My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone, love and hugs to you all.

Rosemary ((((((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to you for tomorrow. It may not be a day you want to remember but remember you will. But take heart in the knowledge that you did him proud.

Judi, I promise never to park across your access. I am scared of  the thought of Napoleon coming to 'get me' lol.

This morning I heard that a work colleague and friend is going through what I can only describe as the 'final weeks' with her husband. He has been told that he is to have no further treatment for his pancreatic cancer and is more or less just on pain meds now. He is deteriorating rapidly and I fear for them that the end is going to be very soon.  She is such a lovely person and was very supportive to me during Ray's illness and subsequent death. I only hope that I can be as supportive to her.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations about this terrible illness.

Now, come along all you penguins, let us shuffle into the next month of this year with a lighter heart if we can. Not an easy task but something to work towards.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening all , Patricia , i'm so sorry for your friend , we all know what she is going through dont we , and i'm sure you will be a great support to her as you have to all of us , but dont forget to look after yourself too hun .xx

 Rosemary , i cant wait to read your book , come on give us a hint , what is it about , you know your going to sell a few copies to us penguins xx  

Gayle  i hope your having a better week than weekend hun , and if you decide to go on your own at the weekend i'm sure you will be fine but be carefull and dont get talking to no strangers !! xx

 Dave glad you hada good weekend and got the result you wanted , i,ve missed the football since Gordon died as i dont tend to put it on now unless the lads are here , i'll have to get back into it lol xx 

Helen i hope your planning meeting went well , what kind of things are you planning to do , cant wait to hear all about it  xx

Sue i hope your feeling a little less sad now , you always have such good advice and i wish i had some words of wisdom for you , you've done so well keeping us penguins in line , we couldn't have done it without you xx 

Fiona big hugs to you and Kim too , and a special one to little Charlie  xx  

Ailsa well i'm in the same club as you now hun , i've got to go back to the dentist tommorow too . I should have gone back after 10 days when i got my abcess and me being me didn't make an appointment and now my abcess has started to come back today , its not to painfull at the moment but its started to swell again and of course i'm kicking myself for not going to get it sorted sooner . I know how you feel about wanting Chris there , when i came out of the emergency dentist on my birthday i so needed Gordon and thats when it smacks you in the face again . So sorry if you have to go through with an extraction but its not that bad really . Hope fully it will all be ok for you xx 

  Amanda i love your story about the light and i'm in no doubt that it was Miles watching over you xx 

 Lesley , i love the pictures on face book , your little grandson is adorable , hope your arm is getting better xx

Judi so glad the interview went well , never a doubt in my mind it would . Ha ha , the image of a croud of penguins jumping up and down on the van is going round in my head now lol . Thank you all for your kind words of support regarding S/D , i'm glad i took all your advice and didn't to any thin hastey , Judi , diplamat of the year , ha ha i wish . xx Big hugs to Dotte is really going through it at the moment xx Hi to Bren , hope the weather has warmed up over there xx Whats everybody up too ? xxxx

Judi, is white van man still in your way?

Napoleon to the rescue..............

Good evening everyone.  Rosemary I have lost a post as well.  I did one from my phone today when I was at work.  It was just before I got your text but there is no sign of my post now.  Flippin cyber stuff...I don't get it.  I will be thinking about you tomorrow because as Patricia has pointed out you are not likely to get through the day without thinking about a year ago.  I love the cadilac - it must have looked wonderful.  I am not sure about works to word but see what happens.  I have asked questions like that on the microsoft site before and someone always answers - might be worth a go asking on there.  I wish I had enough imagination to do something like write a book.  Good luck with it.

One of the things I said in my missing post was thanks for your post Patricia.  It helps when someone says out loud what I am thinking.  I think with Christmas and the new year gone by some of us are possibly slipping into a bit of a 'beginning of the end' scenario.  I realised the other day that it is only a couple of weeks until the 11th Feb which is the last time Chris ever went to Barnsley General.  It is the day he was told he wasn't going to get better and his cancer had become very aggressive.  It is not good I know to dwell on these thoughts as it only leads to the other thoughts about whether there was anything else we could have done.  I want to be stronger so I am going to try distraction tactics!  I am thinking about doing 3 RFL's as I can't make up my mind which one to do.  Each one is only 3 miles long and there will be 3 weeks between the first and the second and then another 2 weeks until the 3rd - hardly tough is it?  I thought it might sound good enough to encourage more people to sponsor me though.

Patricia I am sure you will be a great support for your friend while she cares for her husband.  An unfortunate side effect of our experience means you will have a far better idea than most about what is likely to help and what won't.  Please remember to take care of yourself as well along the way xx.

Fiona I hope you and Kim are feeling a bit better today.

Judi - tooled up Napoleon eh!  I think I know a lady who will have just the picture to cover that one for those of us with little or no imagination!  Sue??? 

It sounds like it is going to get a bit colder again over the next few days - please no snow as I am going to Becky this weekend for a meal to celebrate her birthday the other week.  I don't want to miss it.  I am setting off at midday on Friday.

How is everyone else tonight?  Ailsa xxx  (46 sleeps!)

Whey-hey!!  Thanks Sue xxx

Hi everyone

Lynne, the charity night is booked for 7th May at a local sports club where we all used to go to school discos.We all went to hight school together. We are providing a buffet and dj, all proceeds will go to head and neck cancer research in our local area. We are also beginning to collect raffle prizes.

Ailsa I am heading towards the `this time last year` too. We got told on the 25th Feb (Pauls mums birthday) that there was no more treatment, etc. How we carried on then I dont know but we had a lovely night away together and also our family trip to center parcs  only 2 weeks before Paul died. Trying like you say not to dwell on it but the dates will still arrive and memories too xx

My friend at work`s mum died in the early hours of this morning. I was asked by a colleague to tell everyone, luckily I didnt have to as others passed the word around. Daft but it felt hard telling them x No doubt I will be one asked to represent school at the funeral.

Rosemary think I must have missed your post about your book, will have to go back and re read.

Lesley lovely photos on facebook

Hope everyone else is ok, bug higs xxx

Helen xxx

Hello again, glad I have wetted your appetite for reading perhaps I could approach publishers with "well I know a group of penguins that would like to read it, could you put it on a low shelf?" - actually... there is a Penguin Paperback publisher isn't there???  Will research what they are doing at the moment!  Did I mention that all the stuff I have already written I saved to floppy disk?  I can't believe I haven't put it on a CD, it can't be that long ago that I last saved it, will have to dig some more in the filing cabinet.  I will see if I can put some bits on here as a blog and then you can tell me what you think (total honesty only though chaps, I can take it), it's so long since I started it I'm not sure if it would be out of date in some ways.  Basically it's a story based in a primary school (I used to be a teaching assistant so drew on experiences there and people watching over many years both there and from the kids schools), it starts at the beginning of the September term and should finish with the summer holidays, I think I was about up to January......

I have been very technical and have tried updating my iPod to my laptop tonight and added a few songs, I really must get some more CD's uploaded to the computer and then onto the Purple Pod, I don't want to buy all the stuff we already have, but it all takes so long, especially when it doesn't do what I want it to and takes forever to sort out.  I bought it originally as I wanted to listen to music whilst mucking out (they don't allow radio's playing on the yard as there are so many people there might be a clash of noise), now it's easy to choose songs that I like rather than having to buy a whole album.  The first song I downloaded was Leona Lewis, Run - can't listen to it without crying but it summed up everything for me when Steve was ill. 

Ok I've waffled on here and now can't remember what anyone has said, sorry, but will be back tomorrow and will be thinking of you all again tonight as I snuggle into bed, asking the angels to look after you all and keep you and your families safe.  Night night, God bless xxxxx

Whoa ..... white van man better look out ...... even I am bit scared and I know full well that Napoleon is on my side!!  Sue, you are very special.  I love the way that even when you are feeling blue you can't help but want to put a smile on others' faces.  That is such a lovely nice and quite rare characteristic to have you know - I hope that there are people around you who want to do the same for you. xxx

Rosemary - you will now have a posse of penguins hassling you to get writing and finish the book, a blog sounds a wonderful idea.  I know what you mean about downloading CDs, although it doesn't take that long when I get round to it, I find it incredibly tedious.  I am now looking at finding a way to get my cassettes on the computer so I can add them!  You with your floppy discs and me with my tapes - not very 'happening' are we! 

Patricia and Helen - I cannot imagine anyone better to help and look after your friends, you will both be such a support and comfort to them.  The only thing I would say is to please, please look after yourselves at the same time.  I think we all know what reserves of strength and support we can find when necessary, however, you can't give 'all' of yourself just yet guys, all still too raw.  So yes, be the best friend that I know you can be, but make sure that you remember you still need cosseting too and keeping some time and care for yourselves. Okay, lecture over.

Gayle, hope this week has started better than the last finished hun.  I am working on a very special playlist on my Ipod just for you!!  If Paul McKenna does send out his 'thinning thoughts' could you please divert some up my way - just had a Rolo pudding........ well it was buy 2 for £1.16 or 4 for £1.00 .... no brainer really (although I have to say the fact that 4 was cheaper than 2 did flumux me for a minute!!

Bren, I hope that your cold has not come to anything - I have said it before here - but a duvet on the settee, a mug of hot chocolate and an old black and white film with a box of tissues (for nose or tears, or both) is the order of the day for you.   Fiona, I hope you and Kim are feeling a little stronger, and if not then I hope that Charlie is managing to get you through the darker moments.  Remember, you are his gorgeous granny and he won't mind if you have red eyes when you give him a cuddle.

Lynne - you may scoff at my idea of you in the diplomatic corp but I happen to think that if there were a few more people like you in charge then there wouldn't be so many wars.

It seems there are so many dates and memories at the moment for everyone, and so hard not let yourself play them over in your head.  There is no point in me saying try not to do it, because I know that isn't an option, so I send you all love and tender hugs.  Ailsa, just cos it is you and you are off to see Becky I will let you send any snow up here, hope that you have a good run down.  

I hate it when I am just about to sign off and then suddenly think .... 'I wanted to say ....... to so and so', but can't go back to reread all the posts, so I am sorry if I have left anyone out.

Speak soon - love Judi xx

Morning all - I just called by to leave some ((((hugs)))) for you all and to say 'thanks' for your kind thoughts sent to me.......I hope your day is as good as you wish it to be.............

Love and more (((((((hugs))))))) Dot xxxx

Morning all

I am just off to talk my mutts for a long walk - not quite so Baltic here today - and wanted to send love to all, especially Dottee.  Just you jump right to the middle of the huddle and we will carry you for a while, with our faithful Napoleon riding shotgun, for now you can borrow him as your personal bodyguard/life coach - whichever you prefer  Hope you like sardines!

Judi xx