My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Very quick one this evening as I am trying to get me and the dogs into a better bedtime routine before I start the dreaded fulltime.

Lynne I will accept you doing ONE extra hour a day to fund your weekends, that sounds like a worthy cause.  Alisa, just you keep updating that sat nav .... just a thought - it wasn't you at the head of Gayle's queue the other night was it, stopping to update???  Helen just you enjoy your long lies - I'm sure it was Paul snuggling in hun, just to let you know that he is watching you and oh so very proud of you, Nat and Liam. And yes of course you cried, but they were tears of love and that's ok.   Lesley - how is the 'Furry Ungrateful One' Joey would like to know, he thinks that he would like the three storey, detached, fully furnished play house if it is not being fully utilised.  Just think Fiona, a big squashy hug from Darren soon and you will get to hear all about his adventure.  I had a lovely chat with Patricia earlier and now I am going to look out for Les Miserables coming to Scotland.  Right off to bed now, love to everyone. Judi xxx

Good morning

Patricia, I am very jealous, I hadn't realised that Les Mis' had started in Manchester am going to try to arrange to go and see it. Keep hoping Miss Saigon would play, I would love to see that production.

Two weeks Helen, we only have one. Lol, listen to me, I get 13 weeks holiday per year and am still not happy!!!

How lovely Helen to have that feeling. up unitl the other night I had only had a couple of dreams about Colin, just everyday dreams, where he was maybe in the background or driving his car but then I drempt we were walking along the road, I had my arm around his hips but all I could feel were bones, I knew he was dying in my dream. I woke up very upset it was the first time I had drempt about him being ill. I would love to feel his arms around me and ask for him to come to me every night.

The ungreatful one is fine, still studiously ignoring said outdoor home, in fact doing everything in his power to avoid the great outdoors! He is going to have to get used to it though as he has been in the kitchen while I am out at work but now he is bigger and awake more he gets bored and has started to 'play' with things he shouldn't. I am going to put him out for short periods next week while I am off, see how that goes.

Not heard from Bren and Sue in a while, hope you are both OK.

Bye for now, love Lesley xx

Morning everyone

Still in bed with the lappy (lucky lappy lol!!!) just need to someone to bring me a coffee up hee he x

Lesley I m counting the weekend in my 10 days so only a week like you xx It is nice to have vivid dreams about our loved ones, feel like they`re still around xx

I m getting a new electric meter today so while I m waiting in will catch up on some jobs, ironing and cleaning. Exciting!! Will hopefully get to gym later then off to friends for a night in with my 2 best mates.

Judi when do you start you new job? Sorry if you ve already said.

Have a good Friday everyone

Helen xx

Hi all

Well im envious of you Helen still in bed.

Even though its half term im still running around after the boys.Ive just dropped Freddie at nursary,and George is insisting on going to the cinema to watch Astro Boy.

THe last few weeks have been up and down to say the least.Im trying to establish some order to my life .And maybe persuing new business interests later this year,just to keep my mind occupied really.

I would love to see Les Mis as well im jelous.

All the best Dave xx

Evening everyone , Hope the leccy man came Helen and managed to fit your meter ok , i hate waiting in for anything . have a good night with your friends . Dave you sound very busy , a woMAN's work is never done , your doing a fantastic job with the kids , i know how hard it must be for you . .. Judi i just did a hour extra again today , it really has been mega busy this week , i think we are just catching up with all the cancelled appointments from the bad weather , oh well off for 2 days now , with no plans at all but something always turns up .. I've had to put a weeks holiday in , in march as i have a 8 days to take before april , it will be the first time i've been off ,without going away , i'm not sure what i will do with my time but once again i'm sure something will turn up . Lesley how are you getting on with your arm ?  hope its now as painful now .. Sue your very quiet , are you ok hun , missed you xx Hope everybody else is ok . xxxxxxxx

Hi everyone

I have had an odd week, late on Monday I found out that a teacher who had left our school 3 years ago - her husband took his life over the weekend.  The entire staff knew about it but no one wanted to tell me, they were afraid I would be upset.  On one hand, it was nice they want to protect me but I was quite upset that they thought I was so fragile.  It is terrible for sure but I was not close to her.  Then on Tuesday we found out that an occasional teacher who had come to our school for many years had died of a heart attack the night before.  So a pretty sad week here.  Then really busy at work getting the little ones registered for next year and a record number of them, 66.  I am ready for a nap now.

I took the cat to the kennels and the dog has been picked up so I am all alone for the night, will leave for the airport very early in the morning and then off to Montreal to visit a dear and old friend for the weekend.  That will perk me up for sure.

hope you all have a good and peaceful weekend 

Bren, without your cats and dog I am sure it was an odd night but I hope that you have a lovely weekend with your friend.  Not a good week for you so hugs to you.

Lynne - glad that you stuck to the one hour rule!   You will find something to do when you are off, I have total faith in you hun.

Well just off to bed, I have had an old friend around for the evening, she is staying the night and has just gone to bed.  It was good and we have laughed a lot.  A take away curry and a couple of bottles of wine and it was fun ...... but ..... and I know you guys will understand, just that moment when you have enjoyed your evening, and it has been good but just as you are about to go to bed and that little tug at your heart, that sadness that grabs you cos you want to tell him about your evening .... well that is where I am just now, so I have come here instead to tell you guys cos I know that you will get it.  I had a lovely evening and I want to fall into bed and tell Ed what a giggle it was .... so now I tell all of you instead.  I guess that is how it is now.  So thanks for being there guys. 

Sleep well, Loads of love Judes xxxxx

Aww Judi how lovely that you had a god evening. I am totally with you on the tugging at the heartstrings thing. It never fails does it. Big hugs to you.

Bren, how terribly sad for you all to receive such sad news. I hope you are ok.  Have a wonderful time in Montreal. I wish I could have spent longer there when I went but I was on a tour.

Lynne just don't be overdoing things. We don't want you worn out for March now do we? Who will everyone blame when all the gadgets start breaking down or falling off the walls.

Take care all.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning everyone, have been trying to get back to sleep since 4am and have given up trying now, so thought I would take the chance to catch up here... I do read the posts everyday but don't always feel up to replying - please don't think I don't check in on you all!

Lynne what a busy week you have had! Hope that you are resting when you finally get home.... Let me know what week you are off and I will gladly book a day or two with you! xx Bren, what a sad week it's been, hope that you enjoy seeing your friend. xx And Judi, I am sure that we all understand what you mean... I'm glad that you had a nice evening though and hope that coming and telling us has helped a little... xx

It's been a bit of a strange week really... It was four months on Wednesday, so the start of the week was very tearful, but then I had a very calm couple of days which has suprised me. But work has been very busy so maybe distraction is the way to go for me! I think i am finding myself a little longer in the 'high' zone, but when the drop comes, it seems worse somehow if that makes sense? I actually had one day this week when I didn't cry, then when I realised the next day felt really guilty!

It's the little things that catch you... I am ok when all the 'Mr M (deceased)' mail arrives, I am getting used to telling people that he is gone. But when his invitation to buy the latest limited edition of his favourite Malt arrived this week I had a total meltdown.

Well, H and I are off to Florida on Monday. Starting to panic now... I am looking forward to going, but feel bad that we are going without Miles, it's a journey we know well but I am scared about being on our own, and worried that the memories of happier times there will floor me...  I know it's what Miles wanted us to do - we had several conversation about it - but the gremlins still creep in don't they? 

Hope that everyone is well and has a good weekend... Anything exciting planned?

Manda xx

Morning all

Just a short post now, two reasons:

1. Just typed a very long post and it has vanished AGAIN  :-(

2. If I want to get out today, I need to make a move very soon as Im will have to do the usual wading through pink and red envelopes that are blocking my front door, lol.

Bren, hope you enjoy your trip to your friend.   Grrrr I can't remember what I was going to say now.

Manda, have sent you a PM. xxx Not as long as the message I had already written though!

Lynne, like you I have nothing planned for the weekend except babysitting tomorrow night. Am going to have a think now, am not going to just stay in.

Nice to hear form you Dave, wish you were nearer, we could have gone to see Les Mis' together. x

Have a nice day all.   xxxxxxx off to open all my envelopes now, maybe I should stay in so I can recieve my flowers too!

Lesley xxxx   :-p   xxxx