My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Dave, I shal think of you and the boys on friday and light a candle in your honour of your beautiful Nic.

helen, I hope you manage to have a good birthday. I believe that the feather is a sign that your husband is near you because you are feeling so sad about your birthday and his absence.

Lesley, I hope your arm soon feels a little easier and that you yourself find some peace.

sue you are very quiet these days so I hope that things are going well for you.

Lynne, good luck to yur dad.

Ailsa, maybe one day we could meet at Meadowhell. (Lynne could come too).

Fiona, dotttee, amanda, esme, hop eyou are all ok

Thank you all for your kindness, it means so much. I hate to say how 'down' I feel, but sometimes it is too hard to keep it all inside and I feel that the only way to overcome it is to express myself in the written word.

I know that each and every one of you is at some point at a low but hopefully then have 'up' days to balance it out. I am hoping that the 'up' days will soon return to my life. Please don't misunderstand me, I do have lots of laughter in myu life it is just when I get time to reflect that I become very morose. Oh well, I guess I better go and check on the sleeping people and make sure they are ok. At least I have a few nights off after this.

Take care all my lovely friends. I hope that the day brings yu peace and happiness.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. what time are you all planning to meet up??

We have the dreaded white stuff back again.

Enough is enough!

sue xx

Morning everyone,

Just trying to catch up on all your posts and forgotten already.  Lesley, Lynne is right I am the queen of shopping lol!  Went out on Saturday to buy a belt and ended up with too many bags to carry.  Oh well its only money lol.  Glad to hear your dad is a bit better Lynne and what a lovely son you have. 

Patricia - you know that you can moan and rant on here whenever you like.  I can imagine the wedding will be very difficult.  I cry at weddings anyway so can imagine it will be even more poignant.

Fiona - you are doing so well with Darren away and remember its not a year now as he has been away now for a wee while so before you know it he will be home with you and you can look forward to hearing about all his adventures.  I wish I had had the courage to do something like that when I was younger. 

Dave - huge hugs to you and you are in my thoughts.  You know where we are if you need a chat.  Friday will be very hard but think of all us being with you in thought holding your hand. 

Manda - will be thinking of you too on Friday. 

We are doing okay this week.  Dreading Friday as it's Wully's birthday but putting it to the back of my mind at the moment. 

Hugs to you all xxx

52 sleeps to go!!!!

Gayle xxx

Patricia forgive me if I'm out of line but you sound as if you are actually a bit depressed, I mean properly not just understandably down.  A lovely friend of mine (in Wales) recommends Passiflora capsules as a non anti depressant way of helping with stress like this - she had to nurse her mother for quite a few years after a stroke and it was a very stressful and sad time.  I thought I should mention it, not just for you but for a few of the others who might find them helpful and helps to get you off to sleep to I think.  Maybe Google it and have a read, I think they are better than St Johns Wort which is also meant to help depression.  Failing all this I will send you a huge hug anyway and as the others have said, keep talking on here no-one thinks of you as moaning or bringing things down this is the best place and sometimes the only place to be able to let it out. xxxxx

Going back now to read the posts again as I have forgotten what I was going to say!

(Ah yes, hugs to Dave for Friday, we'll be with you.  And also for Gayle for Wullys birthday, will definitely raise a glass, or two, to you both xxx)

Esme(Rosemary) you are never out of line hun.(I will check out the capsules yolu mentioned).  I am going through a bad patch where I hold myself together for the most part and try to keep cheerful so as not to upset others. It is just that sometimes it gets the better of me and I just have to go with it and let myself cry and be miserable but try to do it in privacy. I act the fool and make the peopleI look after laugh and they think all is well. (They don't know me and don't need to know what is going on in my life). Talking on here is a great help and I thank you all for your support. I am aware that you are all going through your own torments and appreciate some of what I feel. Thanks again.

Reading some of the posts I wonder if I have made mistakes with ther birthdays.

Soooo....... to all of you who have a birthday looming then I hope that you manage to have a good one. For those who have a loved ones birthday or some other significant day coming up the love and angel hugs for you to help you through.

Sue, poor you. More snow!!!

So sorry that I am not remembering what people say. I will and must try harder.

It is time that I migrated from the centre of the huddle to make room for someone more deserving.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello Everyone

Looks like a few of us are in for a difficult day on Friday, I will be thinking of you Dave and Gayle... Let's hope we manage to get through as best we all can. xx

Patricia, I wish I could be there to give you a real life penguin hug, and what;s this about making room for someone more deserving? none of us is more deserving, just maybe more in need at different times... back into the middle you go! xx

Lesley, hope your wrist has stopped aching so much... maybe another glass of red is what's needed ;o) xx

Esme, your FB status is so true... there were so many times that people told me that if my love could have saved Miles he never would have died. xx

Helen, Lynne, Fiona, Ailsa (and everyone else, sorry if I forget anyone) hope you are all doing ok.

Well, today should have been the day that my lovely man and I took off to Sandals in Montego bay in honour of my 40th birthday. Have to say I have been somewhat of a wet lettuce all day, and I just want to get the next few days over and done with. It will be 15 weeks on Saturday since Miles died, and already we have had my great nieces 1st birthday, Hayley's 16th, my nephew's 21st, his nephew's 18th, Xmas, Miles' birthday, new year... So many special occassions that he would have loved - all so sad for us all without him...

Sorry, tears again now. Hope you all have a good night

manda xx

Dearest Amanda ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG SOFT SQUIDGY HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you.

It must be so difficult for you at the moment (hhhmmmmmm.... well more difficult).  It is so heartrending isn't it when we have special occassions to get through (I am afraid that is how I see it) without our beloved partners. Ray, loved family gatherings too although he pretended he didn't lol.  So I understand a little of how you mnay be feeling. It is strange because I don't know about you, but I go to these things and try to take part but feel so alone and distant from the events going on around me. I do hope that you can enjoy at least some of your birthday. Miles I am sure will if he can be watching over you and willing you to be as happy as you can be.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening guys

No snow here but I did hear on the radio this morning that it was wafting its back and thought of anyone having to go through it all AGAIN.  Funny how quickly something that initially is oh so pretty and fun can jsut become a pain in the butt!

Well I have registered with an agency and submitted a couple of job applications online in the forlorn hope that someone will want me!!!!  no serioulsy, I am lucky - my current boss knows the situation and has been wonderful,  he even said that he didn't think he would be lucky enough to keep me for long... how sweet is that, now if only I could find a potential employer to wheel him out in front of to repeat it!! lol

I would like to echo Patricia's thoughts and send special Napoleon wishes to everyone who has 'a memorable date' coming up.  Beaks up guys, we are all here for you.  Lynne, glad that your dad is sounding a little more like himself.

Hopeing for an early night tonight but MUST join a library soon, I have run out of books and I hate not having something to read when I go to bed, and I am FAR too mean to buy them!

Judi xxx

Woops, with as many typos as that I will never get a job!  J xx

aww judi, i am sure you will get a job somewhere but you will just have to be patient. I have tons of books here coz I buy them in the £1 shop and then people pass theirs on to me too. It is like a library in here and always has been. lol;

Take care hun

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x