My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Have a good one, everyone

sue xx

Morning all , Lesley that happened to me twice last weekend with the long posts , but i think it was my internet starting to play up , my dongle still hasn't come back so if i hadn't bought one i would have been without you people all week , and thats a no no no , i wouldn't cope lol . Have a nice time with what ever you do today . I bought a basket of roses to take to the grave today , i've never bought him any thing before for valentines day so i'm sure he'll be suprised .. Bren have a good time away and dont let the very sad news spoil things for you , you deserve a nice break , are you on face book ? we'd love to see some pics of your lovely country .. Judi glad you had a good giggle , i'm sure whoever is with you , laughs there through the evening , cant wait to meet you .. Patricia , i'll get the blame if anything goes wrong anyway , everybody will be expecting it lol Gayle said she thougth i was different to how she expected me to be , not sure if that was good or bad lol . Manda , have a fantastic time in Florida , try and enjoy it you know Miles will want you too hun .. I'm actually off the week leading up to our meet , but we could still meet for the day . Manda and i have found out we only live about an hour away from each other so we are going to try and meet close by .. We'll sort something out when you get back Manda ..

I forgot to say dad couldn't have his feed tube out , he cant eat enough at the moment , he's also a little dehydrated so he's got to see someone next wed now .. Hope everybody is ok and have good plans for the weekend . ..

Take care .... Lynne xxxx

Morning everyone

Lynne sorry your dad couldnt have his tube removed, hope he starts feeling better soon x

Manda have a lovely holiday, it will do you both good x

Judi glad you had a good night, I do know what you mean about wanting to tell them but then remember you cant. Good job we ve got each other xx

Dave nice to hear from you, you sound very busy and doing a great job xx

I got my meter changed yesterday and the house is sooooo tidy lol I even washed my windows while I was waiting in!!! Just one friend came last night as my other friend started with a migraine. Nice to have a girly chat and put the world to rights! She lost her Dad in November (you might remember me going to the funeral on paul`s birthday) she is a bit down at the moment so I hope I cheered her up. We had a giggle.

Well Lesley you ve just reminded me, the last post day before Valentines Day. Oh boy I m going to busy opening all those cards........NOT LOL....but what about the florist they ll be up and down the path too.....yer right!!! Oh well we can dream hee hee xx

Nothing planned here this weekend, few footie games on tv I might watch while doing my ironing.

Have a good one everyone

Helen xxx

Morning everyone.  I just seem to keep running out of time.  You all seem to do so much yet still have time to post properly, message each other, clean & read!!  What am I doing wrong?  I am always busy but never get even half of what I want to do done!

I will try again later as I am picking up my neighbour at 11:30 & we are going to look at benches for my back garden.  Take care everyone ((((((hugs))))))x

Hi again everyone.  I have a little more time for a couple of hours now so I might calm down & stop feeling stressed by the things I am not doing.  I have had a nice couple of hours out looking for the bench.  I want an arbor and I think I have found what I want.  If I don't find anything I like better in the next week I will order the one I have seen.  I have a duplicate of the plaque that is up where Chris worked and I want to be able to put it in the arbor.  Should be nice and in place by the time we get any warmer weather.

Well, like you Lesley I have been wading through the huge pile of pink envelopes - not!  I have bought myself a bunch of flowers for the bedroom with a little heart on a stick with them.  They look nice and they are next to the pictures of Chris.  I have flowers and a balloon to take to the cemmy tomorrow.  I was thinking though that the ill Chris would love the flowers but the well Chris would think I had lost the plot buying him flowers!!  I will just have to hope that he would understand that taking them tomorrow is as much for me as him.  For a long time I have mostly only been able to remember the ill Chris but I think recently I have been remembering the well Chris as well sometimes.  I email him a couple of times a week and I can sort of hear his old voice when I am typing now.  That must surely be a good thing because I should be remembering the happier times shouldn't I?

Manda, I hope you & H have a lovely time in Florida.  Miles would be so proud you are going together and he will be there too.  Like you my highs last longer than they used to but I can feel quite ill when I remember what has happened.  Have a great time both of you.

Bren I am sure you will have a good time in Montreal this weekend.  You have had a sad time at work so you need a happier time with your friends.

Lynne & Manda it is lovely that you are meeting up after Manda gets back.  I probably don't live too far away either but for now I can' remember where Manda lives so I may be in the wrong direction.

Sue your picture for the weekend is lovely - thanks.

Nice to hear from you Dave.  Don't let the lads wear you out through the holidays!!.  Like you & Judi I would love to see Les Miserables.  I am going to a local theatre tonight but I was speaking to my sister in the week and she wants me to go and she wants me to go and stay with her in London so that we can see some shows.  I will organise that in the next couple of months.  I never had the opportunity before.

Enjoy the weekends footie Helen.  I need to follow your lead now and get some ironing done.  Hope everyone has a good day.  Ailsa xxx

Ailsa, when I was in London I went to see 'Wicked' which is the story of Oz 'before' the 'Wizzard of Oz' if that makes any sense.  I enjoyed it.  I too am not too far from you and Lynne and probably Manda too but can't remember where you are all from. I am in Leeds.

Manda, I am sure it will be a very emotional time for you and H but every 'first' is isn't it. I have now started working myself up into a panic about my pending trip to Japan. I have never been abroad without Ray (well once) and I am kind of dreading it. I know this is bad because it is part of my son's wedding celebrations so I should be excited. All I can feel in overwhelming sadness.

Lynne, sorry your dad didn't get his feeding tube out but hope that things improve soon for him. I don't understand why you htink you would get 'blamed' for anything going wrong at the meet lol.

I can't remember who has 'the ungrateful cat' Is it Lesley? I hope said cat is learning the error of his/her ways after your kindness lol

I hope you all have a reasonable weekend. Oh and Happy Chinese New Year x x x

I may post again later. Depends on how busy I get att hat place I call 'work'.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. can anyone give me a definition of sleep and how much I should expect to get each day/night. I seem to have forgotten.

.

Hi all, been having one of those weeks again, not sure if my feet touch the ground and if they do not for long, then fall into bed and sleep only to wake up about 3.30 and unable to get back to sleep, grrrrrr.  Yesterday Steve's best mate came down from Essex, which was lovely as we haven't seen him since the funeral so over a year ago now and he is such a lovely chap.  He wanted to see Steve's garden and also I had a couple of framed photo's that were Steve's pride and joy (one of Concorde landing from a test flight and one of a Virgin Atlantic 747 signed by Richard Branson and Freddie Laker), we still have several of his aeroplane pictures up but these two I thought Andy would like not only for what they were but for whose they were - and of course he was really pleased, although he did get quite emotional I think as he went quite red in the face but still kept chatting and eventually looked normal again after a few minutes.  Bless him, we had a huge hug and a long chat over a cup of tea, where we ended up talking all about different memories we both had of Steve and also about his illness as there were lots of things Andy hadn't known or understood about at the time.  I managed not to cry, although lump was in the throat several times, but by the end of the day I felt drained but had my sisters over for the evening so still couldn't just zone out like I needed too.

Anyway enough of me wimpering on, you have all been really busy as usual - Bren have a lovely time in Montreal, I went there once many years ago and loved it.  Lynne sorry about your dads feeding tube, I remember when Sam wanted her's removed and they were worried that she wasn't able to eat enough to sustain her so they wanted to leave it in for another two weeks, but she was quite adamant that they remove it and said if she got a cold or flu and was unable to eat (as they were worrying about) then she would just have a nasal tube put it.  The look on the nurse's face made me laugh, but it was taken out and she was fine.  Hope your dad is able to get strong enough soon.  Judi big hug sweetheart, I know just that feeling and it's got me a few times, it's the little things we took for granted again isn't it, coming home to tell them what we'd been up to or just the end of the day pillow talk before sleep.  Ailsa, you sound wobbly to me, are you ok?  Pulling you into the huddle a bit further just in case.  Patricia, how is that place called work doing?  Have you finished your nights yet?  Hugs for you too.  Manda have a fabulous time with Hayley, Miles will be looking over your shoulder and loving you both being brave and going away.

Daniel has just sat down beside me so I'm going to send this and come back later. Hugs to you all, lots of love xxxxxx

Was going to say good evening to you all but just realised it is morning, I am getting later and later at going to bed. Well i have Darren back safely and i am so pleased he is home, he say's although he is a bit disappointed at having to come home so soon  he has had the best few weeks he has had in a long time so that's good. He said it was so expensive and just no jobs to be got. He will stay with me just now to see what he is going to do about a job etc. We have been at Kim's tonight to catch up with all he done and we had a lovely dinner. I got a lovely bunch of roses from Charlie for tomorrow. Nothing planned for tomorrow i will go to cemmy with some flowers for Derek and my mum. Well in saying that there is a big pile of clothes from Darren needing washed. Kim and me going to a psychic on Mon night don't know if i am doing the right thing but would just like her to tell me Derek was fine, just hope it doesn't upset me to much. Hope everybody is ok read all the posts but my memory not good at this time of night Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx  

Goodness me, you were all busy posting yesterday, I've no chance of remembering who said what, so hugs to all!

Lynne, Manda lives near Stoke, I think. I know Ailsa lives in Leeds but I don't know where you live. I live near Manchester. I bet all of us could get a direct train into Manchester, it takes only 20 mins for me. Oh I think Patricia maybe fairly close too. I really fancy seeing Les Mis, if anyone is free on a Sat afternoon I wouldn't mind meeting up, don't know how long it's on for though.

Well in the end I did have a really full day yesterday. I decided to visit the famous Bury Market. I went on public transport to make the day last longer (can't bear just sitting in all day) I missed the direct bus so ended up going via Manchester on the tram. (had a nice look around the food markets.)  I had a lovely shop and lunch out. Called in on baby Dan on the way home. Then got a call from a friend who had been on a blind date, he told her he wanted to take her to Skipton for the day. I imagined them having a romatic long lunch somewhere nice. She was really fed up, he decided to take her to Accrington instead (he wanted to be home in time for football!) He trailed her round the bargain shops there and then took her to a cafe and bought her a sausage butty! Poor thing had got all dressed up for a Saturday afternoon out. Anyway she ended up coming over for a few glasses of wine and a good laugh about it all!

I didn't do a stroke in the house yesterday, so am going to to all that today, then babysitting tonight.

Yes Patricia, it is me with the cat! He has started going out a little now, still will not enter cat house unaided but he will soon change his tune if he is caught out in a shower!

Fiona, I'm glad Darren is home safe and well.

Manda have a safe journey tomorrow, if I don't speak to you before then.

Bren have sent you a PM.

Happy Chinese New Year to all, am having beef and blackbean stir fry for dinner today, Yum!

Hmm wish you could scroll up the posts whilst posting, can't remember who has said what now!

Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday, love Lesley xxxx

Oh, just lookd at Le Mis in Manchester. It has just finished and was a sell out anyway. Those of you wishing to see it in Edinburgh had better get your tickets fast!