My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening everyone

Patricia and Lesley, bug higs to you both. Hope you`re feeling bit brighter tonight xx

Amanda I will raise a glass for you on Friday also, I found that the lead up to birthdays and `special` days was always worse than the actual day. All the anticipation, Miles would want you to enjoy if you can xxx

Fiona hope you`re ok today too, so much happening this week for you all xxx

Dave, will be thinking of you and the boys on Friday. You are doing Nic proud xxx

Ladies, ladies calm down lol!!! What is it with men in uniform hee hee, well 3 of them came and I ve got a lovely new smoke alarm that should last for 10 years!! Will have to break the other one now lol!! Laughing at the thought of a line of you outside the door as they arrived!!!

The girl I work with is going through a hard time at the moment, her mum is terminal and it looks like the end is near for her. It is bringing a lot of reminders back of Paul and had to swallow the tears a few times, it sounds awful but her mum is 76 and I know it doesn`t make it easier but I feel so cheated when she is saying her mum is being taken too soon. Where does that leave all our loved ones?? Much too soon xx I have bitten my lip and wouldn`t for the world say anything but it hurts at times xx

I also got a white feather today, was just in our room at school and the tiniest white feather floated down to me. Where could that come from??? Maybe a sign as some have said on here from Paul, who knows?

Love to all of you, hang in there

Helen xxx

Good evening everyone.  Patricia I hope you are feeling a little better this evening.  I don't think of your post as negative at all, just very honest and I hope you post safe in the knowledge that we are here and have some idea of how you feel.  I understand the dread you feel about your son's wedding.  I felt part of that dread when my sisters wedding was looming.  I really enjoyed the hen do and would happily have stopped at that.  When it all went wrong and I missed the wedding I was only half sorry.  I didn't want to spoil their day but I really didn't have the strength to get through the ceremony.  However, I believe Mum's are the strongest people in the world and we will do anything and everything for our children and be glad we did.  It was the usual story on the day of my sisters wedding - it wasn't quite as bad as the build up - so I am 100% sure that that is how it will be for you on the day as well.  I think thoughts of the wedding are making you miss Ray even more than normal (if that is possible) even this far ahead of the big day.  It must never be far from your mind.  Lots of ((((((((bug higs)))))))) for you Patricia.  A close friend remembered me saying once that I felt sick every morning when I wake up and remember I don't have Chris anymore.  She asked me if that had stopped now and I had to admit that it hasn't, I have just become used to feeling like that when I open my eyes.  Your son's marriage is a very big deal so you are forced to have overwheming feelings as it draws near so keep huddling in and let us try to be a bit of a back stop for you xx

Dave I too will be thinking about you & George & Freddie on Friday.  This is something that once it has happened you will be very proud knowing you have done Nic proud and given yourself and the boys somewhere special.  The bracelets are a wonderful idea.  What a lovely idea of Nic's.  Chris being a footie mad bloke, made me promise to buy England shirts with his name on the back for the kids and their partners and our grandson & myself.  It must be hard handing them out so pace yourself or you will be exhausted.

Lesley I have been looking at more photos of little Daniel on FB - he is coming on.  Good evening to Sue & Dot and everyone else.  How is your Dad Lynne?

Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx 

Hi again.  I am trying hard to relax and watch TV tonight for a change.  It isn't that easy - I feel like the evening is dragging and I am more tired than I would be if I was busy.  Might have to try a bit of Lesley's retail therapy myself instead tomorrow after work - I feel a trip to Meadowhell coming on!

Even though it is very hard on you Helen I am sure you are being a big help and support to the lady you work with whose mum is so ill.  Just make sure you take some time out for yourself as well.  I know what you mean about the age thing but you have already figures out that this is her worsed pain so you will be there for her.  But as I have said - make sure you step back when you need to.

Patricia - I hope I didn't sound like I was trying to say I know what you feel about your son's forthcoming wedding because of course I don't.  I really just meant I can imagine a little about how difficult it will be just because I was shocked how much I was dreading even my sisters wedding.  That feeling must be far more intense for a child of your own.  My thoughts are with you.  Have you been able to get involved much with the preparations?  I think I remember you saying the wedding is in Japan - or did I dream that?

I had better get off again.  Ailsa xxx 

Hi Ailsa

Hope you manage to relax a bit tonight xx Yeah of course I want to be there for her, I lost my mum 6 years ago and know exactly what it s like.Its a long story but she can be hard work and has been difficult to work with at times but I still will do what I can.

Funny you all talking about weddings, Nat told me last night that she had asked Liam if he would give her away in the future!! 16 and no sign of marriage but she felt she needed to check lol. My bro gave me away as I was 20 when my Dad died so maybe she thought of that too. Bless her xx

Helen x

Helen, snap.

Not long after Ed died Ed's older daughter told her sister that she shouldn't worry as her husband would walk her down the aisle and as quick as a flash she replied in no uncertain terms that Boy would be doing that job. 

Judi xx

Evening all , big hugs to Patricia and Lesley and anybody else who needs one tonight , got plenty going spare lol Helen i think i missed your fireman post , gutted .... Ailsa hope your a little more settled now , i can just sit and do one thing as i'm typing this i'm playing on my new sat nav lol , why cant i stop spending/ i've got a sat nav but i had to go and buy another one , i'll give my other one to my son but i really could have managed with that one . Lesley if you love shopping , wait till you meet Gayle , she can shop lol . Dave , we'll all be thinking about you in the next few days , i had a little cry as i read your post , how lovely of Nic to have thought of that , amazing lady xxx. Sue i love the pic of Napolean and yes i can imagine Judi with a baseball bat , sorry Judi xx Glad Darren is keeping in touch Fiona , make sure you get plenty of photos to show us please .

Oh just remembered my train tickets have come today yippee , how many days ???

 Dad is doing ok , he's looking a bit stronger and complaining he's fed up so that is always a good sign lol He has to go back to clinic next wed when he can have the mould out of his mouth and hopefully the skin graft will have taken and hopefully he will be able to start eating again .

Take care Lynne xxxx

53 more sleeps to go Lynne !!!

Are you sure Ailsa , thats way to many lol xx

Because it is you Lynne I will forgive you ....... I was just wondering who had been telling tales about my 'gentle' persuasion methods!! lol.

53 - that seems ages!!!

Judi xx

Evening to everyone, First big hugs Patricia and Lesley, and we all seem to understand how you are feeling Patricia and it is just how i felt, but as we say we have to keep going for our family. You will be fine at your son's wedding i am sure as we say the leading up to all these things are worse as the actual day. Dave my thoughts are with you and the boys for this coming week, Derek never sayed a thing to me or any of the family about when he would not be here, we just seem to get through a day at a time and his end was so quick. I just remember him saying to Kim and Darren to look after me when he was diagnosed and they sure are. Hope everyone else is doing ok and i can't wait till we meet up it has gave me something to look forward too. Well i have just got an e- mail through from Darren so i am off to read it and see what he has been up to, still can't think i am not going to see him for a year. Luv and Hugs to everyone. Fiona xxxxxxxxxx