My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning ladies and Dave,
Just dropping by to leave you all lots of love and (((((((((bug higs))))))))))
Quill xxxxxx

Slice of cake, anyone???

ok,so it didn't work.

               a small one, then

           Helen                                                          Alice

Wonder if this has worked.

Evening all , the pictures are lovely Sue , and yes i'll have some cake too please with coffee xx Hope you've heard from  Darren now Fiona , i know we can only offer morale support to you and i wish it was more xx Sorry i've not been on again , i ha dthe day from hell yesterday , just when you cant think things cant get any worse they usually do , i've stopped saying out now . I was just about coping with seeing dad in so much pain again , hopefully what they have done to him works and it will be all worth it . I was out with my family yeasterday lunch for Beths birthday when i got a text from Gordons daughter attacking something i'd done (i#ll not go into details yet ) i answered her but then i giot a phone call from the other one saying she didn't agree with the other 1 texting me and she wasn't phoning to have a go and the she did just that , to say i feel like a verbal punch bag is a understatment , she acused me of not consultaing them on the funeral (i did several times ) she said they had no say in the head stone (one actually went throught brochusrs with me and picked it , also pursuaded me not to have the kerbs ) said it wasn't just about me  and did they know what it was like for them to lose there dad , i did say had she forgotten i'd lost my mum too , and i've always said to them how bad it was for them to lose such a good dad who they we're very close too and i didn't know how they we're coping . There was a lot of other things said , (mainly by her ) but i thought i had consulted them all the way , i#d read the words out on the phone but when i started crying they told me to stop and said what ever i decided it was ok , so now why are they attacking me like this . So do i just keep letting them every few months , when they are hurtin they decide i should get it .My kids we're livid and as much as they love there step sisters they wanted too phone them back and tell them a few things and to leave me alone , i wouldn't let them Gordon wouldn't want all this , so do i just let it go again . why now . Sorry it always seem lile its me thats moaning , i dont want too really xxxxxx

Oh, lynne

My heart goes out to you.

You've just been through a really bad patch, and your dad's ill, and you can really do without all the c*** from your stepdaughters. No-one knows more than you how much it hurts, and you are sucha lovely lady, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS!!!!!!

I can see just why your own children want to get involved; they don't want to stand by and see their beloved mum get hurt any more. Do you think that your SD's mum has been winding them up again? It's hard to ignore such verbal abuse, but i'm not sure what else to suggest. Could you try writing to them and putting your points down to answer their accusations?

~i think the best thing we might be able to do is to send the penguin posse after them1

love and hugs

sue xx

Yes Sue ,ive thought about writing to one of them , i was talking to my boss at work today and she know every thing i've done for them and she was livid too , i asked her to be honest with me and tell me if i'd done anything wrong , she said i hadn't and she told me to rise above it too and not to contact them for a few days , she doesn't want to see me hurt any more . I think i've managed to persuade the kids to keep out of it , and i wont do anything for a few days , but i cant have this for the rest of my life , evertime something upsets them they bring the funeral up and yes Sue it probably is ther mother , she couldn't stand the fact that they stillcame to stay with me . Well cant see that happening again so she has her way now . But i will try and not let it upset me to much , it nearly finished me of last time xxxxx

Oh Lynne why do people have to be so mean?  Big hugs to you.  I think the idea of writing to them would be good, that way you have the chance to say everything without being upset or getting interrupted by them.  Maybe put out a plea to the guardian angels and ask Gordon's help in writing the letter - I know it sounds silly but it can really help even if it only focuses your mind.  After that you will have to be firm and refuse to enter into any further conversations about the funeral, after all it's done now and can't be changed so they have to live with whatever they think happened and in time (if not already in their hearts) they will know the truth of it. 

Hugs to all, just off to bed early tonight but popped in to check on my dear penguins xxxxxx

PS Beautiful girls Sue! xxx

Huge Bug Higs Lynne.  You are a wonderful person and I can't believe what they say is true anyway without you having to ask your boss to backup what you thought.  You are just not that type of person.  They are hurting and taking it out on you which is extremely selfish and unfair.  I would say the same in that you should ignore them for awhile.  Very hard I know when you are so hurt but let them come back to you after they have had a chance to think about what they have done.  Thinking of you.

Gayle xxx