two people

Wish I could offer you some advice but sadly I can't but just wanted to reply to say I hear you.

Have you thought about doing something nice to honour your husband next week? Or doing something nice, however simple for yourself? I know it won't take away the pain but may keep you busy for a short time.

Take care

I know what you mean. 

On 1 shoulder Reality is sitting sometimes whispering and sometimes screaming - If you want to drive you’ll have to fill the car up yourself Valen’s not here to do it. If you want the house insured you’ll have to sort it yourself, Valen’s not here to do it. If you want to eat you’ll have to cook yourself, Valens not here to do it. If you want the grass cut, spider got rid of, lightbulb changed etc.

On the other shoulder is, well, Dream / Fantasy. The part of me that still sends a text asking if he’s “on the chuffer yet?”. Who calls out “only me” when I step through the door. Who won’t sit on his side of the sofa. Who hasn’t put the soup maker away even though only he used it and I won’t. Who still has his toothbrush and electric razor on his part of the bathroom shelf. Who recorded Rocky 3 for him. 

On the dream side I hear him say “it’s not raining, walk dont be lazy”. “Have you put suncream on?” “Your getting very sweary”.

On the Reality side I hear “He’s gone you bloody idiot. What do you think that is in front of you, a nice large jewellery box or his casket?”

Sorry. You asked for advice and I offer none. I can only offer a listening ear. 

This is going to a long road ahead I gather by reading everyone posts I know I’m so early into this nightmare 7 weeks today for me losing my husband.. I hope you have had some support along the way. If you haven’t it seems you need some guidance. 

Listen to yourself I’d love the idea of my husband coming back in reality I know he’s not and I don’t want to empty everything of his too-soon. But only do this when this time is right for you. And if it isnt Thats fine too. I have a small one bedroom  Flat so we were limited with what space we have. 

If got rid of it all so quick he would be looking down thinking charming she cleared my stuff promptly outta the way. But also I have been sorting some of his clothes as he always said you’ll probably this when I’m gone. 
In the meantime do you want to get rid any of it???

I sold an item the other day of my husband’s and cried after I left it in the locker ready to be sent to the new Owner so then I have regrets BUT his sizing change rapidly last year 40 w to 32 w so Vinted helped me buy good second hand trousers so he had something that fitted him within having to go shopping and without too much expenses. 

I can’t see a future alone either it’s very scary I’m 54, every day it’s hard to get my head in gear and a plan for the day and more recently I can’t be bothered even. Again I’d never do that before we all that husband wife or partnership our life and planned things together it’s a bloody big shock to the system and I hate the changes we now have to endure.

I would but we are all different look through a drawer see what’s in it empty it dust it and put it all back if you want but you may find that you make a start if you feel you want to and give to charity or sell depending on your choices or what you find. Is there anyone who can help? I didn’t want any one helping me with anything. 
I have been wearing some of my husbands socks a little big for me but I like wearing his jazzy sock's where appropriate 

good luck with what you decide they all say be kind to yourself go with your gut instinct it may help 

Hi Dipsy!

I have just got over the two year mark last Monday (23rd June) and I think I get where you are coming from. I have got rid of a lot of Jay's things but it's things that held no sentimental value mostly clothes he never wore which were piled up in his wardrobe still in wrappers and labels attached. I had never seen him in any of those so It was easy for me just to sell them on. It's the things I did see him in which are harder to part with. I have now been thinking with the 2 year mark passed if I should be thinking of getting rid of the things still hanging in the wardrobe. It is a hard thing to decide. My son sometimes asks me why I am still holding on to some of his things. I consulted with a psychic online within months of him passing it's something I would never do but I think I just wanted answers if he was settled where he was etc and she told me that he had given his blessing that I give away some of his warm jumpers etc in the hope someone would get good use out of them. Those jumpers are still there though because I still don't know if I'm ready to let them go. I have I think come to the realisation that he is not coming back but at the same time just can't comprehend that he is actually gone either. I feel the first year it is just sinking in that they are gone and then the next you do actually begin to realise that they are gone but still can't come to terms with it. I have feelings all the time of not belonging anywhere now. Where I was once part of a couple I now just feel like a `spare part`.  Still have good. bad and dark days but they leave and I continue to try to move on. I think this is why these forums are good to come to as we all get what everyone else is feeling and going through. Best wishes to you moving forwards.

Vicky xx

It's been over ten months now since my beloved husband died suddenly of sepsis. For the last two or three days, I haven't really cried - a few tears now and again, but not the weeping (or howling) that characterised the previous ten months. I suppose I'm feeling 'better'. But really, I'm not: I feel guilty that I might be getting 'better' and that I'm losing my husband again but in a different way. I don't want him to fade from my life now. How do we come to terms with the brutal reality that we go on with our lives yet our beloveds don't?

Thank you for all your replies it means a lot, and at least I know I am not the only one feeling like this. I still have not decided what to do on the day itself, I know I just want to do something that is just the two of us, and whether that is something that we both enjoyed together, or just something about me I don't know yet, the only thing I definitely want to do is go and put some of his ashes where I want mine to be scattered so when the time comes we can be together again. Take care all.

The ashes,  I sorted out my own funeral, and if I have not scattered Sue's.  We will both be scattered on Sue's favourite beach together.  The undertakers will do it and I like the sound of that.

 As for items, it is if only you are ready. If you have a spare room, you could try moving some stuff in there and seeing how you feel ?

Yes I do get that. For long enough I wasn't able to cry for my husband and found that very strange because when he was going through his cancer treatments I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. When I do have little `outbursts` now and again I feel a whole lot better after it as though it is a release and relief for me just to get rid of all that pent up emotion and sometimes it could be the silliest of little things that will spark it off. It's still early days for you and through time you will find your own way of how you cope with your grief as we are all different with that. Don't think you will forget your husband he will always be with you in some way and always be in your heart I'm sure. Best wishes to you moving forwards. 

Vicky x

Thank you. I'm back to a daily weep or two and feel better for it! 

It's a great release and relief just to get it out well that's how I see it

xx