My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good luck Judi , its probably better if i dont come with you , you never know what will happen if i'm there lol , you go and show them what you can do xxx Ailsa , i've signed up for the Chesterfield RFL on the 11th July , there is quite a few of us doing it now , so looking forward to it xxx Anyone of us could have wrote your post Sue about , could we have done more , i cant add anything to what the other ladies have said , you have done so well so far , stay in the middle as long as you need too xxx I'm sorry i've forgotten what everybody has written now , the old site was much better when you could go back and look xxx I've spoke to 1 of my step daughters today , she'd text me on fri to say when she was going in hospital for her op on her slipped disc , i text her back and said i was glad she had got a date at last and i would give her a ring over the weekend , she text back and said she looked forward to it . So i called her this afternoon and we just made small talk at first and i think she would have been happy if i hadn't bought it up what happened last week , but i did , and i said i was sorry if i'd upset her but i was also sorry that she'd got me so wrong in the things she'd said . She said , i know Lynne please can we just forget about it and i said yes we could because i thought to  much about her to fall out , but i said i'd not contacted her over the last week or so as i'd felt like a verbal punch bag and i'd needed some time  to recover , i think she was a little taken aback when i said that but i just carried on our conversation and didn't really give her chance to answer that. I feel better now i've let her know how much it affected me and i know she is sorry for the things she said , like she told my son , she didn't set out to do it she just got more and more upset . Oh well we ended the conversation with a good laugh about some of the things her dad used to do , . I've yet to talk to the other one yet but as she  is in the army and we have never talked on a regular basis  any way i'm not to worried . Any way i'm up early in the morning so i'd better say good night , hope everybody has a good week xx

 Take care xx

 Lynne xxxxxx

LYNNE - so glad you've cleared the air with S/d but still told her how much it upset you. well done - it can't have been easy.

sue xx

Good luck tomorrow Judi "you dont need it though"

They would be fools not to give you the job.

Dave xxx

Hello all, can I just say that I do read all of your posts all the time, and I don't want to sound like 'me,me,me' and I apologise for the long post but really needed to share this with you all...

I am currently sitting in bed with my trusty laptop after a lovely night out at my SIL's in honour of my birthday. She made a fabulous beef wellington and we had a lovely time with four generations around the table reminiscing about Miles. We talked about how much we missed him, and about the medium John Edward (as previously mentioned by Bren) whose books my SIL bought me for Xmas. Randomly, his programme was on the TV when I switched it on this morning, and the general theme seemed to be that our loved ones try and contact us all the time, but sometimes we are just not ready to see the signs. He spoke to one family about many things, but the one thing they could not acknowledge/verify was the number 22 that kept being shown... Anyway, I was telling my MIL all this info on the way home, telling her that I was actually raised as a believer, but rather than taking comfort, have found myself very sceptical since Miles left us... 

Anyway, I digress... About this time last year we bought H a 'special' glass (well more of a special plastic) as while we had been on holiday we had a special cocktail called a 'glowtini' that was served in a glass that 'glowed' a kind of fllourescent blue - and we loved it - not so much for the drink but for the fact that Miles, as an artist, had spent may hours trying to replicate the colour of a 20p piece dropped into  Blue Bolls liquor - and the glass had it... So, we bouhgt the glass as a keepsake for H. She's used it on and off since then and today it was sitting on the side in the kitchen.

So, I come home tonight, realise it is re-cycling day and go throught he kitchan into our utility to get the stuff, come back through the kitchen, go outside to the bin, come back inside... and the glas is now glowing. Odd, but I think nothing of it and turm it off. Carry on with life stuff and 10 mins later, the thing is on again. I curse myself for being a bit mental and turn it off again. 10 mins later, we have come upstiars to bed and H realises she has a bit of homework that needs doing, goes to get the laptop and shouts to say that she is a bit scared becuase the glass is glowing again!

I go down to her and what the hell??? It is!!! So I have one of my random conversations with Miles, laughing about how odd it all is, and tell H not to be scared - and bring the glass upstairs with me to try and explain the whole thing away. I smack it with the palm of my hand, bang it on the worksurface - nothing happens. So, I put it on the bedside cabinet. 2 mins later, it turns on. I have a conversation about how bizarre this is, it turms off. H and I talk about coincidences, it turns back on again. We talk about the programme we saw saying people often miss signs and I kid you not, the thing goes mental and turns of and on and off and on for a few minutes before it finally settles - on - and H and I have few tears and hopeful moments that maybe it really is Miles...

Maybe I should also point out that my 40th birthday was friday (22nd) and today it is 22 years since I first met Miles... Coincidence or extreme leps of faith? Who knows? But the number 22 connection never was acknowleged in the programme...

Oh, and Judi, Barry Manilow definitely does NOT count as a weakness... He sung 'oh mandy' after all... but it was 'weekend in new england' that had me in tears when after I finally got to see him live last December (please don;t hold this against me - I really am fun if you give me chance... )

Anyway, back to my random encounters of the glass kind - and yes it is still by my bedside altough it has stayed constantly on all the time I have been writing...

Much love, Manda xxx

Hi Manda just saw your post-hope you dont mind me replying. Im sure Miles is sitting with you hoping you acknowledge he is giving you a sign. Our loved ones often make themselves known through electrical things. Hope it doesnt scare you. Miles wouldnt want you to be afraid. Strange I saw your post as I am having an up moment tonight-long may it continue! I went to a clairvoyance demo and my Hubby who I lost a month ago came through and gave undeniable evidence he is around me(although I already feel him). Wont say too much as I know everyone has different beliefs and would not want to offend any one.I feel so calm and comforted. Hope your Miles giving you a sign makes you feel the same. Im sure more will follow for you. He will give them its up to you not to block them out. x

Manda - I started watching John Edwards about a year ago and initially it all seemed a bit 'random' but when I actually paid attention and listened it was quite incredible.  As you say at the end he always stresses that there are signs all the time if we only open our hearts to them.  How lovely that tonight, maybe when you needed one and were completely open to 'see' it, there it was.  Miles letting you know that he was with you through your birthday and is watching over you and Hayley every day.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I know that I have experienced this and if I remember rightly Dave also had a similar experience in the form of a song when he picked up Nic's ashes.  So give yourself a warm hug from Miles.   PS for me it is 'Even Now' that finishes me every time!

Lynne you are so brave and so clever in the way you dealt with the situation with your SD, it was right and good that you let her know that her words had hurt you badly and not just brushed over the incident.  Sometimes it is so difficult and almost 'easier' to think  'I am just too drained to cope with this', and then you let it go, which can lead to them thinking it is 'acceptable' to take it out on someone else when they are feeling down.  But it is not, and you managed, in a supportive way, to let her know this, not an easy thing to do - I will be putting your name forward for the diplomatic corp soon!.  I hope that she has learnt that you are not available for use as a punch bag again. 

Am off to bed now to get some beauty sleep - can't rely on these 'magic' creams alone!

Judi xxx

just wanted to say that my light has just turned itself off... amazing really and a true reminder of everything i used to believe until it became too hard... As my lovely man told me, " if you can only believe Science then we are nothing but matter and energy, and science teaches us that neither of these can be created or destroyed - only changed..."

A true message of hope for me. and hopefully for us all... xx

Manda, that is wonderful that you have your sign from Miles, I am sure he is comforting you tonight.  I am really looking forward to seeing John Edward in March and have read some of his books, I do believe in his abilities.  I am glad that you and Dave and Gail have got through your tough days.  Lynne good for you for clearing the air, you must feel so much better now.  Judi good luck, you will be great tomorrow. 

I did have a good day with my friend, took her out for her birthday brunch and did a bit of shopping, not the fun kind, just dog and cat food and groceries but nice to get out.  I feel a cold coming on so am going for an early night.  Hope you all have a good night.

Morning girls - and Dave - hope you are all well rested and ready for the world today..............((((hugs)))) for those who need that little bit of extra help xxx............

Ailsa - I'm confused (but then that's easy to do!!).....the only RFL at Ponte i could find is on 13th June.............which I've signed up for.....with York on 27th!!!  Unless of course you're joining the four legged races?????

Judi - good luck with your interview today........... is 'phoning a friend' allowed??  But I can see you surrounded by a big huddle of penguin friends...........all offering support and love to keep you from faltering in your answers..........

Manda - what strange going's-on with your 'glass'..........you'd better keep it somewhere safe - but to be seen easily...........

Dave - well done for carrying on with your 'timetable of events' set out by Nic........Hope your little ones have their share of treats to look forward to?????

Lynne - well done for having the strength to clear the air with your s/d..........these things have to be done/said for your soul to rest easy again............

Bren - hope your cold doesn't get worse than a little sniffle.....

Sue - a 'domestic goddess'??  wish you'd mentioned you were ironing - I have a pile here the size of Everest again...... there's only 3 adults live here so I don't know where it comes from!!!!  I think the neighbours sneak theirs in too!!!!

Patricia - thank you for the hugs and messages you left for me..........

Right I'm off for a mooch round then breakfast, shower and ready to face the day..........

Love and (((((((hugs))))))) to all Dot xxxxx

Morning everyone,

Thank you for the support last night and really sorry if I worried you all.  Had weekend from hell after Friday and then Saturday hangover day, then got some bad news yesterday which was just the icing on the cake.  Some days it all just seems like a big conspiracy.  However woke up this morning and its another day.  Still pretty down but I "think" I have the problem from yesterday sorted so hopefully my week will improve.   Supposed to be going to Birmingham on Friday till Sunday to see Paul McKenna on Saturday but not decided yet.  My sister was going to come with me but can't now so I would be going on my own but might be a good idea to get a couple of days on my own anyway.  Allegedly he is going to make me thin!

Manda - what a beautiful story. I used to watch John Edwards all the time and think he is possibly one of the best out there so very jealous Bren lol.

Lynne - glad you got your feelings off your chest to your SD.  You are a good person and you handled the situation very well.

Judi - good luck - but you won't need it.  Well thats as long as you don't mention your weird music tastes :-)

Sue, Ailsa, Dottee, Fiona, Helen, Bren, Dave, Patricia, Lesley and anyone else as my mind is away today - hope you are well.

Gayle xxx