My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sorry - I am a bit useless tonight.  Lynne, Sue, Manda, Gayle & Dave I hope each of you are okay tonight as well. Ailsa xxx

I am jumping into the middle for a while.  My cold is much better now but I had a big meltdown last night, in fact I could hardly keep the tears away at work and just managed to get into the car to go home.  Probably lots of things, 4 months since Dan died last Saturday, 33 years since I met him last week, too much time alone lately.  I went home, had my leftover dinner and thought is that all?  Even thought of going up to bed right then as there was no one here to care.   So I need the huddle ladies right now.  I am just about ready to get myself to work which at least means there are people around. I think I also had a few very busy weeks and now have stopped for a bit so a large letdown.  I will be off to Albany the end of next week and hope that I can get my spirits up enough to enjoy that trip and then April 1 off to Newfoundland again for Easter weekend.  I will try to have my brother in law for dinner this weekend also so will try to keep busy again. I just miss Danny so much.  And like the rest of you I don't want this life, I want my old one back.

sorry to be so down today

Bren

Hi all

Big hugs to you Bren, I know only too well how you are feeling, sorry no words of wisdom only hope you return to a more postive state of mind soon.

Judi, glad your first day went well, I bet you were shattered, full time, lol. x

I have had a much better day, my back has eased a lot and I had a short very slow walk into town and back. Still need Rachel's help as I still can't bend over at all but managed to get myself showered and dressed today, so all in all an improved Lesley! The sun is also shining again, which always improves my mood.

Fiona, has Kim gone back  to work part-time?

Hope everyone is OK, speak later love Lesley x

Hugs going international Bren, hold on tight honey we are here for you!  Hugs for all of you, I will be back later just off to put the horse to bed and nipped on here quick to see how you all were. xxxxxxxx

Hi everyone xxx

Lesley glad you ve had an easier day xx

Judi impressed about  your level of exercise, not impressed with you pushing me onto the bean bag though lol!!!

Bren big hugs ((((((())))))))) I know that feeling all too well, is this it? is this all I ve got to look forward to? It is so unfair but it does get easier xxx

Fiona I remember the 1st day I went back to work after having Liam, cried all the way to work. He had a fab day!!!

Patricia how are you today? xxx

Ailsa know what you mean about motivation for work, I do enjoy my job but have been wondering about making changes, just not sure what??

Well I ve made proper meals 2 nights on the run!! Kids are wondering whats going on lol!! I also watched tv last night although I did struggle to stay awake! Can be on lappy all night but as soon as I sit in front of tv I am asleep lol

Hope everyone else has had an ok day

Helen xxx

Hi everyone.  Bren please get yourself straight into the middle.  I can't offer any words of wisdom either other than I know that feeling.  Maybe when you have a few more things to do - with your brother in law and your trips - your spirits will lift a little.  ((((((hugs)))))) x

Lesley I am so pleased to hear your back is a little better.  Just be oh so careful not to rush.  Take care of yourself.

Helen - no cooking for me tonight.  I am going to the cinema and meeting my 2 friends at pizza hut first!  Can't say I have watched any TV yet though.  I am hoping I can watch something tomorrow night maybe.

I hope everyone else is okay this evening.  Like you Rosemary, I hope to be back on later after the cinema.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Oh Bren, as the others have said massive international hugs.  Every single one of us totally understands that 'is this it - is this as good as it gets?' feeling.  And again I am sure that the others will back me up that we still do get those moments that the sadness literally stops you in your steps and takes your breath away, but you do start to recover more quickly, and they become less frequent.  It just takes so much time darling.  One day at a time at your own pace and please, please don't expect too much from yourself.  As most of my chums here know it took me over a year before I felt able to do anything constructive at all - I just went through the motions.  Is my life 'good' now - no, not really.  But is is bearable most days, and I am able to laugh and be daft.  I don't feel 'whole' and don't think I ever will again, but I am trying to be 'me'. (((((((  hugs )))))).

Today they wanted me to work ...... all day!  No really, apart from my panicking about when I am giong to get othere things done and about the dogs being left (I am still coming home at lunchtime in case you were thinking of reporting me to the animal cruelty brigade!) I think that I will benefit from having a busy life.   Eleven sleeps .... that's only just more fingers than I've got!!

Rosemary, Fiona ..... in fact anyone that has a son/brother/friend/plumber or even knows anyone whose name begins with DA ..... hope the boys are well. 

Manda and Patricia, hope you two are okay, I've been thinking about you both.  xxxxx

Ailsa - let us know what film you go to see - I STILL haven't been to Avatar!!! How about you re-enact it for me (in 3D) when we meet ..... I will bring the blue face paint to make it realistic.

Lesley I am SO, SO, SO glad that you are feeling a little better, but please don't push yourself too hard cos we need you in Newcastle.  What is happening to "the ungrateful one" while you are away - maybe he will learn to be a little more gracious to his mum!!   

Helen - that is two whole days I have walked MILES and my clothes are feeling no looser - exactly how long does this keep fit malarkey take????  Lynne ..... LYNNE ....... LYNNE - where are you?  Hope everything is ok with dad.

Loads of love and hugs to all and everyone.  Judi xxxxx

Hi there.  I was thinking exactly the same as I closed my PC down earlier - Lynne where are you?  I hope you are okay xxx

I don't expect anyone to follow my example but I went to see Valentine's Day Judi.  Luckily I was with 2 very dear friends.  I thoroughly enjoyed the film and it is really funny as well.  Good job no-one can see you in the cinema because it made me cry several times and I bawled my eyes out on the drive home.  I miss Chris so much now but it also reminded me how much fun love is.  So that is no bad thing is it?  You need to make time to see Avatar.  I can have a go at re-enacting it for you but I am scared of heights so I might shriek rather unrealistically through the flying scenes!!

Tomorrow it will only be 10 sleeps - yippee!  Ailsa xx

Lynne, where are you????  I am now worried too and its too late to text you.  Hope you are okay.

So sorry i didn't want to worry anyone , i have got a bit of a problem tonight , ihaven't been to bed yet , but i'm struggling with typeing .Both my hands have swollen up to a point my rings are digging in and i cant get them off . I ve been sat with my hands in a frozen bag of peas but the swelling wont go down . I've even phoned the Nhs and they couldn't really help , only to tell me to keep my hands elavated , not sure how i can do thatand try and sleep , so i've given up on that idea . I'll be gutted if i have to have the rings cut off , i'm hoping that the awelling will settle down in the next couple of hours or i look like going to A nd e . So sorry of i've worried anyone . I have been really tearful and dont like posting when i'm down . i'll try and elavate my hands now and get back to you in the morning . Night all xxxx