My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lynne - you did it again - I have another fit of giggles now!!

Rosemary I will send you my mobile number in a pm as I would love to hear from you by text or otherwise.  I really was very lonely at the weekend.  I am glad the cottage is so lovely after such a nightmare journey.  Have a wonderful time.

Ailsa xx

Well spotted Lynne - but how quickly did we get to 3012??!!

Oh, Lynne!

    What a day - and a flat battery on top of it all!

I know just what you mean - no-one to share it with, moan with or have a laugh with.  Penguins will just have to do.

i'm really glad i went to the chemo unit today; it was emotionally exhausting, but worth while. We had over 300 DVDs, and no duplicates! ~Amazing! Lovely to see the staff again, and to know they haven't forgotten my lovely man.

Rosemary, it sounds idyllic!  Do you actually know where you are???? Sounds like one of those spots that's  miles from anywhere, let's hope the snow doesn't get that far!

I have concluded that wrapping presents with the aid of kittens is not productive. Hmmmmmm..

Think I'll stop.

Sue xx

Dear Ailsa,

Thanks for your kind words.

I actually went back into the ward 3 days after Alan died, to thank them for everything they had done. ~I also had an appointment with his consultant, again on the ward, 6 weeks after he died to have a chat with her and to give her a cheque for £1500 which was raised by donations at  Alan's service -- they'll be banning me beffore long!!!

sue xx

Dear Ailsa , well if it made you have a fit of giggles then i'm happy . i just want to say i dont go looking for trouble it just seems to find me . Hug for Sue ((((hug)))))

Hi everyone,

Well you have been busy posting lol.  Lynne, poor you in the snow - I did try not to giggle at you falling but it did sound funny.  Thank you for the messages they have been a big support.

Dave, my heart goes to you as you are having a bad time.  My only advise is keep busy.  That is the only thing that helps me when I am low.  I can totally understand about the kids.  My eldest who is 5 talks about his dad sometimes but they have moved on as they are so little and I am struggling at the moment with them.  My mum and dad help a lot and if I ask they are over and taking them off my hands at the drop of a hat.  I couldn't survive without them.  I still haven't wrapped their presents and can't face it so will probably get my sister to do it on Christmas Eve. 

I had to visit Wully's sister with presents today which was quite hard.  She was a bit upset and so was I and at the moment I am being like a ostrich and burying my head and not wanting to think about anything.  Wully used to always laugh at me as whenever anything bothers me he always called me an ostrich.

Esme - Cornwall sounds amazing.  I hope you get some quality peaceful time away from everything. 

Fiona, Judi, Sue, Ailsa, Lesley - big hugs.  Lynne said something to me that struck a chord that we are all friends for life and I really believe that.  I couldn't survive without you all and looking forward to our meet - maybe we will make it an annual one lol!

Take care everyone and loving the penquin things.  I sleep with a happy feet penguin that I got free with Ready Brek and you put it in the microwave to heat it up.  It smells all lovely and is nice and cosy.

Gayle x

Hi Gayle , wow the penguin sounds fab , i want one of those too . Its ok to laugh , it was funny i didn't hurt myself , plenty of padding on my rear end lol . So glad my messages have helped . I'm sure yousister will help you out with the pressies . I was talking to my sister at the weekend and i said ,"i dont know whats a matter i cant get my head round choosing presents"    She said "really Lynne you dont know whats a matter with you " so isaid i should be able to choose a few presents and she burst into tears , she said she feels for me everysingle second of the day and i should give myself a break and stop expecting so much from myself , Bless what would i do without her xx

If you want to text me i'll leave my number in your inbox , Gayle , i'd love everybodies number , feel free to leave numbers i'm the world champion texter and have plenty of texrts to go round lol . take care

Lynne xxxx

good night everyone from a very tired penguin xx

sorry - previous pic cut me off in my prime!!

Well am off to bed.  Had an evening with an unhappy bunny of a step-daughter because her boyfriend has also come back from Dubai for Christmas and she is going down to Edinburgh to spend Christmas with his family and he has arranged to go out with the boys one evening.  In fact I agree with her, but I had to hide a wee smile when she 'went off on one' about how selfish and thoughtless he was and he shouldn't make arrangments and then not think of other people......... so did I take a deep breath and take the opportunity to explain that sometimes she did the same .... well I almost started to but just knew it was not the right time, so no I didn't, I just gave her a hug!  LOL

Snowed again, I don't mind it apart from the fact I am the biggest woossie when it comes to driving in these conditions.  I find it quite amusing that people think it is ridiculous for me to say "I am neither confident nor experienced so do not wish to drive"  Why is it that this is a bad thing??? I could understand if I was overconfident!!

Tomorrow I am off in search of penguin wrapping paper, or tags at the very least!

Rosemary, so glad that you are safely - hats off to you.  Lynne my darling what are you like!!.  Gayle and Dave - brave hugs to you two - I know I am so lucky to have Boy, who as you all know is the most amazing, funny, support to me.  You two are doing SO well this Christmas looking after the 'little ones'.  Ailsa, I have also looked through sympathy cards to get an address - and as Dave says - sometimes maybe we need to do these kind of things just to get the stored up tears out so that we can pick ourselves up and start again and make some space for the next lot to build up.  Helen I hope that Liam has had a good birthday with the family being there.  Love to Patrica, Fiona, Lesley, Manda, Bren, Dot, eveyone else and sleepy penguin Sue.

Night all - Judi xx