My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Dave, you are doing the best you can with your boys and I am sure it Nic would be proud of your efforts. The boys sound quite happy.  Have a lovely time this evening.

Lesley, big soft gentle hugs for that sweet little baby from "Auntie Tricia" lol. Bless you, make the most of him, they grow so quickly x x

Helen hope you are enjoying your 'drinks'. x x

I have been shopping and came back with a dress for my trip. I have to admit I even felt the smallest glimmer of excitement whilst I was paying for it. That has to be good.

If I don't see you, have a good weekend x x x

Evening girls - hope all is as well as can be for you all?? 

Judi - please wish your Boy a 'Happy Birthday' from me and I hope his party is enjoyed by all..........I'd offer to wash up - but it's a bit far to travel tonight!!!! xxxx

Lesley - enjoy your precious time with Daniel....I love the smell of new babies.............'cept when they're poorly!!!

Dave - enjoy your evening off.........it's not easy being two parents in one.........

Helen - I'm hustling you into the middle of the huddle - you can take my place........go on rest there for a while and feel the (((hugs))) as we look after you..........xxxxxxx

Oh!! now I've lost track and can't remember any more.......

About us today?  Alan hasn't been sleeping at all well and he's woken me up with shouting out in his dreams..........so I seem to have spent ages on the phone to his Mac-nurse and GP - eventually we got his meds sorted out again and hopefully he will be more settled so I can sleep!!!!!  And me?  Well you'll be pleased to hear that I feel more like me today - even if a bit tired.  Yesterday's emotional storm seems to have done something for me and I have felt calm all day - no tantrums.......no shouting.........just kept busy with cleaning, yet more washing - it's too cold and damp to dry stuff outside so I'm having to do it in stages so we're not overwhelmed by it all!!!!!!  I didn't do any crafting (I should have made some cards today) because I fell asleep in my chair this afternoon!!!!!  Heyho!!! 

Lynne, Patricia, Ailsa and all else that I've not mentioned some comforting (((((hugs)))))) for you all...........Dot xxxxxxxxxx

Dot, I pray that you eventually get a good night's rest. Love and hugs to both you and Alan x x x

Yes Gayle , i thought that about the great taste but you picked the hotel lol , lets hope the one in Newcastle is as good , cant wait ... Lesley , you enjoy your little man and i'm sure Rachel will really appriciate a good nights sleep .. Dottee big hugs to you hun , i know whats its like to be kept awake all night , Gordon tried everything so he didn't disturb me , but as he was up (sometimes as many as 10 times ) it was very hard for us both , but i would go through it all again . I do hope Alans meds help , its not an easy time for you both .. Patricia , i'm so glad you got excited when you bought your dress , how long is it now ? XXXXX

the wedding is 27th march and the trip is 30th march x x x

Hi everyone.  Judi/Boy's party should be in full swing by now.  I hope they have the best time ever.

Rosemary I hope the bad back is still on the mend.  As the saying goes - I am a martyr to my back! - that was the reason for the physio and then the modified pilattes.  I think I am getting better slowly but surely.  You reminded me that I need to pack my TENS machine for this weekend while I go to Becky's.I'm glad you ahve a penguin now Fiona.  I will be carrying mine on the 13th.  It is quite small though so watch out for us!

Gayle I hope your lazy day worked out.  After having a good day yesterday I started with a shocker today.  I am okay now but when I woke this morning I felt sick, had a headache and just could not stop crying.  I decided not to go to work but I don't do sick days so I was struggling with that decision.  I have been stressed since the 11th but today was the worst so far.  I was also stressing about having so many things to do before I could take Declan back to Bracknell this evening.  Anyway to cut a long story short I decided not to take him back until tomorrow first thing.  That gave me this evening to catch up on the things that were bothering me.  Declan is here now and loves his new room at my house.  I've got the ironing done etc so I am happier.  I ended up more than half an hour late for work as a result of my tears but decided enough was enough and went to speak to someone on the HR team.  I burst into tears but at least I got my point across.  I know I can be late if it happens again and at least they might remember what has happened and understand now!  I apologised to my manager for being late as well and he was lovely and said I needed to give myself a break.  It's my own fault because I never say anything about how I feel normally but at least they know I am having bad days now.  They know I don't want time off because I need the company and routine but I occassionally need to 'gather myself together' before going in.  I feel alot happier about that now.

Bren I will send a pm with my FB details on.  I would love to see your photos.

Patricia I am glad you got a dress and that you feel a little excitement about the wedding now.  There will be wobbles but you will enjoy it I am sure.

Dave enjoy your time off and also Centre Parks in March.

Dot I am glad you are having a calmer day today.  Shame about the crafting though.  I need to get 3 cards done as soon as I get back from Becky's this weekend so I am one to talk!

Enjoy your babysitting Lesley.  My parents lived too far away when mine were little so I didn't leave them until I found a baby sitter I could trust when they were a little older.  It is so lovely that you are on hand.  I love having Declan and I think he loves being here as well.  We get on very well.

Well I had better get off and finish the last of the irnong.  Enjoy your evening everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Ah Ailsa , you;ll be having Napolean on to you , you promised not to get stressed , but i am glad you had a word with HR at least they know that you will still have your moments , as we all know ... Hope you've enjoyed your time with Declan , i'm sure he loves staying with you . ... Well i cant believe i had a melt down tonight , most of you will know through f'B , i was watching Pop star to opera star when Darius sang The impossible dream . One of the songs that was played at Gordond funeral , well i just lost for a little while , i wasn't expecting it and i havn't been able to listen to the song without tears so i don't know why i was so suprised . Anyway thank you for your support and messages and texts , i'm okish now , i'm determined to stay where i've been all week . I've got a busy weekend so that will go in a blur and then 2 weeks to work and then i'm off the week before our meet . Roll on xxxxxx

I really don't want to cross Napolean!!  I'm done for the night now but I promise I am still on track for a relax next week.  Hard to believe I know, after today's little perfomance, but I still have Tuesday & Wednesday free, all to myself, and am sooooo looking forward to it.  I am seriously going to just blob on the sofa.

I have an early start tomorrow but will log on tomorrow evening from Becky's.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

ailsa -

no stress!

from napoleon  xx

Morning girls - just dropped in to leave some extra special (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) to comfort you all.......

Dot xxxxxxx