My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Ooh Lynne, that sounds painful. Glad its getting bit easier you poor thing xx

Patricia, ike you say another 1st out of the way. Something we ve all got to do, well done xxx

Esme glad DANIEL will be back lol, where abouts are you again? So sorry we wont meet you this time.

Judi hope day 3 was ok, you will be sooooo ready for the weekend to come xx

Yes I think we are still all keeping far too busy, but it is still the only way I find to get through the days. Dont like having too much time to think still. I m off to a friend`s tonight for coffee and a chat. Been to the gym after work too.

Ailsa is tonight your quiet night?, Avatar was fab and Nat enjoyed Valentines Day with friends. Will help you re enact Avatar lol!!! Not sure about painting myself blue though Judi!! Will leave that to you hee hee xxx

Bren stay in the middle, it s not easy some days xxx Hang in there

Gayle how are you this week?

Sue are you busy at work? We ve been busy painting spring flowers with our little darlings!!Such great artists xx

Hope everyone else is ok, Lesley glad your back is getting bit better. Manda how are you?

Bug higs, off out soon. Speak soon

Helen xxx

Evening everyone.  Lesley that is great that your back is a little more well today.  Keep it up.  I am at the hairdressers (for the same reason!!) on Saturday.  We had snow on Tuesday morning so that instead of half an hour it took me an hour and a half to get to work.  I really hope that is the last.  Enjoy the sunshine.  I can't wait to be able to get out in the garden again.

Lynne I am really glad you got your rings off.  I wear Chris's wedding ring as well!  It's a bit big for me so I keep it in place with another one I have of my grandma's.  I can't believe you didn't do as you were told and go to the doctors.  Do you know what has caused the problem?

Bren I am glad you have some good weather.  I think like Rosemary says, we feel bad when we feel bad and bad when we feel good!  I feel as though I am letting Chris down when I 'wallow' as he would want me to live life to the full for us both but then I feel guilty on good days as if I have no right to good days if he can't enjoy them as well.  There doesn't seem to be any way to win most days so I hope that get easier with time.

I bet Charlie is so much fun now Fiona.  I was going to try to lose some weight as well but like you say - too late now.  You will have to take me as you find me I'm afraid.

Rosemary I am going to tell Becky I will be taking some time out from the house move at the end of April to visit with you - see you then.  It look's like Patricia and I will be meeting up this Friday afternoon as well.  I am really looking forward to that.  I will speak to some of the people I work with so that they can tell me the best place for us to meet so that we don't miss each other Patricia.

I hope everyone else is okay this evening.  Hi Dot, Sue, Gayle, Manda, Helen, Judi, Janice, Dave - hope you are all okay.  Ailsa xx 

Hi everyone

An absolutely shattered Judes here - how pathetic am I!!  No, seriously I really am enjoying my work but having been part-time for over four years, and I have to say that Ed was wonderful at cooking supper and helping with (for that read doing most of) the housework - not cos I am lazy he was just particularly good at it - I am wondering if I will ever have the time to do anything again!!  When do full-timers do all the 'stuff' that you have to do between the hours of 9-5 on a weekday, like phone the bank, arrange house insurance etc!!  By the time I have done all my walking I just want to sit!!  Bren - run, run, RUN - what do you think my name is ........ Helen.  I don't think so!!   

Lynne - I am noticing that there is a distinct lack of the mention of doctors, medical attention, first aid, diagnotics going on here.  I think you have to go and find out why your fingers became swollen. 

Ed really didn't do possessions at all - he always said he didn't need 'stuff', so when he died I decided to have his wedding ring made into something for his two girls for Christmas.  He had already asked that Boy be given his signet ring that he had been given for his 21st, Boy now wears it on a leather thong around his neck.  So I took Ed's ring to a jeweller along with the Emeralds from a ring that had been his mothers and they made them into two very different necklaces - two VERY different girls you see.  It is hard to see but the bottom one has a kind of 'back plate' and the semi circle of ring kind of juts out of it.  They both loved them, I had his watch put on a link bracelet for me. 

Patricia - hi hun.  I hope that you haven't been too battered by the last few days.  I am goig to finish this post now and go back and read all the stuff I have already forgotten (it would seem that my singular brain cell has shut down for the night) and then come back!  See you in a few minutes guys. 

Judi xxx

Ah Judes , that is a good question , when do we do all those things , when you find the answer let me know please cos i'm struggleing with all that too , the chains are lovely , what a good idea . No Judi and Ailsa i haven't been to the doctor (sorry) but the nhs nurse thought it could be an allergy to something not sure what .. I'll see what happens now . I want my rings back on , thats a stamp my foot statement .. Hope you and Patricia manage to meet on friday Ailsa , i wish i was off work i would have come too , oh well only one more week .. Helen , your posts exhaust me , so much energy lol ..Have fun with your friend tonight .. Take care Lynnexxx

Okay I'm back ...... what you didn't even miss me!!  I have re-read all the posts and borrowed Joey's brain cell   (Joey here - my mum seez that cos I is very speeshul and I is very bright she is needing my brainz for a minute cos her hooman brain is very tired .... hers brainz is tired!!  I haz only had twenty hours of sleepzzzzz today). 

Lesley - I think that you should print up cattery bills and give them to the neighbours if they are using 'the ungrateful ones' hotel.  I have my fingers crossed that your back continues to improve - don't worry about the silver streaks - very distinguised.

Bren - hang in there hun, Easter is not too far away and I am sure your trip to Newfoundland will be lovely.  Ailsa and Patricia - how lovely that you two are going to meet - give each other a hug from me would you.  Mind you if you gave each other hugs from all of us you could be there for hours!

Lynne, I am glad that your normal crew mate is bonkers, it is lovely when there is someone around that knows how to make you smile and laugh and understands.  Hope they get better soon - aren't you so lucky with your boss. 

Helen, hope you have a lovely evening - if you don't fancy the blue from Avatar - seeing as it is you I can give you a butterfly face or a lion with my face paints - you choose!

Rosemary - where exactly are you - in fact I think I will print off a little map of the UK (don't worry Bren I will cut and paste Canada and pop you next to Wales) and you can all tell me where you are and I will put it on the wall next to my computer and then I can think of you all at home.

Fiona, if you weren't so far from me I would hitch up Joe and Kat to the buggy and then Charlie could pretend he was having a husky ride.  I used to love going for long walks puching Boy.  Kim sounds as if she is coping so well, I am sure she will have her 'moments' when it is time to go back full time but she knows she has you.   Sue, how are you hun - and Helen and Alice (I am really sorry if I have that wrong - blame Joey!)  What have you been up to - apart from keeping us on the straight and narrow. 

There is a chance that Gayle may be coming up to Aberdeen a lot more frequently - but bleive it or not she is coming up on Friday ...... just as I get on a train to Glasgow to see mum, dad and Boy!! typical.  But only ten sleeps now. 

Dottee how is Alan?  You must almost be counting the days too, not long until retirement!  Wonder how long I have to go ............

Dave, Manda - are you guys ok? To everybody I have missed .......... blame Joey!

Loads of love to all.  Judi xx

Judi    

Hello Lovely Ladies (and Dave)

Just wanted to let you all know that I have been reading your posts every day, just been in a bad place (still am but don't want to bring you down with all the details) and I don't like to post when all I have to say is negative things...

Lynne, hope your had is soon better - and your back too Lesley! Jude, glad to hear your new job is going well. Patricia, as you say, one more first...big hugs to you. Bren, stay inthe middle - think I will be keeping you comapny for a while! Rosemary, if you can't make the meet, don't despair - I am awaiting my invite to the purple hat day!

Already lost what I wanted to say to the rest of you sorry!

Been to court, fallen out with the family (twice) and ended up in hospital so far this week. And now found out that my Nan's funeral is being held 5 months to the day that I lost Miles, at the crem where we held his service. I have said that H and I will not be going (for what I felt were obvious reasons) and it has not been taken too well... Fall out number 3 on the way I think!

Hope to start to feel a bit more on the up before too much longer - struggling to get out of the pit at the moment. Thanks goodness I have seeing you all next weekend to look forward to!

Take care all, much love, Manda xx

Manda hun

Don't ever think that you can't post down, negative, horrible, sad things - we have all typed those posts and sometimes being able to share them with friends that really, really understand how desparate those days can be can help - even just a little.  You and ONLY you know what is best for Hayley and you. 

What I am trying to say is that if just reading is what you feel like doing, then fine.  I can remember many times when I loved to read what everyone here was doing and feeling but just didn't feel I had anything to add.  But just know that we are 'virtually' holding your hand and with you every step of the way - as is Miles hun.  He knows that you miss him so much and love him more than ever and he is proud of you.  J  xxxxxxx 

Big Hugs Amanda , it must be the week for it ,  soon be the 13th , sounds like you've had an even worse week than me . You do what is right for you and H . I remember when my aunty died just a couple of months after Gordon  i couldn't face the funeral , but when Gordons cousin died i went to that , you have to do what you can and dont be pressured into going if you dont think you can cope . You take and into the middle with Bren and Patricia xxx

Hi - just wanted to check in before I go to bed.  Must have an early night as I am going to a re-union of old work colleagues tomorrow evening.  Need to be fresh!

Judi - those necklaces are beautiful.  Really not sure I am the best person to tell you how to work full time and do 'stuff' as well.  Like the others on here I just wear myself out trying to do everything and never quite getting there.  Your Joey speak is hilarious.  It will be good if Gayle gets to Aberdeen more often - you two might meet each other!!

Lynne I did think your swollen hands sounded like an allergy.  Just take care of yourself.  You, Patricia & I will have to make sure the next meet of we three is at meadowhall so that you can get there too.

Manda don't ever worry about negative posts.  I think we must all agree to post what we are feeling or how will we ever be able to help each other through our different bad days?  Bright & funny posts are good for us all but feeling you can let your friends on here know you are having a bad time is every bit as important.  We will just shuffle you into the middle.  It sounds like you have had a dreadful week.  As far as your Nan's funral goes - you must do what is right for you & H and no-one else.

Right - goodnight everyone.  Ailsa xxx