My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Bren, so pleased to hear that you have found a support group. I hope you find it beneficial. It is strange how lostening to other people can make you realise that you are really not alone in your grief. It is not that we want others to feel as we do, just that we want to know that we are not the only ones feeling this way.

Lesley I hope you are feeling a little better today. Is your back any better?  Have you got all your friends back now?

Hazel, I know you read this thread, I hope that you are finding some comfort from it. Please chip in at any time to let us know how you are and how you are feeling. Good and not so good news is always welcome. We are all here to support each other and it would be nice to get to know you. x x

Rosemary, Sue, you are very quiet just lately. Love and hugs to you both.

Gayle, I worry about you. You are always living life in such a whirlwind, when do you get a chance to relax?? Please take care and give yourself a little 'me' time which does not include being away on work related trips. (lecture over). x x

Dottee, how are you and Alan these days. I have missed you.

Fiona, Ailsa, Lynne, Judi, Helen, Manda, Dave, have the best day you can. Not easy I know but do please try to keep your heads above water. If you can't swim then you better learn quickly. It is surprising what you can do when you have to.

If I have missed anyone off (and that is quite likely) then I am sorry but you are included anyway.

I hope your week is going well. I  myself am having an up and down time at the minute. Laughing and smiling one second, tearful and sometimes sobbing the next. grrrr......  I have work tonight and have decided that I am just going to do what I have to do and keep my head down for anything else. I refuse to fight with the management anymore. It does me no good at all on a personal level. Why should I put myself through all that and then feel bad for days? Sooo..... as long as my charges are safe then that is all I care about.  Sorry if this makes no sense.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Afternoon girls - and Dave - just a quick visit to leave some ((((((hugs)))))) for those in need today.  I'm off to work soon - but hope to be back here again tonight!!!!

We're both OK - Alan is much better than he was and I'm still lurching from crisis to crisis - as usual!!!!!!!  The latest - I broke a big jar full of dried fruit that I have for 'nibbles' - not the usual cake fruit but lovely big juicy raisins and sultanas!!!  Now all is full of glass and in the bin................Heyho!!!!!  Always have been clumsy!!!!!!

The retired brain cell is rfusing to function again and I don't understand my notes!!  But I think someone(??) is creating a map of us............I'm in Barnsley, Sth Yorks..........I think you may now have a 'cluster' of Yorkshire lasses???

Must go now...........Love and (((((((hugs)))))))) to all that look in here.............

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Everyone,

Sounds like we are all do relatively okay this week which is good.  Glad to hear people are finding support from groups.  I too was invited a couple of times to go to the hospice but to be honest I couldn't set foot in the place again - last time I did it made me ill for weeks (not sleeping or eating) plus I too feel that a stranger isn't going to say anything that can bring Wully back.  You lot are all I need x

I don't have time to relax Patricia lol.  Another really busy week this week and off out again in the car tomorrow but just to Falkirk which is about 2-3 hour round trip.  My work is manic at the moment plus I seem to have loads of social plans too so all a bit of a whirlwind.  Busy day tomorrow and then busy on Friday with housework, etc because of the meet (won't get a chance) then out Friday night (I will try to be good lol), then meeting my lovely friends!!  And it all starts again Monday next week :-)  Never mind - I'm going to Tenerife in 4 weeks time so I can relax then for a week by the pool with a cocktail or two!

Take care everyone

Gayle xx

Afternoon/evening everyone

3 MORE SLEEPS!!!!!!!!!

As some of you know from facebook I had bad news from an old friend yesterday, I was actually her Nanny for 5 years looking after her lovely little girl (another Helen lol!!) she has got breast cancer. She has had her op and now waiting for chemo and radiotherapy. She sounds in good spirits but Helen gets married in December and she was jokingly saying she will have to get a wig to match her wedding outifit. Its just so unfair isnt it??Sick of hearing about it xx Anyway always positive and hope she will make a quick and full recovery xx

I am carrying on with plans for Paul s fundraising night and been in contact with the university where they are doing the research and our money raised will be donated to. I have got an e mail today saying that the 2 consultants would very much like to meet with me, they werent Paul`s consultants but are in the same hospital and lead the research for head and neck cancer. I was surprised really and not sure about meeting them. I will have to think about it, might be emotional but I suppose if anything involved with Paul`s treatment etc can help the research it may be a positive thing.

Lynne I m glad you re enjoying your week off, hope everyone else has had a good day

Helen xxx

Evening ladies , glad youve posted Gayle i was just on my way to visit you and make you slow down , lol you have a good night friday and lets not here any talk of being good lol . Helen , so sorry about your friend , my friend Jill has also got breast cancer , she has had all treatment and doing really well , i do worry about her tho , everytime she has a twinge or a pain i get a knot in my stomach , but there is nothing to say its going to come back , some people do get over this dam illness dont they ? . Thank you for all the comments on my status on face book , i saw the words this morning and i think they we're spot on and i know we could all relate to them . All the ladies that have commented except  1 and that is my friend Jill have also lost their husbands . They are all friends of Elayne who i got talking to in July , she lost her husband 3 days before i lost Gordon and now i think half of my friends on F/b are widows . I' ve had a lovely day with Maddie and had my tea cooked by my daughter , i like this holiday buisness.. Just going to put some photos on F'b . Hope everybody else has had a good day too .. Dave dont be inviting people over ha ha we might just all come lol xxxx lynne xxxx

Hello Everyone

Thanks for all your support on Facebook over the last few days... It's been tough week but at least it's nearly Saturday!

I spoke to the hospice this morning, and it turns out they never got my paperwork so I haven't got my name down on the waiting list yet! If I hadn't chased them (again - 3rd time's a charm) I would never have got anywhere! They were only contacting me to say they were resending the forms and would make sure I was next on the waiting list...

Just got back in from Nan's funeral. I went to the church and the wake, but I couldn't bring myself to go to the crem - it's just way to sson for me. Hayley decided not to go at all, but I think eveyone understood. It was difficult, but it's done with now. I am glad I went for my Mum's sake as much as anything else, her family has been divided for a long time so it was very difficult for her.

H and I are off to Gran Canaria with my Mum and Dad at easter. We'll be away for the 'six month' mark. Don't know if that a good thing or a bad thing, but surely it can't make it any worse for us!

manda xx

Hi all, sorry have been a bit quiet here, I have been reading all your news (and being silly via Facebook) just been feeling a bit strange and not able to find the words to express anything, hence the sillies elsewhere which keeps head above water and makes the average people think I'm doing ok.  I think I am just trying to deal with feeling Samantha and Daniel both moving on and away in their seperate ways and it is frightening to feel that I'm not and also that when I ever thought of them doing all this I always thought Steve would be at my side.  It's not to be and I am beginning to cope with day to day life, but .... oh I don't know I suppose "but" sums it up rather. 

I'm going to Cornwall for the day tomorrow and staying overnight, this sort of happened and snowballed on me at the yard today and as Daniel is staying here still and Sam insisted I go I thought it would be alright (as you know I worry about leaving her more than Daniel as she is often a lot younger and more insecure than her age suggests), low and behold Daniel is going out early to work with a mate, might be in during the afternoon, probably not for dinner and then taking on an extra shift at the club so will be working 9.30 p.m til 3 a.m.  When I said I thought he would be around for his sister he just shrugged and said why doesn't she get her boyfriend over?  I just can't believe how careless he is in his feeings and keep finding over and over how I don't have him to rely on very often - although he would be gutted if I said that - I just wish I wasn't going now, there isn't any point really and it just seemed like a break from normal and a mad spur of the moment thing.  I can't cancel as we are flying Gatwick to Newquay (would be 5 hours driving each way otherwise) so I will have to go.  I think Wayne (the boyfriend) is coming over, but not til 9 o'clock, even he can't be relied on to be there for her (ok he might have had other plans in the first place, that's not the point).

Sorry moaning and ranting and there are far more serious things in the world.  I will be back Friday, take care til then and I hope you are all ok, lots of love and hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone.  I have read everyone's posts but seem to be struggling to start answering tonight.  I am going to the hospital for a routine mammogram tomorrow morning.  It will be the first time I have been to the hospital since the 11th of Feb last year when we were told Chris was not going to get better.  Think I am having a bit of a thing because of that.  I have no reason to be concerned about tomorrow other than walking into the hospital.  I am terrified of bumping into anyone who treated or looked after Chris.  I need to get a grip as there are far worse things happening for other right now.  I am going to go and make a coffee as the tears have started again.  This is stupid.  I'll be back shortly.  Ailsa xx

Think its time for Ailsa ,Rosemary and Amanda to gointo the middle . i've got no words of advice i'm sorry , just to say we're all here for you xxxxx

Ailsa it's not stupid - it's just how you feel, and that's OK. I can totally understand what you mean about not wanting to bump into anyone who treated Chris... I bumped into one of the health care assistants who was on Miles' ward at the hospice and completely lost it. We were in Morrisons at the time so it was a bit embarassing.

Big hugs to you hun, will be thinking of you tomorrow. xx