My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Judi -- do as the other say and try not to take it too much to heart.  I still can't decide sometimes when I am being over sensitive - I phoned Chris's brother in the week to see if anyone was going to lincolnshire to take xmas pressies to Chris's mum & sister.  Someone is usually going.  Chris didn't really get his mum so he avoided visiting her like the plague.  His brother told me that 2 of them had gone down the previous day.  No-one seems to understand why I am upset and feel slighted but why didn't someone think to ring me and see if I had anything to go?  They have been my in-laws for 32 years.  Friends have said that maybe they thought I wouldn't bother - why?  If I have bothered for the past 32 years, why would I stop now just because Chris has died?  Anyway rant over - I am sure some of you at least will know what I mean and I think Chris's brother felt bad judging by the tone of his voice.  The pressies I had bought wouldn't post well so I had to go on the internet and order Xmas flowers to be delivered instead.

Bren I hope your tummy is getting better.  You are doing well getting the car ready for the journey.  I am up there with Lesley on 'man' work.  Chris and I were not a very modern couple - there were man jobs and women's jobs in our house and as long as we both pulled our weight in our own way we were happy.  I can, however, pop my bonnet and top up the windscreen washer and the oil and water.  I don't do punctures - that is for the the breakdown man (man jobs).

Sue I bet your tree is lovely - until the kittens see it!!!!  Good luck with the delivery of DVDs to the chemo ward tomorrow.

I am off to bed early tonight to watch a bit of TV.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Set an extra place at that table girls. I am on my way to join the 'Chinese take away' party. Judi, so sorry hun that the young lady was so thoughtless. I am sure it was an oversight. The young do tend to do this sort of thing don't they.

I am sitting here surrounded by goodies and have no idea who they are for. Oops. I better get my thinking cap on. I seem to have just bought lots of random stuff on my many jaunts to the shops. Ah well. I have been putting batteries into the spa lights I bought. Someone is gonna have fun lol. (no not me).

Anyway, lots of (((((hugs))))) to you all. Hang on in there. we will all get through his festive season hopefully without too much trauma.

Well guess I better head off and wrap up some of this treasure.

Love and angel hugs from a very weary penguin x x x Patricia x x x

Ailsa, it seems that in laws have a knack of putting their foot in it doesn't it? I know that mine would be shocked to hear that I feel abandoned by them. It appears that telephones only work from my house to make calls and not to receive them. Other people call make calls to my phone though. Strange that.

Hopefully they will have been given a reality check when you called them.

I don't have the same problems with the car stuff as you and lesley, because I was always the one to do all the checks.

Enjoy your viewing ailsa.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Thank you my fellow penguins - normal service has been resumed!  Didn't have a Chinese, don't really like ordering a single meal!  So had carrot sticks, cucumber and humous, tzadziki and a very nice butternut and chilli dip from M&S! Sounds very healthy (until I confess to the large bag of Kettle chips and the two large G&Ts that went with it!!

Have to say though, the fact I am now fine and laughing at myself is because I was able to come here and 'let it out' to those that understand.

Okay then, we really have started something here.  I was flicking through my tv guide for next week and Happy Feet (animated penguin film is on either Christmas Eve or Day and The March of the Penguins on Boxing Day!!!!!! Need I say more.

Tomorrow will be less self indulgent and reply to everyone, cos I love reading how we are all doing in our huddle.

PS - Patricia I am SO glad that someone else has bought the gift without thinking of who they are for!

Kisses for all (yes Dave, I think that includes you!)  Judi xx

Aw Judi, I would have popped round for Chinese food, love it! Although the carrot sticks etc sounds good too, especially G&T, my absoloute fav' tipple. Only discovered it last year, firm fav' now though.

It does not take much in our state to take things to heart, like you said she probably just did not think. I must admit I was a sensitive kind of person before and would easily read into the most innocent comment, this has just heightened those feelings. It can be a visious circle, I am fairly quiet and shy at the best of times and when I percieve I have been slighted I tend to just withdraw even further which of course does not help.

Think I might have a lazy day today, have got  a nice joint of gammon, think I will make boiled bacon and parsley sauce for dinner. Sit in front of fire and knit, smelling nice cooking smells, hopefully, lol. The snow is still pretty bad so no point trying to move car yet.

Hope you all have a good day, for all of you ladies in Scotland, take care in the snow, it seems bad up your way just now.  xxx brrrrr Lesley

Morning everyone xx

Snowy morning here again.

Ailsa so sorry to hear aboyt your in laws, people are odd aren`t they? I`m sure they realise their error now.

Judi you too, bug higs. Glad you felt better after your time and chat on here. Think all our emotions are at an all time peak at the moment. I know mine are, panicking now about this week although I`ve got my brother and family coming today. Liam`s 18th tomorrow and that is turning into a bit of party, there are 10 of us going for a meal tomorrow night then friends coming back here for a few drinks.Just wishing Paul was here for it all but obviously asking the impossible. Oh no, tears again, thought I was doing well but it`s really hit this week.

Anyway I am feeling positive about the New Year, got to be better for us all xxx

I might not get on much this week with having a house full but will try and pop on. Looking forward to 7pm on Xmas Day. Have been advised to ring coastguards to warn them as we are near the coast and they have had a few false alarms with the Sky candles going up.

Love to all, hope we`re all getting through ok

Helen xxx

Helen, ((((((((((((((((Big Gentle Hugs))))))))))))))))))) just fo you. It is a very emotional time for you with so many special things happening. I know Paul is not there physically but I feel certain he will be with you throughout (if only in spirit).

Take care and remember the 'huddle' of penguins ready and willing to help you htrough.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Lesley I am strapping on my skis as we speak and am on my way, gammon and parsley sauce, my favourite ....... are we having mash potatoes too ... delicious.  Shall I pick you up on the way Patricia?

Helen, hope that Liam's birthday goes well and the family round you starts a good few days for you hun.  Re the sky candles, I had seen that about coastguards too, and apparently a five mile distance from airports is good.  We don't want to end up diverting flights to Barcelona now do we!!

Speak to everyone later.  Love Judi xx

Hi all

I seem to be having a bad day .Ive bee so busy with kids ,work gym etc.I havent had achance to stop and think.

Well its hit me like aton of bricks today.Maybe part of its self inflicted ive been playing Nics favourite music and stuff

My mil said she would be around for the next two weeks "to help with the kids",then in the next breath said,but im off to London for 4 days and i wont be here boxing day or new years eve.She seem to say things to make her feel better but theres no substance to whats been said.

Anyway at lesst my mums been great,but shes off to my sisters as i said i didnt know wat im doing.

So its me and the kids for awhile.I know at the end of the day i can only rely on myself.But it would be nice to think i could get help from the inlaws,but this seems to be common thing reading all of your posts,so i shoulnt be surprised

Anyway my mood has picked up just by writing this.

I hope xmas is being kind to you all.

Thanks Dave

Thanks for the hugs ladies. Family are due any time now. I will remember the penguins if I need to jump in the middle at anytime.

Dave hope you`re feeling better now and I`m sure the boys will keep you going over the next few days. Sending you bug higs (((((()))))) and indeed everyone else, love and thoughts with you all and thanking you all for keeping me sane these last few months. We`ve had some ups and downs together but we`re all doing ok, well most of the time!! Enjoy what you can and if all else fails get the bottle out lol!!!xxx

Cheers!!!

Helen xxx