My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning guys

The sun is shining up here, which is lovely but just howing me how badly my windows need washing!!  Don't know what excuse I can use for bad punctuation and typos Lesley ..lol

So funny that you should have posted about Kev etc Helen, I got back from my very pleasant evening - not too wild as I was driving - but the wii dancing competition was such fun (people get very competitive don't they - I went more for the 'freestyle kind' of dancing!) and was planning to go to bed early ....... but ended up speed reading through this thread from the beginning (so yes 2am... again!) and although quite emotional it does show how people are coping with some aspects of this new reality probably better than they realise.  But the point I started to make (I have never been able to be succinct!) was that I ended up really laughing at one point - I think some of you longterm posters will remember - it was 25 July and you had a party - it went of for pages and pages and was absolutely hilarious.  It was cyberly held at Kev's house and he kept asking for music requests and Lynne was at the bar, Quill had to be helped in, the drinks were flowing, there were pringles and crisps, there was dancing and jokes .... and plenty of G&T, lots of pictures of empty glasses asking for a top up.  It was wonderful.   How lovely to think that it ended up with them finding each other .... and trust Lynne to sus it out!

Lesley I think, and only think, that the train Manda is planning on getting arrives at Newcastle about the same time as mine, so with any luck we could meet there and travel to the hotel together.

Will pop back later to see if any other defrosting penguins have posted what they are up to and how they are feeling.  To those having a 'good day' I am chuffed for you and for anyone not having such an easy time, be kind to yourselves.

Love Judi xxxx

Hi everyone.  Gayle please keep 'ranting' whenever you need to.  I have had tears rolling down my face reading about little Ewan.  It must be confusing for him yet he still wants to comfort his mummy.  Small children have a wonderful way of coping so you can be sure he won't be hurting quite as much as you thankfully.  You wouldn't want that for him.  Keep doing what you are doing as it sounds like he is a wonderful little boy.

Rosemary - parking angels - why did I never think of that before.  I will definately be trying it out and believing.

Fiona - I am glad Darren has sent another text - has he phoned yet today?  Good luck with the drive to Newcastle.  You will be fine.  I have every confidence and really would do it myself it I didn't have my usual concerns over parking spaces.  I can't remember the last time I traveled on a train so it will be something new for me anyway and give me a chance to see if it is something I would want to do again.

Sorry the psychic didn't show Helen - what a disappointment.  Sounds like you and Lynne had good nights out last night.  Both of you talking about losing weight has shamed me.  I have lost about half a stone since Chris died but like Lynne I think it is the weight I put on eating the things I was trying to tempt Chris with.  I have only just finished most of the rubbish food left from Christmas so maybe I can eat properly again from next week.  I still have chocolates left but I have put them in the garage so that I forget about them mostly.  I try to only get them out when i have visitors than hopefully they will eat lots of them!!

Lesley I am getting the hang of reading your posts now.  You are doing really well.  Good luck at the hospital tomorrow - not be long before you are picking little Daniel up for yourself.

Lynne - I hope you dream somemore tonight and we get a second instalment.  You've just made me even more excited for the meet - 55 days.  Ailsa xxx

Ha Ha Judi i remember the party well , we should have another soon , yes i remember i never left the bar lol , xxx

Ha ha Lynne, love the dream!! Not so sure about the footbal kit LOL but Paul would approve as although his 1st team was Liverpool he also supported celtic. Think I would suit the green and white hoops lol!! Ive still got Paul`s celtic shirts upstairs but not the shorts I m pleased to say!!

Yes Lynne like you said we must have looked like crap before lol!! Oh well onwards and upwards!!

Yes I remember that party,plenty of alcohol and nibbles. Kev was a laugh and so pleased he found someone xx

I was feeling bit flat this morning and really restless. Probably all the alcohol over the weekend, not good!! Anyway been out in the gardena and feel much better now, bulbs starting to poke through and nice to be out there again. Liam just making me a bacon buttie, didn`t have my big brekkie before Lynne lol. Got ironing and tidying up to do later and am going to make a roast. Not done one for ages.

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxx

How strange it was Cetic kit Helen , i want another instalment tonight , like Ailsa says xxxx

Thank you ladies, feeling a bit better today.  I think probably what upset me too was that Ewan now thinks he has a Granda Daddy.  Which is good for them as they need a male figure in their life who loves them almost as much as their daddy did.  But I remember Wully being fiercely protective of them.  He hated that we had to send them away a lot when he was ill as I couldn't look after them and him.  He felt they should be with him and he was a very proud daddy.  He did want me to meet someone but didn't want them calling anyone Daddy and made me promise not to change their names if I remarried which of course I never would.  Never mind another day in the emotional rollercoaster.

Loved the dream Lynne - made me laugh out loud!!!  No way am I bringing the kids though!  I want a break lol.

I remember that party too.  It seems so long ago.  But I think we don't have guys posting on this thread because their ears would be bleeding listening to all us yacking women lol!!!  Poor Dave - big hugs for listening to us all.  I should really reread the thread again - I know what you mean Judi about how far we have come. 

Well better go and do some work - very busy up to end of January and if see another tax return I will cry.

Gayle xxx

Gayle no one else will ever take the place of Wully as `Daddy` but it is nice you have Wully`s blessing to meet someone else. Paul told me the same about meeting someone else, he insisted I would one day which I could never imagine when he said it but if it ever does I know I have his blessing too xx

I have just re read the 25th July  party night, it was funny lol.

Kev was a laugh and Dave does well listening to us all. Glad we all help each other xx

Helen xxx

Sorry forgot to say - Fiona, yes I can pick you up.  I will be coming down the A74 (I think!) and will make a detour to pick you up.

Gayle x

Hi all, now I have a sense of deja vu - My mum and dad had a chalet near Gatehouse of Fleet, which is about twenty miles past Fiona, and Ed and I used to take the kids there often - so now I can totally picture Gayle going down the A74, turning off onto the A75 and heading for Dumfires and picking up Fiona.  55 sleeps.

Helen, all this gym malarkey means that you get to wear horizontal stripes, so yes I think you can get away with the Celtic strip.  Lynne (and Dottee)  I now don't care what Dottee looks like, I have a picut reof her in my head and that is it...... and very classy she is too!

Gayle hun, I think that everytime these kind of thoughts or situations resurface they are just as raw, just as emotional and that you are a complete and utter star for being able to speak to Ewen in an honest  but measured way, and for crying in front of him.  I believe little ones love and need to know that they can 'help' mum whether it is with dusting, cooking or even with 'life' - and if they feel they have then that makes them happy - so give yourself a hug.    

Was able to take fresh flowers to Ed for the first time this year, the council had asked people to give them a couple of days to get rid of the snow and try and dry all the ground up a bit, and it looks super - I had a wee chat and told him I was coming to meet you guys, I think there was probably an ironic smile and a laughing nod of the head. 

Loads of love to all

Judi xxx

Afternoon girls - I just fell off my chair laughing Lynne at your dream.........Your description of 'me' could not be further from the truth!!!!  Fur coat??  Never - and certainly not mink!!!!  Jewellery - uh-uh.........only an eternity ring and wedding ring!!!!  Hair and make-up immaculate.............listen here hun - you're talking about the world's oldest tomboy!!!  My hair always looks like I've been dragged through a hedge and make-up irritates the life out of me!!!!!  And tall - I'm 5' 6" - and still rather plump!!!!!!!!!!!!  Glad you didn't mention high heels - I'd have broken my ankle just thinking about that!!!  I'm usually found wearing joggers or jeans, T-shirt, jumper (or baggy cardi) and trainers - or in wet weather my favouritest walking boots!!!!!  (If I wear a skirt to work the kids all go in to shock and have to have medical treatment!!)  Still the 'me' in your dream sounds good to look at - but does she have a big heart and lots of (((((((hugs)))))))) to give you all????  Lovely as your plans sound I'm afraid I won't be able to join you - with or without fur coat and make up!!!!!! 

Love and ((((hugs)))))  Dot xxxxxxxx