A little bit of support needed or light humour …if anyone’s around

Hi 
Im not going to say happy birthday cos obviously its not happy.... but thats fine, theres always next year and you never know where you will be mentally by then
Its ok to feel like this, its ok to be sad and cry. And sometimes you just need to let go and stop pretending for everyone else that youre ok. 
When you're grieving there are no rules and no time limits and no special ways that people think is better or worse. 
To lose someone who is a huge part of your life takes some adjusting to and it will never go away or get better but you will slowly learn be better with how it is from now on. 
Birthdays and xmas are always going to be hard they carry a lifetime of memories and they are the times you wish you could be with the people that have gone the most. But remember them and see past the tears and know they wouldnt want you to be sad or lonely only full of the happiness and love ( and all the other emotions) that filled your time with them. 
You arent ever really alone, they are with you in the thousand little things that remind you of them. 
Its hard to believe but one day those tiny things will bring you a small smile not tears. 
Sending you love and hugs M 

Thank you i thought I was doing ok today but Im not  at the moment just your words and knowing someone is here and speaking from experience and with understanding helps. 

Thank you 

It's just a little silly of me too I'm a grown woman crying about not having him here but you all get it x 

I’m sending you huge hugs. I know how much you are missing your man, and the life you had together. Sometimes, it is just too overwhelming. It is so so hard and it is heartbreaking. Sending kind thoughts. Kate. Xxx

Not silly at all. I feel for you. Tonight I have university challenge on tv. We always watched it and I cant quite get that this is going on without him. It's brought it home to me that my routines ceased to exist or rather became a carer's routine. And now I'm all at sea. 

Birthdays, and other anniversaries, are all very difficult.

My wife loved birthdays, and always made a big effort. So when the dates come around now, I just try to cope. 

My wife died about 22 months ago - but I am still struggling with everything. We managed a big holiday a few months before she finally died, and my phone has recently been reminding me of that by presenting me with various collages of photos. Of course, some of the memories are good, but the entire experience is very bittersweet - and I mostly wish that my phone would keep its opinions to itself ...

None of the above will provide you with any help, but I hope at least you will feel that you are not on your own. This is an awful position to be in - but we are all in it.

I send you love, best wishes - and hope.

I hope you get your smile and laugh tomorrow even if just for a while.

Sending wishes of peace for tomorrow x

Hey there,

if you feel able to, I’d love to know what you have planned today?
When it was my birthday back in May I was with my brother who was driving us to his home in Wales. 
So something totally different to the old birthdays when we would be going out for a meal in the early evening then a film of my choice either at the cinema or on the sofa. 
We did go out for a meal with mum and my sister and her husband. But again, that was very different as before it would be just the 2 of us for the meal.

My beautiful Valen was born on Valentines Day. So his birthday this year, with all the hearts in my face, was hard.
And yet. I was with our closest friends for a Pie and Mash supper which he himself had requested. 
We had hoped, totally unrealistically but that was life then, that he would make it to his birthday, hence him arranging everything including a cake! 
It was a lovely evening of tears and laughter and all said that they would like to do it every year. 
So we will be celebrating Valen’s Day, not Valentine’s Day.

I hope you have a manageable day today and that you get some laughter xx

Well I got through the day with some laughs along the way as I hoped. Did end up ironing at 2am though as I couldn’t sleep

Action packed 55th birthday  Tennis in the morning a knock about and then a sup paddle boarding lesson later accompanied by my sister n law. Along the river Stour.  It was something I had never done and decided I have to to some different things especially today I would have gone nuts if I was on my own today yesterday evening was bad enough. 

Expertly trained today by an experienced teacher who had clear passion for the sport. I couldn’t have been that bad as I was asked to join on something at the weekend but I can’t do this weekend unfortunately.  I will definitely do it again I didn’t fall in either but we were made to at the end as part of the training.  Can recommend giving this a go I lost myself on the river for a while now home alone talking to me husband filling him in -  hopefully if he could see me he would have been happy to see me smile again, 

Well done! I loved reading this. I started writing a new post but accidentally clicked off it. But I was saying that I'm writing a journal which is part diary part letter to my husband and it is giving me some comfort and calming me. It helps to talk to him  about my day and it was good to read that you were filling your husband in on your day. I don't write it every day, but when I do, it does help. I went to a nearby historic house today. You can just sit and have a coffee and enjoy the peace and quiet. I watched a dragonfly swooping in the sunshine. It was beautiful. I met another lady who was on her own, tissue in hand. Her first husband had died some 30 years ago and now she had been left by the man she'd been with. Different situation but she was upset about being alone. It was good to have a little chat anyway. Well I shall put on my audio book and hopefully that will get me to sleep. I'm pleased for you that you found something to smile about on your birthday.  

Well done, that sounds amazing. You have tried something different, and enjoyed it. I am going to a trial Tai Chi session at the village hall on Friday. It should be a laugh. Kate. Xxx