My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone,

Well I am stuck in the snow!  Lynne - I didn't get any further lol.  I left work at 4 to make the journey home which should take a maximum of 1.5hrs and it took me 3 hours to get halfway.  I stopped in Glasgow to pick up the xmas dinner from M&S then set off again but the main road to the west is closed!  I just had to turn back and I am now in a premier inn near Glasgow Airport.  I am quite a confident driver and it was so scary so glad I can't go any further as didn't fancy getting abandoned on a country road.  I had a funny moment as I phoned my sister and she was worried about the turkey being out in the car.  I was like well its hardly going to bloody defrost!!!!  What an idiot lol.

Amanda - you were definitely not being oversensitive.  I couldn't go back to where Wully's funeral was and when I went to the hospice recently it really set me back.  I think part of it could be that people don't understand until they are in that situation.

I hope everyone else is well and I hope Boy makes it home safely Judi.

Gayle xx

Ah sorry you didn't make it home Gayle , i've just been watching Scotland on the news , i think i escaped at the right time lol . Hope it lets up and you get home tommorow but i think there is more to come . Have you finished at work now ? .

Lynnexxxx

Hi everyone.  Not sure I was going to post tonight as I seem to have picked up a cold and I am not concentrating very well.  I don't think it helps that I am so tired.  Tomorrow is my last day at work until Tuesday so what the hell - I'm sure I will be fine.  I just took a shot of a strangely coloured liquid which I hope helps me to sleep.

Gayle I am really glad to hear you are safe in a premier inn.  Like you I am a confident driver and so far have not done any sliding.  I still don't like taking unnecessary risks though and I also worry about my children being on the roads as they are far less experienced drivers.  Stu should be just about home from his final shift until the 26th but Becky is supposed to be travelling up here from Bracknell after work on Christmas Eve.  She only got home at 9:30 this morning from work yesterday!!.  She had to leave her car at owrk and catch a train then couldn't get a taxi home so had to walk.  She walked to the child minders for Declan but as it was nearly 10pm last night the child minder let them both stay there last night.  She got back to work to collect her car this afternoon but I think she is going to see if they will let her set off tomorrow instead of Thursday to get ot me, so long as she promises to log on and work from here when she gets here.  Like you & Boy Judi, I just want her here and safe.

Manda I want to add my support to the others - you are not being over-sensitive.  I was shocked when I read that your friends had invited you to join them in the self same place you had Miles's wake only 8 weeks ago.  However you need your friends and they really have no idea what you are going through.  Don't let it spoil your friendship.  You have done the best thing by telling them what the problem is.  Hopefully they will think about the venue next time.  Chris's brother held his 60th birthday party in the same place as we had Chris's wake.  Fortunately it clashed with my sisters wedding as I really am not ready to go back there just yet & it has been an awful lot longer since Chris's wake than Miles's.  Make sure your friend arrange a get together somewhere else very soon.

Sorry - I am going to have to go for tonight.  I will do a better job of catching up tomorrow I promise.  Ailsa xx

Hi all, just sending you all lots of special hugs to help you through the next few days. Sorry I have been so hit and miss lately. I do read the posts when I come on but sometimes just lately don't seem to have the right words.

Should be wrapping parcels but really have no interest and would like to hibernate for the next couple of weeks. My poor sister has an extra present for her fella this year because she bought one for Ray and of course he can't have it can he. I feel for her because she literally 'grew up' in his company and he was more like a brother than a brother in law to her. She tries so hard to keep brave for my sake. My elder sister rang me earlier but I had to end the call forma few minutes to compose myself as I got upset whilst telling her something. Just WHEN does it all start to feel a little less raw???

I hope everyone reaches their destinations in time for the festivities (that includes family coming to visit ..  my son included).

Peace on earth, goodwill to all men(and women and penguins).

Love to you all x x x Patricia x x x

evening, all.

Just got in from a fab evening.

Alan and I have always been into amateur dramatics, and alice has been involved in different ways for the last 10 years. He always wanted  to set up a local group for people who had out grown the Youth Theatre group, but who were not quite ready for the full-on adult drama groups in the area, and who didn't necessarily want to take part in full length plays or musicals.

after he died, alice and a small bunch of like-minded people set up their own group in his memory, calling it 'your call'. tonight was their second showcase, and it was brill - singing, dancing, sketches and monologues.  he would have been so very proud, especially of his babe, as she was the driivng force behind it all  and has worked incredibly hard to make it a success.

soorry - proud mummy moment!

Oh, Gayle, i so hope you get home safely tomorrow, and that everyone manages to unite with their families in time for Christmas; after all, that's what it's all about.

Love and bug higs to all

Sue xx

Glad the show went well Sue. what a lovely tribute to Alan. Keep the 'proud mummy' moments coming. they make you feel good.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Am still up having had a delightful walk round the block with the mutts, Joey LOVES snow and bounces along like Tigger on a long lead (never an extending one, you can just picture a five stone dog that can reach over twenty miles an hour in about three strides launching even me off my feet!) but my elegant Kat just doesn't understand why, after she has delicately squatted in the gutter to do a pee, we would possibly need to take another step apart from homewards.  So if you can picture the scene, one elegant hound standing still  (i.e immovable) wanting to go home behind me and one bounding daft one in front, with me in the middle looking like I am doing jumping jacks with arms outstreched in either direction!

It is 12.30 and Step-daughter is having a Sex in the City moment.  She is off on the nine o'clock train to Edinburgh (she is convinced there won't be a problem) and she will be there for four nights, so you would think that ELEVEN pairs of shoes/boots/sandals (don't ask) the average heel height being well over four inches, was enough - but no apparently she may need one of the other FIVE pairs that she has brought over with her.  So I am upstairs and leaving her to it!!

Gayle, just you raid that minibar chum - and go mad with the room service! Just get home safely ok. And to everyone else that is travelling or waiting for loved ones to arrive - sending cyber hugs, Hig bugs and penguin flippers to you.  Patricia, your sisters sound lovely, I am so happy that you have them round you at this time, let them comfort you, weep with you and remind you why Ray was so very special hun.

Sue, you get a special mention tonight, cos I am so pleased and chuffed and delighted that your evening went so well.  Way to go Alice, and way to go Alan for being the inspiration.

Well, I can hear tutting from downstairs - I had better go and helpp decide exactly which pair of heels really goes best with the silver lame mini dress!!

Night all, Judi xx

I`m sorry I haven`t read any posts, just escaped for a few mins. Liam`s 18th, he`s had a ovely day and I don`t want to spoil it but Pogues have just been on and I`m in the front room in tears!! Need to let  it out before I go back in, Miss Paul loads but glad Liams` had a great 18th. Speak tomorrow cxxx

Helen xxx

Helen hun, that just proves what a star you are!  SO glad Liam has enjoyed his birthday.

Judi xx

Good evening everyone.  How are you all tonight?  I hope you are home safe and sound Gayle.  Sue - I love your proud mummy moment.  It sounds like the drama group and your daughter did a grand job.

Patricia even though it is very hard it must be a comfort having sisters who miss Ray as much as you do.  My sisters are lovely but not quite in that way.  My youngest sister did point out to me before Chris died that as he had been around since she was only 6 she really couldn't remember him not being there and as he was a bigger personality than my 2 brothers he had had a huge influence on her life and she thought of him as a brother rather than an 'in-law'.  I am so glad you have your sisters and you are all close.

Judi - I had a strange picture of you in my head being pulled 2 ways by your dogs in the middle of the night in the snow.  Hope the shoes were sorted.

Helen I am really pleased for you that Liam had such a lovely 18th - Paul would have been very proud and you should be too.

Becky will not be getting here until tomorrow evening now.  I am very disappointed as I had sort of built my hopes up for seeing her sooner.  The weather has improved a bit in Reading so she doesn't feel like she can justify asking to leave too early.  Still, she will be here tomorrow evening and then the fun can start.  I can't wait for my grandson to be here!

How are things in Cornwall Rosemary?  I know you are having problems with the phone signal but are you managing to get on the PC okay?

I saw some more photos of Charlie on facebook Fiona - he's doing well.

Is there any sign of you being a grandma yet Lesley?

Lynne, Manda, I hope you got through your day safely today.  How are you others doing as well - Dave, Bren, Dot, Quill - I hope you are all okay this evening.  Looks like my mum & dad are on their way round so I should get off.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx