My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Gayle and Manda

another 'first' over - well done, you two.

Bug higs

Sue xx

Well done Dave.

Rosemary how sad that yet more people are affected by this godforsaken affliction. So sorry hun.

Ailsa, I will be away until 10th April so any time after that we can arrange something if that is ok with you?

I hope that Gayle and Lesley are doing ok.

Love and angel  hugs to everyone x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone,

Glad you are okay Dave and you managed to get through the day.  You were in my thoughts. 

Manda - hope you are surviving your birthday too xx

Rosemary - sending good thoughts to your friends husband.

Well had an up and down day.  Had a few tears this morning then went to beach and scattered Wully's ashes - just me and the dog.  It was fine and I felt better after doing it although kept coming back to Wully's last days and weeks instead of the good times.  Really missed him today - big hole that the has left as my best friend.

I then went to my mum and dads for a while and while I was there I got an email from Wully's ex.  I was okay reading it to myself but then I said to mum that I had got it and read it out to her and broke down.  It was a lovely email and I sent her a reply back.  She did treat him badly but he didn't bear any animosity to him and she obviously is hurting that past rifts weren't healed and she also remembered his birthday which I found touching.  Although reflecting on it she was actually with Wully longer than I was (she was with him 13 years and I 10) although he always said that I was his number 1 and wished he had met me when he was younger.

I felt not bad and took Ewan to football but got upset there with all the dads running about with their kids.  So I took them to McDonalds and ended up bumping my car because I was in a bit of a state.  So a bad day ended much worse.  I can't see how much damage I have done but think it is just some scratches.  Felt like an idiot.  My sister and her boyfriend came over tonight for a couple of hours so that passed the time and now I am sitting have a few drinks getting slowly drunk and hopefully tomorrow will be a better brighter day.  Can't get worse (how many times have we all said that over the years).  Well this is now turning into war and peace so I will go.

Thank you for the support ladies & Dave.

Gayle xxxx

Dave, well done you and I am glad that you didn't find it too upsetting.  It is very odd how all these different 'events/occasions' affect us in not necesssarily the way we expect. 

Sue my darling - I wouldn't be at all surprised if you get a phone call from Edinburgh Zoo, because every day there is a 'Penguin Parade' when the keepers walk the penguins down the visitors paths from their enclosure and back again.  It is a wonderful sight to see, all these wonderful creatures waddling along, looking as if they are chatting to each other as they all move forward as one group.  I think that when they see what knowledge you now have of them due to your 'research' they may give you a uniform and get you to lead the March........ "and a hup two three four, left, right, left right ..... come along you stragglers ..... excuse me ... yes you at the back ...... oi Judi.... give that child back its ice cream.  Lynne, could you PLEASE try and keep in formation, you are tripping the others up.......Dave would you mind just trying to keep these ladies in order, Napoleon is doing his best but it is beginning to look like a lost cause .... Helen ........ Helen ......... er Helen........ thank you, yes I know that it is hot and there is a cart selling cider, but if you just follow me you will get a nice sardine soon!!"      Well that's how I like to think of it. 

Have opened a bottle of Rose tonight (only had two glasses honestly!) and just chilled.  Still find Friday and Saturday evenings a bit jittery, but am learning to cope.  I hope that Manda has had an enjoyable evening with friends tonight... you look FAR TOO YOUNG in your pictures madam. 

Not too much planned for this weekend but strangely that is not bothering me too much, I think I am looking forward to Newcastle and keeping that in mind.  Thank you everyone for your wishes for Monday, I have my fingers crossed but as you said Rosemary, I can truthfully say that having the interview will be good enough, as it is SO long since I have had to try and 'sell' myself - arrggghhh - don't like even thinking about it, but know it will be good for me.  My darling had a ridiculous amount of faith in me, so I will try to do him proud. 

Loads of love to all, think I may go and sneak a third glass before bed.

Judi xxxxx

My darling Gayle, my post must have crossed with yours. 

I will pour you a glass of my rose and we can sit together.  There is NO doubt at all that you are Wully's NO 1, none.  And you know what, it is not the number of years but the quality of those years - and you and he shared the ones that matter. 

As long as it doesn't hurt you too much then I am glad that you got the e-mail.  Being a second wife myself I do understand there are a whole gambit of mixed emotions aren't there.  Sometimes I actually feel a true affinity with Ed's first wife, as she is the only other person in the world that I think had the same 'kind' of love for him, even if it was over twenty odd years ago.  Then the next minute I am jealous that she loved him 'first'! Daft I know, but who ever said our thoughts were logical. 

I am so sorry about the car, but you know what - it is a bit of metal, it doesn't matter, only you and the boys matter.  So take a huge squashy hug from me, I'll top up your glass and we can listen to some terrible Barry Manilow songs and sing along, very loudly and out of tune ........ it's okay, my neighbours are out.

Loads of love to you hun.  Judi xxxxx

Now when I said terrible ..... I didn't mean it really ...... been a closet fan (okay then - when a bit boozy) since I was a teenager.   So Gayle, I will start   "I made it through the rain ........ I kept myself protected ....." 

P.S. sorry about the bum notes.

Judes xx

Now Judi you have really cheered me up but I draw the line at Barry Mannilow!  Aint no way I am singing along to him lol!!!  Pass me a glass xxx

Oh just you wait until Newcastle Gayle, a few glasses of wine, a couple of nightcaps and I will have you singing at the top of your voice!!!! lol

Judes xxx

I have just ran out of bacardi breezers so if you supply the wine I will sing barry mannilow to you xxx

Just off the the fridge to get another bottle - aren't these screw top ones a fantastic invention!!!

J x