My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone,

Ailsa - good point about the restaurant as it is such a big party too.  Hope you are doing ok now Lynne with all your mishaps.  Thanks for the texts this morning - really cheered me up so my day went okay.  Could feel the tears when we sang happy birthday but held them back.  I cried at birthdays before Wully died as I kept thinking is this the last one he will see because he was ill for so long so nothing new there. 

My mum and dad are okay about crying and to be honest are the only people I cry in front of.  I hate doing it though as I don't like them worrying but they adored Wully and whilst my mum gets upset when I do it is in a different way - just a normal nice way.  She said to me yesterday that she knows I am tough and coping well so I know they understand that the tears are just normal.  I don't know what I would do without them to be honest as my mum is my best friend.  She phones me every night if I haven't seen her on the pretence of something or other but I know she is just checking up on me.

Ewan had a great day.  He got a kitchen as you will have seen and a microwave so hopefully he wants to be a chef and will cook for me lol!!!  He got loads of other stuff (spoiled I know) and a big racetrack which we had great fun playing with - just the two of us spending some quality time which is very rare so it was nice.  Also meant to say that Macdonalds toys in happy meals at the moment are penguins if anyone is looking for one!

Off to watch some tv before bed.

Take care everyone

Gayle xx

Hi everyone

Ailsa I think that you are right about booking a table.  I have visions of the other guests looking at us and being very bemused ......... as one minute we could all be laughing our heads off and then the next all in tears and then laughing again.  Could easily happen!

Gayle, it sounds as if you made Ewen's birthday very special hun.  I am so glad that your mum is you best mate - and she is quite right to be checking up that you are ok ...... you will be doing that to the boys in years to come.  I am always finding excuses to text and email Boy. 

My latest is that I am going to text and email everyday with just the word PASSPORT.  His ran out about three years ago and some friends and he are talking about going to Morroco in May for a week, it would be just like him to have everything planned but not quite got round to getting his passport!

He also reminded me (well I say reminded me, but to be honest I hardly remember mentioning it) that I had said that I might go back to visit the Greek island that I lived on in the early 80s.  And he now has said that he would like the two of us to go this summer.  I keep being told by dad and friends that I need a holiday (I don't particularly feel the need as to me a holiday is something I loved with Ed, and I can't quite think of where or what I would like to do now) but this seems quite different, I think I may like to do that with Boy.  Although I am not daft, and do realise, that although he says he would like to just chill out in the sun etc after a few days of sedate evening meals and a few drinks with his mum he may crave for a bit of highlife so a week would probably be long enough for him.

Six more sleeps - Lesley and Manda - am I right in thinking that you get into Newcastle at about 2? I am goig to look out my tickets to see what time exactly I get in at.  I do know that on the way down I get on in Aberdeen and don't have to change, so I think it might be a London train I am getting, I don't know where else it could be going that I don't have to change!!  Not quite the same story on the way back and I am quite expecting some of the way back to be spent on a coach, as they just LOVE to do repairs on a Sunday up here and make you travel by coach!

Lynne, enjoy your week off.  To everyone loads of love.

Judi xxx

Just dropping by to say hi x x x

Hi all

Judi, I think it is around 2, Manda told me yesterday but I have forgotten again! Are we meeting you at the station? You are so right about the passport. Danny, who lives in America, let his passport run out and I kept reminding him to get it sorted but being a male he didn't quite get round to it. When we went out to see him in August last year, I had a bit of a go at him and said what if something was to happen and you needed to return home quickly? Well he learnt his lesson the hard way, just one month later, when his dad got taken into HDU, I phoned Dan to come straight away, of course he still had no passport. As it happens he would not have made it in time anyway as Colin died only 4 hours after the call. Luckily immigration gave him a special pass to re-enter the UK for the funeral but then he had to do a lot of running about to Liverpool to get a passport to go home. He will have to be even more on the ball now as yesterday he became an American citizen, so he will have duel nationality and two passports to keep updated!

Have a good day everyone, will hopefully look in later. xx

Morning All , well i thought i was early but you beat me this morning Lesley , its a deffinate shopping day today , can i tempt you ?  . My day wasn't that bad even though i had my few mishaps and a trip to the dentist for a filling  . I always new (well was hoping) that it was just the trip switch that had tripped i just couldn't get the front cover off the box , my sont ook about 15 seconds lol and as for the rat i found all i can say is that the stray cat i've been feeding for a couple of months now is not doing his job properly , he'd better pull his socks up or she'll be back on tinned cat food and not the chicken/pork /ham and tuna she's been having .    I'd had a few laughs with Gayle by text in the morning , i'm so glad you got through the day ok Gayle , Ewen is so cute its a lovely photo on F/B . I got a suprise in the afternoon when a lovely lady called Patricia called me , i expected a lady with a broad yorkshire accent (ha ha ) what did i get a lovely accent but than i was treat to her Irish , Scottish oh what was the other accent  Patricia , you could keep me amused for hours lol . I enjoyed our chat and so glad you phoned your boss too . I'm shopping and baby sitting today and Ailsa i will be spending abit more time on the bench , hopefully the flowers i put there yesterday wont be frozen today . Judi , how is your map coming on now ? are you back at work now , i do the same to one of my sons all the time with the texts to him of things , the other 1 is ok and my daughter texts me to remind me to keep breathing lol ... I even cleaned the car out inside and out yesterday , dont you feel better when thats done . Anyway no doubt i'll be back later . Have a good day everyone xxxxxxx

Wish me luck, I am going to meet with a lady about a support group.  I have been waiting since November for this group to start and she doesn't know if there is room for me in it but wants to meet with me this morning.  I can't believe how nervous I am.  I was awake at 4 this morning and almost got up then, my tummy hurts and I just want this meeting over.  Imagine if I get into the group how I will feel!. 

Good luck Bren with your meeting i hope it goes well xxx Lynne xxxxx

Good luck Bren - I hope you get a place in the group... I have just come in from work to find a message from our hospice asking me to ring them tomorrow about their bereavement services. Hopefully we will both get  a good result! xx

Lynne - it's supposed to be your week off - that means shopping not cleaning the car! xx

Will pop back later.... Manda xx

Hi all

Bren & Manda, good luck with your support groups, I have found mine really helpful, I hope you do too. x

Ailsa, thanks for organising the table on Saturday.

Sorry I didn't reply to those who sent texts yesterday, I keep forgetting to check my phone, it's new, my old phone used to bleep until I looked at a new message, it drove me mad but at least I did not miss any!

Have been very lazy tonight and been to local indian for a kebeb for dinner! Feel too full now and wish I hadn't!

Lynne you could come and do my car, it really needs a good clean inside and out, it's the next job on my to do list. I really don't know how it gets so dusty etc as there is no junk in it, I don't ever eat in it, all I do is drive there and back, where does the dirt come from?

Well should be busy now for the next few nights. I am off to the gym tomorrow, my mum's for dinner on Thursday and then packing etc for big meet on Friday.

Hope everyone is doing OK, speak later, love Lesley x

URGENT, disaster!

Half of my friends have vanished from my friends list, if you have gone please will you add me again? I don't know how that has happened.  :-((((