My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Manda, Gayle, Dave....

  for eaxh of you for tomorrow.

sue xx

Amanda, I hope you manage to enjoy at least some of your birthday. It will I know be difficult but the day will come and go whether you enjoy it or not so do your best hun x x x

Dave, I hope the ceremony goes well for you all. it will I am sure be a very emotional day. I will light a candle in Nic's honour.

Gayle, difficult day for you too but I am sure that you will get through it as you have done so well so far. Love to you.

Lesley, well done on the drive and starting to write again. Such an achievement and independance regained.

Lynne I hope you do not have to work too hard. It is not much fun when you are rushed off your feet.

Sue, I am glad you enjoyed the play. It sounds like it was a good production. I shall look out for it.

Ailsa, glad you managed to find a lovely neclace for Becky. Such things are so important aren't they?

Helen, have a good time on Saturday x x

Judi, why so negative? You are as good if not better than some of the others who are out there looking for work. Just keep telling yourself that you are worthy of being employed by these people. They obviously see something in you if they are giving you an interview. Repeat after me.. I am as good as anyone else....  I am as good as anyone else...  I am as good as anyone else....   Now try to believe it. Good luck on Monday  x x x

Esme I know has tried to post but couldn't so I hope she gets on next time.

Dottee, I hope that you and Alan are doing ok and enjoying the mildewr weather.

Fiona, I hope that you are ok too. I know Australia is a long way away, but at least you can keep in touch by txt and e-mail and phone. It is npot tyhe same as him being here but it does help. I know this because Ray went to Australia for 7 months and then to New Zealand for 13 months. It was hard but I managed because I knew he was coming home. Not like now. x x x  Take care hun and keep your chin up x x

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Morning all big hugs to all that need it today xxxxxxxxxx. Judi Judi Judi , always make me smile and thats a nice way to start the day xx Patricia you have just done a very very good post but not one word about how you are feeling , so How are you ????

Take care all and have the best day you possibly can xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone,

Well doing ok so far.  Had a really rough night last night - fight with a friend the works because I was in such a foul mood so hopefully today will be better.  I am just going to go down to the beach soon to scatter some of Wully's ashes.  I had been wracking my brains thinking of somewhere to put them that I could visit and this part of the beach is one that I have went to since I was a small child so I think its appropriate.  The rest of the ashes have to go on the golf course as I said before but that is not a place I will visit or means anything to me so I will let his nephew take care of that. 

Jamie is off school this week because he has tonsilitis (nothing wrong with him but the school don't want him in as he is on antibiotics) so he is off to my mums today to give me some time on my own and Ewan is at nursery.

Judi - what fantastic news!  Everything happens for a reason and I think fate is a big part of it.  What is for you won't go by you as they say.  So fingers crossed.

Dave - thinking of you today xxxx

Bug higs to everyone else - I couldn't survive without my friends for life that I have made on here - you all mean the world to me.

Gayle xxx

Sending out lots of love and angel hugs, penguin hugs and Patricia hugs to all my friends on here especially those with special days today. Give yourselves a big hug too for doing so well. x x x

Today is another hurdle for lots of you and even though you may have been dreading it you know you will get through in one way or another. There may be tears, there may be some laughter too. There will be sadness because you miss them so much and gladness that they are no longer suffering. Our lives seem to be a see-saw of these mixed emotions these days but hopefully we are all managing to find a kind of balance so that we do not slip intothe abyss of helplessness and lonliness which it so easy to teeter on the edge of. Just in case you are worried by this post, I am not teetering today, I have managed to take a step back onto terra firma.

I love you all and wish you the best day you could possibly manage to have.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Good evening everyone.  Looks like I am the first home tonight.  I have had the nicest social occasion for months this afternoon.  To celebrate the birthdays of 2 work colleagues we went out for food and a drink at about 1:30 this afternoon and I have just got home - the first to leave!  I could easily have stayed but Stu was picking me up and he is on earlies tomorrow.  I just hope that is the start of enjoyable nights out.

I think mid-week makes sense as far as the crowds at Meadowhall are concerned Lynne & Patricia which would mean a day off for me as well.  I have run out of holidays because I put some days in as holidays in the week before Chris died that should probably been compassionate leave.  The company I work for didn't offer to convert them back to absence and I am too proud to ask so it means I won't have any holidays until the first of April.  If we can make our little meet after the 1st April I can have a holiday as well and we can probably work round your shifts Patricia.

I hope you are having a good night out as well tonight Lynne.  Sue - I will watch out for the Kneehigh Theatre and go to see them if they come close to here.  I have tickets to go to 3 productions at the Lamproom Theatre in Barnsley in the first half of this year.  This is new to me but I am looking forward to it.

Judi - good luck for Monday although it already sounds like a done deal to me with all of the strange coincidences!

I have been thinking of Dave, Gayle & Manda today - lots of love to you all.

Take care everyone else as well.  Ailsa xxx

50 sleeps - tomorrow it starts with a 4!! xx

Judi wow!  Good luck for Monday and as you say it doesn't mean you will definitely get the job and it will be good experience as an interview but hey Ed sent that lady to you so in my book I reckon the job should be yours - hope you like it. 

Lynne I think the Passiflora do help as a mild sedative, Jennie (the welsh lady who recommended them) finds them really helpful whenever she is having a bad time.

Gayle, Manda and Dave hope your day has gone well, not been the best of weather and that always makes things harder.  Been thinking of you. xxx

Things ok here but had bad news of another friends husband and another dear friends very good friend also in dire straits with this b****y disease, so any positive thoughts floating about please send them this way and I will direct them on.  I hate the helpless, useless way it makes you feel, words never really help do they?

Love to you all, take care, hope the weekend is good for you (and I hope this posts alright this time) xxxx

Hi all

Thanks for all of your well wishes.

After all the build up as is usual,i found myself quite calm and the ceremony went fine ,"even though it poured with rain.

My SIL didnt turn up as she has had dissagreements with both FIL and MIL and also Nics friend.

Although my BIL turned up with my niece,Ive known him longer than Nic and her sister and we were friends before,and they got together through me and Nic,we still remain good friends.

We had a nice meal on my FIL and the kids seem to enjoy being together.

I felt a bit detached at the ceremony .I suppose i know its not about that and that Nic is in my heart and memories.Having said that im pleased its done and we have somewhere to visit.

Thanks again for all your amazing support .

Dave xxx

Dear Dave

so glad that your day went so calmly and well - as you say, you now have the comfort of a special place to visit, and I am sure that it will not only bring comfort to you but tot he boys as they grow older.

big hugs to you all

sue xx