My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Gayle

I have had the same thoughts as you so many times. The feeling that I am somehow being punished for being so happy when Colin was alive. I hope you manage to get up to your presentation in good time to see Judi, I am sure she will cheer you up.

Patricia, can just imagine you with the coffee incident! I pressume your laptop is OK.

Well just a quick post as I am on my lunch half hour, which ended up being 15 minutes as a meeting ran over. I can hear the 'children' going for lunch, it sounds like a prison breakout... so I had better go!

Love and hugs to all Lesleyx

Hi all

I hope everyones ok ((((hugs)))) to Gayle.

I cant believe it my neighbour and friend, told me he has cancer today .Thats 5 people now down this small road now,only 20 houses ,hes only 40 .What is going on .I hate this disease and would give anything for a cure ."even though its too late for our loved ones"

It seem to be everywhere.

Anyway sorry to go on .

Everyone look after themselves.

Thanks Dave x.

Hi everyone.  Judi - poor you having even more snow.  Have we ever had anything like this?  It has been more than 2 months since the snow started and there have been very few breaks.  How is the driving?  Can you get about?  Are you still training your replacement?

I hope the weather doesn't get in the way of you & Gayle meeting up before Gayle's presentation.  Gayle I am sorry you are feeling so low right now.  It is good to know you still read the posts even when you are just not in the mood to respond.  Just let us know you are okay now and then but otherwise you have every right to feel you just want Wully.  I miss Chris so much and also wander what we did for this to happen to us.  After such a bad weekend last weekend though I have been feeling a little better these last 2 days so my turn to give you a hug I think ((((((bug higs))))))!   I am sure Judi will get a little smile on your face.

Patricia sounds like you had another nightmare shift.  Please look after yourself.  I hope your laptop has survived the coffee spill.

Lesley you should be through your day at work by now and ought to have survived your short lunch and the 'prison breakout'.  Have a nice evening.

How is everyone else doing.  Lynne how is your Dad?  I am going out soon to meet my Mum & Dad to collect a gift from them for my nephew.  Tomorrow I am driving to Bath for the weekend to see my brother and his 3 kids.  It is a long time since I last went to his house.  I think the drive will be quite long so I am going straight from work.  I will be taking my laptop with me but with such a housefull I may not get a chance to get on it.  If I don't I hope there is lots for me to catch up on on Sunday and I hope you all have a decent weekend.  Ailsa xxx

Oh Dave, it makes your blood run cold doesn't it? Hopefully it will be a cancer that is curable. I think once it affects you and your family you notice it more around you. I hope you have told him about this website, it might offer him some support.

Where are you all tonight my friends, you are not waiting for me to go to bed again, before partying!!!! Well, I am going to sit at the top of the stairs and the very moment I hear you all, I am down!

I wonder if Gayle managed to get to Judi, I have heard all roads in some parts of Scotland are closed due to the snow, get your electric blankies on my friends!

xxxx Lesley xxxx

Hi Dave.  Nice to hear from you.  I hope you, George & Freddie are okay.  That is really bad news about your friend.  I wish him every good luck in his fight with the disease.  It really does feel as though it must be on the increase.  Chris cancer was very rare but a nurse told me the other day that there are 4 other men locally with it right now.  I too hope that there is a cure very very soon.  Ailsa xxx

Have a good weekend Ailsa  :-) glad you are feeling a bit better. I thought it was today that Judi and Gayle were to meet?

I think you are probably right lesley - I forgot today was Thursday for a minute.  Dodgy brain cell lets me down now and again!! xx

Evening All, Well Lesley i am in bed with my electric blanket on. Hope everyone doing ok? I also don't know if it's cause we have had to go through all this that you hear more and more about people with cancer.Dave sorry to hear about your neighbour, i hope it can be treated, if only they could find a cure. We have had rain and more rain here today but got rid of the snow from yesterday. I hope Gayle arrived safely and managed to meet Judi.  Well we are nearly at the weekend again where does the time go. I have nothing planned except to go and see my friend on Sat night that lost her friend the other day. Been to Kim's for dinner tonight enjoyed seeing Charlie  in the bath he can fairly splash now. Ailsa have a nice time at the weekend drive carefully.Lynne how did your dad get on today? Well going to put this laptop off and try and get to sleep. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hi guys

I am sorry to disappoint you, but even sorrier for me, cos no Gayle and I have not managed to meet today.  Although we have not had snow in Aberdeen city today (just torrential rain) the roads to get to us, even within a few miles have been horrendous and further south even worse.  So the poor wee toot has had the day from hell.  She ended up getting the train from Glasgow, which got her here over two hours late and not leaving much time before her presentation.  We were in touch throughout the day by text.  She sent me the last at just gone nine, her meeting had only just finished and she was going to get something to eat and crash in her bed.  I think she is absolutely exhausted and the last thing she needed was a day like today.  I am just so glad that she didn't try to drive up and have my fingers crossed that she gets home a little easier tomorrow.

Dave huge hugs for you, I know that you will be support for your friend, but don't underestimate how this news can get to you.  Like everyone else I can't believe how often I hear now of another person being given horrible news.  Fingers crossed that it is a type that can be cured. 

Ailsa, drive carefully tomorrow hun and enjoy your weekend. Fiona, I hope that Charlie soaked his granny!! Has he got a penguin for the bath??

Tomorrow I have a pre-event meeting to attend with my new work, lunch with my old work and ..... don't laugh ...... am going to a Ball (oh er how posh) in the evening.  I am shattered just thinking about it.  I am going as a guest of a friend, it is a charity ball and at one point they thought that there were not too many tables taken, so she and her son took a whole table and invited friends.  I don't have a long dress but have been told that a lot pf people wear short numbers. 

So ........ I have looked out my 'little (well that may be a slight exageration!) black dress' and have a nice wrap around jacket to wear, thick black tights and tonight braved the horrendous rain to go to Next to buy a pair of high heels - I really should have had Gayle and Helen with me.  I chose two pairs to try on, one with a slight platform.    BIG MISTAKE .... I put them on, stood up and ended up on my backside  ......... I fell off my shoes ..... how ridiculous is that.  I think maybe I was so tall there was a lack of oxygen, or altitude or something cos one minute I was standing and the next I fell over.   So, funnily enough I didn't buy them - I couldn't, I was laughing so much!!

So, a pair of quite high black suede have been bought instead - now I am not saying that I can dance or even walk in them, but I have been practising and I can at least stand up!!

I am sure it will be fun but at the moment am a bit dubious about the whole thing, at least it won't be all couples at the table, it will be a real mix, so that is something.  I shall miss dancing with my darling, he didn't always dance but oh my when he did ......... I think it had something to do with living in Australia ..... because when he danced it was often as if he were going 'walkabout'.  He just used to cover the whole dance floor .... but always ended up back with me!!  Happy days.

Off to walk the dogs and fall into bed.  I am hoping that Gayle is sleeping well, it just seems odd to know she is within spitting distance (no, I wouldn't) and I can't give her a huge hug from us all.  I have told her we will sit up all night talking in Newcastle to make up for it.

Loads of love to all.  Judi xxxxx

Oh Judi, I am so sorry to hear that you didn't manage to meet up with Gayle, I know how much you were both looking forward to it. xx

Well, I have been a bit useless today. I have been into work and tried to get on with stuff, but the moment Hayley left for school the flood gates opened. I think maybe I have tried so hard to be brave while we were away - and we did have a good time - but now I am back to reality I seem to be letting go of the whole weeks worth of tears...

I can't say that I felt happy while we were on holiday, but it is hard to be constantly sad when the sun is shining and everywhere you go people are doing their very best to ensure you are having a good time. I really can't think of a better place to be to be completely removed from reality for a while, I would recommend it to anyone who has the chance!

Dave, it seems as though cancer is everywhere just at the moment. I have joined WAY (widowed and young) and my local members list arrived while we were away. Of the 30 local members (all aged under 45) 13 lost their partners to cancer - and two of them to pancrearic cancer. Yet we were told it is virtualy unheard of in someone as young as Miles was (he was 40).

Sorry, didn't want to be down, just really struggling today - think that maybe losing Nan was the straw that broke the (starting to heal a bit) camels back... So looking forward to our meet - not long now!

Much love to all, Manda xx