My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Oh and I forgot - you should come and live in Scotland Ailsa, wheel clamping is illegal here apart from on public highways, and even then only the police can do it!!  Judi xxx

Lynne - in 56 days time we will all be re-introduced properly and be wandering where to eat in the evening having enjoyed a nice relaxing glass of cider!!!

Judi - enjoy your evening.  It sounds like a lot of fun which must make me 'like-minded' as well.  That would be my dream - illegal to wheel clamp.  Then I wouldn't worry coz I can park okay.  I have just taken Chris 3.5 tonne van out of the drive to get at the last 3 Christmas lights on the house and then reversed it back into place.  Next job on the list is to sell the van now the snow has gone.  I might be able to drive it but I don't want to.  Mine is just a medium sized van.  Lynne will be good with vans.  Good cause so I hope you raise lots of money tonight Judi.  xxx

Evening everyone,

Well had a sad day today - sorry to dump on you all again.  I was sitting in the chair this morning just having a reflective moment listening to a sad song when Ewan climbed up on top of me and asked me what I was thinking about.  I said your daddy and then I asked him if he remembered him.  He said yes but had to think for a while.  He says he remembered he had scratchy arms like sponge bob!!! (I think he meant hairy).  Of course this should have been funny but just made me feel incredibly sad.  I then asked him if he knew where his daddy lived and he said yes he lives in the sky but its okay because I have a granda daddy (my dad) now.  So sad and can feel the tears coming again thinking of it.  Its so bloody unfair.  Wully adored his boys and even if I did meet someone else - noone will love those boys like their daddy.  I know my dad is the next best thing as he adores the boys almost as much as Wully did and is very good with them (although they have him wrapped around their little fingers).  What if something happened to him?  Just makes me so angry. 

Of course I then started crying and Ewan cuddled me (he's 3!) and said don't cry mummy its going to be okay.  Its maybe because its Wully's birthday this week (and I am a bit hormonal lol) but just felt so down.  Went shopping later with my mum and Jamie (left Ewan with his granda daddy) and that was okay although you end up spending too much money because you think it cheers you up at the time.  Sorry to be a moan ladies :-(  just needed to let it out.

Can't wait for the meet and booked my babysitter (my mum!) today.  I love driving so looking forward to a long drive where I can listen to my music in peace without moaning kids lol.

You all have busy weekends so hope you all have fun.

Gayle xxx

Dear Gayle - it is so hard for us to come to terms with the loss of someone dear.........but our very little ones seem to see things a bit differently and often cope better than we grown ups do!!!!  Good for Ewan - giving you a cuddle and such a simple reassurance!!!!  You, as with all of us, have the right to moan/rant/rage/scream here or elsewhere (you're welcome on my 'carrying on' thread) when things get too much........ We need that release of emotion otherwise we become like a capped well and explode at the wrong time!!!!  So here's another (((((cuddle))))) from me. 

Love and more (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to comfort you

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ditto Dottee Gayle (say that after a few ciders!) it's what we are here for, to rant, rave and say things that we cant say or talk about elsewhere.  Bless Ewan, there will be a lot of Wully in him and only as he grows up will you see it but he will look after you.  It's not fair and it's not right but the real pig of it is we can't change it, only live with it and try to deal with it.

Ailsa have you never asked the parking angels to help you?  I know that sounds daft but they really do help you, I now always ask them when I'm on my way somewhere to find me a space, usually adding "and make it easy for me to get in and out of".  The first time I asked them I was on my way to pick up a prescription for Steve, totally stressed out and going to a pharmacy in town that I had never used before but knew it was in a built up residential area, so I asked them to help me and have a space that I could drive into and out of easily.  I got there at 1/4 to 5 in the evening and right in front of the pharmacy was my place waiting for me, drove into it and then drove out afterwards, simples!  Since then I have asked again going into Sainsburys, by the way you have to have faith that they will do it and be open to finding the space, twice I have driven through a very busy car park and right in front of me a car has reversed out and I can go in, once they even had an attendant direct me to a place!  Always remember to thank them afterwards though and I bet it makes you smile the first time it works for you.

Off to make coffee now, love and hugs to you all xxxxxx

Evening Everyone, Hope you are feeling a bit better now Gayle it is so hard i know. I have Derek's birthday Mon so will go to cemmy tomorrow as have to work all day on Mon and will be dark when i finish work, but he will be in my thoughts all day. Gayle what route will you take to go to Newcastle i am hopeless, will you come near Dumfries as we could maybe travel together and i could share petrol with you, i live 18 miles from Dumfries. I have been out seeing Charlie tonight his cold getting better now. Had text from Darren and he is phoning tomorrow so look forward to that. Hope everyone else doing ok tonight. Will look forward in hearing how Helen got on this afternoon. Well i better get off to bed speak soon. Luv and Hugs Fiona xxxxxxxx    

hello all

firstly hugs to gayle, it is so sad to think little ones growing up with so few memories of their dad, i am sure you will do your best to make sure he lives on in their hearts. xx

alisa thanks for info about trains will have to speak to manda and find out what time she has booked her connection in manchester then i will book too.

fiona thanks for your messages on fb, we are so blessed to have our little boys, i love him so much, cant pick him up just now though cos of arm but can feed him if rachel props him on a pillow for me. i should be helping her now not the other way round.

i am back at hospital tomorrow to have arm looked at again, maybe they will take the cast off with any luck, it only hurts now when itry to grasp or lift anything, it has stopped throbbing.

i'm glad you enjoyed your night out lynne and hope helen did too.

judi you are so funny, you sound like me with the driving, i am fine if i know where i am going but it took me about 4 years before i went on a big roundabout and like you no duels or m/ways! have not driven now for 2 weeks cos of snow and now cant drive cos of arm, i miss my independance.

parking angels, i must remember to try that rosemary i will let ypou know how i get on. could be some weeks though.

sorry about terrible punctuation, it is too much effort with left hand only, it is suprising how much my left arm aches, you dont realise howmuch you favour your right.

speak later lovely ladies and dave!  xx

wonder why more men dont post on here, must be strong silent types lol. xxx

Morning everyone

Gayle I ve got tears for you reading that xx Bug higs((())) Don t apologise it is good to let it out. Like Esme said unfortunately we cant change what s happened to make it all ok for everyone, which is the frustrating thing, we can only learn to deal with it.

Thinking of you all with birthdays coming up. I ve done most of them first time round now, where has the time gone?

I will be driving to Newcastle too, I don`t mind driving although I want to get a sat nav pretty soon.

Well I went to my friends for the psychic yesterday, we went to the pub for a quick one to calm our nerves and......he didn`t turn up!!!! Now I m not sure why, friend tried ringing him and I must admit she isnt the most organised so unless there s been a mix up in communication i dont know. May hear from to him to explain soon.We were both dissappointed but maybe it wasn t meant to be yesterday.

Anyway had a great night out at the 50th, few ciders and lots of dancing. A few noticed the gym is working lol!!! Ive actually lost a stone now since Paul died so want to try and keep it off. Easier said than done!!!

Lesley I m not sure why more fellas dont come on here, there was Kev and a couple of others that used to post. Kev actually got together with someone off this thread which was lovely. They kept it quiet for a bit which is understandable but we were all thrilled for them. Lynne worked it out though before they told us lol!!! Inspector Gadget there lol

The sun is shining a bit here and milder so might tidy garden a bit today

Helen xxxx

oh that is so romantic, kev must have been before i came on here. no sun here yet, just murky mist and fog, but better than snow and ice lol. xx

Morning /afternoon all , well done my taxi'ing bit and took the lads for there cars back , just cooking lunch for them all now so i might need my butt kicking to get on with it lol . Helen how dissapointing for you , i would have been gutted too , i went to see a medium a couple of months ago and she was brill , i;ll go back again in a few weeks . I too had a good night Helen and like you i get loads og "your looking well " so all i can think is , i must have looked really crap before lol . I too have lost a stone but most of that was what i put on whilst i was at home loking after Gordon and i was buying lots of treats for him to try and tempt him into eating more , so guess who usually ended up eating them . I'm still trying to lose loads more , not dieting as such just watching what i eat and i know joining a gym would help too lol . Lesley i hope you got your breakfast i had 3 ordered this morning , You Helen , and Elayne who is also a widow i talk to on face book , she's very young bless xx Gayle we've already spoke by text so i wont go over it again hun , just know we are all here for you xx Well , i've got to tell you about my dream last night , i dreamt it was our meet but we all met up on the train and as we got on one by one we all reconised each other , We we're all there even Sue and Connel (a few of you will know her from this site ) even tho there not coming on the meet and then the tallest woman walked in and none of us knew who she was , she has a fur coat on (mink ) and loads of jewellery , hair and make up was imaculate and we kept saying " who is she" and you know what it was ............. Dottee lol and she has said she's comeing either (but you can ) i was laughing to myself this morning thinking about the dream and then i remembered something else , and Helen you will kill me for this , you we're wearing a Celtic football kit , shorts aswell , sorry lol .. And then we took Gayles kids to the park . What a shame i had to wake up , it was a lovely dream and i cant wait to meet you all xxxxxx  Hope you all have good plans for today and Patricia , hope you got some sleep xxxxx