My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

For Sue and Lesley and anyone else who is in the dark place xxx

I'll be back xxxx

Hi all

Went to footie yesterday as it was Nics birthday.She had asked me to treat my football friends to tickets.So we won which was good.But after getting through Friday relatively unscaved.I got hit by atruck yesterday.And felt like crap .Just missing Nic so badly.

Its strange how Amandas and Wullys birthdays are so close to Nics i hope you both made it through better than i did xxx

Anyway at least were in the next round of the cup against our arch rivals Portsmouth lol.

I hope you are all well thanks Dave xxx

Dave, you are doing so well completing the tasks that Nic has set for you. I am not sure that I would have been able to do it.  The first birthday is a difficult one to get through so well done for that. I am not surprised you feel you have been 'hit by a truck'. It has been a very emotional few days for you.

(well done to your team).

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Oh Dave I know what you mean, when that truck hits it just wipes you out doesn't it?  We coast along on auto pilot for so long that we forget thats how we are getting through the days, but you are doing so well and we are all really proud of you and proud to know you - your Nic knew she had a good one.  So the footie was good and Saints are through, lets hope Nic and her special angels are supporting you and them through to the next round and the next! Hee hee, 1976 all over again, I'll meet you by the cup!

Hope all of you out there are well (Lynne has now ironed her work gear and jim jams) take care and hugs and love to you all xxxxx

Hi all

Dave - Although Helen will no doubt tell you not to believe it, I taught Alex Ferguson everything there is to know about the game that is a bit like rugby but with a round ball, and with those handy net things in the goal which make it so much easier to retrieve the ball when they don't manage to get it over the posts, but without those nice big friendly huddles - so am delighted that your group of chaps scored enough runs  to have another game!!    No really, I think that you are remarkable to be fulfilling Nic's wishes so well and letting all her friends know how much she thought of them, I imagine it would be very emotional and therefore draining.  Make sure that you give yourself some 'me' time. 

Am off to put the ironing board up (therefore you can tell I am taking this interview seriously! lol) ready for tomorrow.  Thank you all for your lovely messages of luck - I will be taking them with me, and when they see the 'penguin posse' entering the building .......... well I will feel better knowing you are all there.

Loads of love to all - Judi xxx 

Hello everyone.  I really hope with all my heart that some may be feeling a little better this evening.  I don't suppose there is any reason why anyone would be feeling any better just yet but I just hope someone is.  I haven't felt any tiredness at all today which is such a lovely feeling in itself so I have done loads and feel good about that.  I went through to the cemetery this afternoon and lit a candle for Chris.  I found it really easy to have a thoroughly good chat with him as well today.  I don't think it was as cold there today as it has been so I really didn't want to come away.  I can't wait for the warmer weather when I can take a book and stay through there with him for much longer.  I had a quick sit on his bench but it was too cold to do that for long.  Next weekend we will get to the end of January and the days are definately a little longer recently so hopefully you are right Sue - and the light at the end of the tunnel will get a little brighter once we see the back of January.  I don't want to throw a dampner on things but I find the passing months can get me down when I realise how long it is since I last saw Chris.  I have similar thoughts to you Lesley - wandering what the point is of doing things when I don't have Chris to share things with.  My heart still lurches when I look at his photo and remember that I won't speak to him again.  My way of handling it is to be really busy and don't give myself time to think.  I know that doesn't work for everyone though and no matter how busy I am my mind is still on Chris every waking minute.  I still can't imagine that ever being any different.  Being busy just makes passing time more bearable for me.  This is such a dark month and I hope that it ends very soon.

Sue, did your weather stay nice today?  It sounded lovely.  It has been raining off and on all day here but I managed to put up a new bird feeding station in my garden inbetween the showers.

Hope you are feeling better Helen.  I am glad I arranged for Stu to pick me up from my night out when I did or I would definately have stayed too long and regretted it.  Going home to an empty house is so easy to put off.

Bren I think the cinema is perhaps one place I feel I could go alone.  The question is would I want to or is that just rubbing salt in the wounds?  Good luck with finding someone to go with.  Like you I have questioned my decision to work so close to Chris dying.  I was in consultation for redundancy in Chris's final weeks so we were both scared for me to take time off.  I only stopped work 5 days before Chris died.

Dave sorry Nics birthday was so tough for you but well done for doing it.  I am so glad your team won. 

I love Patricia & Judi's suggestions for book characters for you Sue.  Tell us wha you choose in the end please.

Sounds like you had the same memory problem as me Rosemary!!!

Hi Lynne, Gayle, Manda & Dot.  Which RFL have you signed up to Lynne?  I sent out an email at work last week for us to do the Ponte one on the 27th June.  Looks like there are few interested.  We will have to track our training and our sponsor money and see how much we can all raise between us.  Well I had better go as I need a shower before bed.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

How come so many of us post around the same time?!  Good luck tomorrow Judi xxx

I DID ALL MY IRONING THIS MORNING - SMUG OR WHAT??

jUDI - ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD FOR TOMORROW. lOTS OF PENGUINS HERE WILL PROVIDE REFERENCES FOR YOU, OR ALTERNATIVELY WE COULD COME AS WELL AND HELP.

Napoleon and his auntie send their regards and best wishes as well.

sue xx

I would love it if you all could come with me, can you imagine us all squashing into the lift and then all shuffling into the office - while the interviewers look on in amazement!  And then I could decide who would get to answer any questions they might fire at me ....... "If you would allow me to consult with my fellow penguins on that one .... huddle, huddle, huddle........ ah yes, my representative Napoleon has been nominated to answer that one.   Next question  ..... "ah, my strengths and weaknesses" ........ huddle, huddle, huddle........ "having taken the question under consideration, as a group we have decided that typos are one thing I am very good at, as for weaknesses, well chocolate ....... yes chocolate is my biggest weakness" ...... What's that Gayle, I can't hear you ........ NO Barry Manilow DOES NOT count as a weakness!"

Huge hugs to all, and especially squishy ones to those that are not in the best of places right now. 

Judi xxxxx

Judi, remember. you are as good if not better than everyone else going for interview x x x

Sue, how about Pingu as a character. not sure how you would achieve that one though but it just feels appropriate x x x