My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lynne my darling, all I can say is that I know exactly how you feel and it is so very draining and exhasuting - I would suggest that at the moment you have enough on your plate thinking and caring about your dad, and that is what is important right now.  I would certainly recommend writing a letter - even if you never send it.  I have composed e-mails and then saved them into drafts and gone back to them after a while to see if I would still word them the same way.  Also, if you are happy to, ask a good friend (not your own family) to read it and ask them to be honest about the way it reads. 

All I would say is that I find that if they have this 'unpleasant bee in their bonnet' it doesn't matter what you say and how you explain things they will still see black as white if they want to.  When it happens to me I take a deep breath and concentrate on exactly what Ed would have made of it all, and more importantly how he would want/expect me to respond if at all.  Because that is not necessarily the same as I know he may have responded.  He always told me that he had no choice but to continue to support and love them no matter how unreasonable they could be, but that he expected me to look after myself first, because he knew full well they would look after themselves first every time. 

You have my love and sympathies hun, and if the penguin posse get up I will be leading the way with a very strong taser gun!!

Love always Judi xx

Gorgeous pictures Sue, particularly liked the big red box !! haha.

Fiona - have you skyped with Darren yet?  Hope so and that he is slip, slap, slopping happily in Aus.

Judi xx

Thanks ladies for all your good advice i knew i could rely on you . I'll start drafting a letter tommorow , i will ask for help and i will get someone to read it through , i dont want to attack them but i also dont want them to keep walking all over me . I love the possee penguins lol xxxx

Aww Lynne, you are a lovely person and don't deserve to be attacked every tiome they feel like hitting out at someone.  Sorry your dad is so ill too hun. life can be so unfair at times can't t it?.

Fiona I hope you have heard from your son x x x

Sue your girls are bveautiful.

My girl arrived home 48 hours after she should have.  They ended up being transported from France to Turin a 3 hour coach journey, then herded onto a plane where the crew were very dishevelled as thy too had been stranded for 2 days. They had no inflight meal as there was npo time and no facilities to sort it out. They were flown into Manchester as all the other airports were closed and then bussed to Leeds/Bradford.  They arrived home at 7am this morning. It is her birthday today.  One to remember? or one to forget? She looks very unwell butr hopefully qafter a good nights sleep she will feel better tomorrow. 

Love and angel hugs to everyone x x x Patricia x x x

dear Patricia,

so glad the jennifer is home safely, despite her nightmare of a journey - at least she's safe and warm where she belomgs, and you can make sure she gets plenty of rest and TLC.

sue xx

Hello everyone.  I have only read as far back as my post this morning.  Before I read any further back I just want to say you are a lovely person Lynne so please don't think otherwise.  I agree with Sue's suggestion - write a letter.  I find a letter is often the best solution as you get a chance to write and re-write it until it say's what you mean - something you can't do in a conversation.  No-one gets to interrupt you until you have said what you wanted to say.  Rosemary is quite right as well - point out that you can't keep arguing about the funeral as what is done is done.  It sounds to me like their mum is behind this.  You are a lovely friend Lynne so never doubt that.  Lots of ((((((bug higs)))))) from me xx  Ailsa

Evening to you all,  Lynne hope your dad is coping ok at home and feeling a bit better, and i think the same as all the others you are a lovely lady and do not deserve what you are going through with your sd and yes a letter would be the best, keep your chin up.

I had a text from Darren in the early hours of this morning to say they had arrived safely but shattered, not  had him on skye yet but all set up and waiting.  Can't wait to see him and he is only been away a couple of days.

Patricia glad your daughter is home and hope she feels better soon, and happy birthday to her. Charlie still got cold the poor sole but hopefully he will get rid of it soon. I have had a friend in tonight for a coffee so that has passed the night for me. Well i will get off to bed now hope everyone else is doing ok tonight, speak soon.  Fiona xxxxxxxxx   

Hi again.  I think I have managed to catch up now.  I'm so glad you had the text from Darren Fiona - so thoughtful even when he is obviously shattered.

After reading that Jennifer was stranded Patricia I am glad to read she is home now.  You can celebrate her birthday when she has had a rest.

I have read back through some of the conversations about our feelings regarding moving from 2009 to 2010 and also the problems with appearing to be moving on generally.  I am sure someone else will have noticed this as well but I can be my own worst enemy.  I fret about doing Chris the injustice of not living my life fully now that he no longer can (it should not be wasted) but then feel I have to explain myself everytime I smile or have fun.  I have tried to do a few things I always wanted to do before but they didn't fit in with Chris's work - go to concerts and the theatre - but feel guilty and like I have to explain and excuse myself for doing those things.  I live in hope of this whole grief thing becoming more clear sooner or later.

Well done getting the sky candles off on the 8th Rosemary.  I am waiting for somemore to be delivered as we have used all my first lot up.

Well I really should get off to bed as it is getting late.  Hope you managed okay at work today helen.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Morning Everyone,
Lynne so sorry to hear that your dad isnt to well, hope that he feels better soon, and I would have loved to have had a step mum like you, you are such a lovely lady.
Fiona pleased that Darren has arrived safely, hope that you manage to skype with him soon.
Patricia so pleased that your daughter has finally made it  home and safe as well, hope that she is feeling better today after a good nights sleep.
My love and (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) for you all.
Quill xxxxxxxxx

Hello Everyone

At home today with Hayley, she's still poorly - took her to the GP last night and they said she has a long lasting gastroeteritis bug and pityriasis rosea, and that the stress of the last few months is taking it's toll on her immune system. She has exams this week and is determined to go in for them, she did her AS maths yesterday but there are none today so I think that home is the best place for her...

Ailsa, your confused feelings about 'carryon on' make total sense to me. xx Miles tried so hard to hang on to his life, and lived it so well while he was here... His letter for his funeral urged us all to make the most of everyday (it's on the notes page of my FB profile if you feel like reading it) so I feel like I let him down by not trying, but then if I do try, I feel like certain people are judging me, or that it's not fair that we still get to do things and he doesn't. Like you, I hope that the whole thing gets clearer in time, at the moment I feel like I'm wrong whatever I do!

Lovely Lynne, what a croc! Hope you are feeling better about things today and that writing your letter has helped. You know where I am if you need me... xx I can't understand how people can be so cruel. My in-laws were shocking when Miles was ill and straight after he died, but as time has gone by we have all calmed down a bit and I have to say that my SIL is the only reason (except for you guys here) that I have managed to keep my sanity. You are right though, your love for Gordon will get you through this. xx

Fiona I'm glad to hear that Darren made his journey safely and that he has been in touch... and I hope that Charlie is soon better. And Patricia, what an ordeal for Jennifer! So glad she is home safe though, it sounds like she needs some of Mum's special TLC to me... xx

Sue - where do you find all the images from! Your girls are beautiful and the photo's are really lovely.xx

Judi, Helen, Gayle, Lesley, Dave and anyone I have missed (sorry) hope you are all OK and that the snow is causing you less problems now! I downloaded our disney photos off the camera last night, and I had forgotten just how frozen evrything was - I'd post a couple but I don't know how too. Could do with a lesson off Sue!

Love and hugs to you all... Manda xx