that I am sure I can't say anything that makes you feel any better.  You deserve this short break though.  ((((((hugs)))))) Ailsa x

Hi everyone.

Rosemary loads and loads of love to you, it is SO difficult when you are trying to look after your babies (and I think they are babies forever) and yet letting them grow up.  I understand exactly about 'doing the silly stuff' to keep you head above water.  Keep doggy paddling hun.  And nobody ever said that our reasoning had to be logical did they!

Gayle, don't you even THINK of turning up with a hangover - I want to have a fully functioning Gayle at the meet!  So skip the housework, have a rest then and you can still have a good time on Friday ..... just not as good as when you meet us.

Manda you have been amazing this week - so proud of you for managing to go to Nan's funeral.  Helen, I think that if they are the kind of consultants that realise that what you are doing is very special and want to meet you, then they will also be the type to understand completely if you find it very emotional.   Ailsa hun, squidgy hugs, it will be over by this time tomorrow.  I understand what you say about going into the hospital.  I had no choice the first time as Ed's sister had had a mild heart attack.  Her husband died there very suddenly three months before Ed and she had not been there since then, so we were both crying and laughing about the fact that she had dragged us there.  My fear, as odd as it might sound, is not bumping into Ed's consultant or doctor ... it is seeing them and them walking past me and not remembering Ed - that would make me mad and sad.  To me everything else stopped that day so I would find it hard to understand if others who were 'involved' in that time had forgotten.

Dave - I have always wanted to go the the Isle of Wight, so watch out.  When I was twelve my dad told us we were going there on holiday with the caravan and I got very excited because there is a beach there which has different coloured sands and you could get test tubes with layers of them in.  Anyway, as my Dad often used to do, he surprised us all (including my mum) by taking us all to Norway instead ......... apparently I sulked for two days cos I wanted my sand test tube!   My dad was always doing things like that.  On their 25th wedding anniversary when I was 18, my sister 21 and my brother 23 he arranged a trip to Majorca for us all without telling us.  We all lived and worked away from home, my brother worked in the city, and my dad spoke to all our bosses, made travel arrangements etc and we were told the day before to pack a bag for four days.  We were then all individually picked up by taxi, taken to Luton Airport and taken on the plane as unaccompanied children!!!  We ended up in a beautiful hotel in Palma booked in as Shadrake, Meldrum and Jones!  In our rooms there was a note from hotel management to be at a certain table at 8pm and my dad brought my mum there at 8.15 - she hadn't known a thing about it.  He had told her he was taking her to Chester shopping and packed her case and everything!

Dottee - 'I am putting you all on the map' thank you for your contribution!  Lynne you are the original Supagran aren't you.   Patricia, as long as you are having some smiles and giggles then the tears are ok hun.  Sue, hi to you and Napoleon xxxxxxx.   Quill, Lesley, Fiona and everyone else Hig Bugs. 

Judi xxxxxx

Goodnight my friends

Oh dear such a sad set of posts. My arms just don't stretch far enough to embrace you all at once so PLEASE form an orderly queue. No pushing, there are enough hugs to go round (and more than once or even twice).

Well one shift down, one to go. A better shift as regards not getting upset. Unfortunately the work is relentless and for some just never seems to be enough. Ah we well, can't please everyone can we?

Ailsa, I hope the mammogram visit was uneventful. ((((hugs))))).

Manda, are you thinking of renting your house out as a holiday let?? You could make money whilst you are away on your jaunts (only joking) lol.  Well done for going to your nan's funeral. I am so glad you did it because you might have regreted it in the future. I know there are some that I missed and have regretted ever since. So well done (((((hugs))))).

Have the best day you can. I am going to TRY to sleep for more than an hour. mmm..... I wonder.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone I am not sure if this is an open forum or if you need to join.

I lost my husband  2 weeks ago taday and it fells like he has been gone forever.nI can't sleep or eat. can't concentrate for more than a few minutes.

Don't know what else to write sorry

Teri

Hi Teri, so nice to see you here, although wish you didn't have to be here. I told my friends on here you might join us, I hope you find as much support as I have, they are a very lovely bunch of ladies and a couple of men too.

Hugs to you xxx

Welcome Teri , i'm so sorry you have had to join us but now that your here i hope you get the support that i have on here . Its so so early days and i dont even want to think about those early days , but my heart goes out to you . Read the old posts on here and you'll see that we are all so up and down but just posting on here helps as it gets things in the open . I dont have much time now but just wanted to say hi , and the lovely ladies will be along later . Please stay with us and keep posting ..

Take care 

Lynne xxx

Hi Teri

Welcome and sorry you have to join us in this way.  It is very early days for you and I know the pain is so very raw.  There are no words to help but these ladies and Dave are such wonderful support, we will help you through. 
I am on my last day of work and am off to Mississauga - west end of Toronto tonight to stay with BIL and leave the dog there and then to Albany tomorrow.  Looking forward to getting away for a few days.

Penguins, enjoy your meet, I will be thinking of you and raise a glass for me.

Bren

Afternoon all , Bren enjoy your break and we will certainly have a drink to you and all our other penguin friends who cant make it this time . Patricia i do hope you've had a good sleep (probably not eh) . I'll apologisefor the ramble now but this is the only way i can get all this off my chest and then hopefully i can get on with the rest of the day . I woke up this morning and it came into my head straigt away was today a year ago that they had told Gordon that his cancer was terminal and he would probably have 1 to 2 years .But the consultant said he could go on a new trial (stutent) he would be the 1st man in the country to go on this trial . it was the 1st time it had been used on prostate cancer . So we didn't give up hope , because he was the 1st man to try it we we're really hopefull that he would be a pioneer and live forever . Well during all the pre trial tests that is where they didscovered he had a bllod clot in his lung . That was in early may so the trial couldn't go ahead , we we're devastated that was our last hope , the consultant put him on another hormone drug (he called it his last resort drug) well from there on it was down hill and he lived 16 weeks . Sorry to go over this , but the tears wont stop so i'm hoping this will help . RThe 13th march was actually the first day that we both went off sick and i didn't know that i wouldn't be going back untill after i'd lost him . I was waiting for him to get a bit better with the new drug . God how stupid was i , even thinking i would go back . I,m supposed to be going to the x factor tonight with my sis , daughter nad neices but i just keep remembering Gordon came with us last year (under sufference ) it wasn't his kind of music really . Any way i'm going to pick my daughter up from work , hope my puffy eyes have gone down and hopefully my fight will come back . Ailsa , so glad you got through your hospittal visit and even managed a little sit on your bench , i've spent some time in mine today but its just making me worse . Speak later .. Hugs xxxxx