My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Everyone, Well i am housed today as well snowing here and i don't like taken the car out. Like you Ailsa i feel a bit isolated and my phone not went much today. I have just done some housework. Well xmas is nearly here again last year was just a blur to me and this year i just wish it was all passed. Hope snow away by morning as i need to finish my xmas shopping. Just work Tues and Wed this week so not so bad. Well i am away to make a coffee and have a wee biscuit no wonder getting heavier by the day. Speak later Fiona xxxx

Hi everyone

I am glad to see you are all coping with this season the best way you can.  I have been trying to ignore it but that is difficult.  I have finished two weeks at work and am now off for two.  I am glad I did go back before the new year but found it very tiring, also comforting as I am lucky to have such supportive coworkers, lots of hugs there.  I am off tomorrow to visit family, will arrive on Tuesday as I am not pushing myself to make that long drive alone too quickly.  So the dog and I will be on the road tomorrow.  Looks like good driving weather.  I find this weekend I am a little more positive, maybe because I have been busy.  A friend came over for the morning yesterday, I spent the afternoon running around getting things for the trip and last night I went to visit a neighbour.  Today is the first time in four months that I have mentally wanted to clean the house but I have tummy trouble and am not feeling well at all, so will get what I can done and then take a nap.

Tonight there is a service for bereaved families which I am going to with a friend.  I think it will be nice, probably very emotional but I hope it is helpful.  I know that when I get to my mother-in-laws it will be very difficult for her to see just me and no Dan.  Hopefully we can be supports for each other.  I do want to visit with all his family and what is left of mine, just an aunt and several cousins but will not do the Christmas dinner with the entire family, I find that crowds of people are too much for me to handle right now. 

I am trying to remember all the things I have to do which Danny used to do before a trip, like gas up the car, put windshield washer in, etc.  I am finding it hard to do all those extra things alone.  I expect there will be a lot of tears on the road and during the next week or so but am trying to just get through each day and trying to push myself to get out and do things, it takes a lot of effort some days.

I hope all of you get through the next couple of weeks the best you can and hope you find some peace during this very emotional time.

Bren

Evening all . Well i've been running around like a maniac all day(nothing new i hear you say) , i've got lots done (no cards just calendars) wrapped up what i' ve got , and done some cleaning . I've been to the cemmy twice , all the flowers we're frozen in the pots so bought them home and had to thaw them out before i could throw the flowers  away . I've put a lot of "fakes " in now and just have a couple of real ones but with all the wreathes i looks lovely , the snow looks better than the mud lol . Bren glad your feeling a little more positve now and well done on the drive , how many miles is it ? I chickened out of a 6 hour drive and took the train much less stressfull . We'vegot lots of snow here now , i'm not looking forward to the morning , i'm on at 7 oclock so i hope the roads are a little better .

Sat with feet up now , ah xxxxxxxx

Ps glad i've made you all smile , when i realised the door was stuck my first thought was , the girls will love this lol and yes Esme my heart was beating a little quicker for a while lol xxxxx

Looking forward to meeting you and your pooch on Tuesday, Bren. Safe drive to you (and to everyone travelling).

Warm & Gentle hugs to all.

Mo

done it.

I have a tree, up and decorated.

Tinsel - free zone this year - can't stand the stuff.

Need to wrap presents tonight.

Off to chemo ward tomorrow with all the DVDs - thank you for your support, we have 8 big boxes full, plus some books, some money and a DVD player.

kittens haven't spotted tree yet - dogs are unimpressed; been here, seen it all before.  Will bring kittens in later to see what happens!

sue x

A snowy good evening to all you penguins out there!

Well here at the foot of the pennines we have lots and lots of snow! It all looks very pretty and Christmasy and usually I would be loving it because I usually love Christmas and all that goes with it. But I hate being stuck at home with no-one to talk to, no-one is taking their cars out and like someone else said my phone has been very quiet, it gets very lonely, also am worried about Rachel going into labour when the roads are so bad.

Had a walk round to her house for dinner today, the snow came over the top of my hiking boots but at least it was not slippy.

Having said the phone is quiet, sil just phoned to ask where he could by a certain item for Rachel for Christmas, just informed him he can't buy it locally, he will have to go into Manchester, great because the car is stuck in the garage! Men, if he had told me last week I could have got it for him while I was in Manchester. So now he is sat at home trying to think of an alternative pressie!

Good luck Bren with your travels, it amazes me how much I took Colin for granted, like you were saying about all those little jobs with the car etc, I don't actually know how to open my bonnett! I cried the other day because I bruised my knuckle taking the bin out for collection, how pathetic is that. It was one of the many taks that he always did, he would not let me do those jobs, men's jobs, like bringing the coal in etc. He was such a gentleman, opening doors,carrying bags etc. I loved him for it, It is not that I can't do those things but I loved the feeling of being protected and loved.

Ah well, good night all, keep warm. xx Lesley

Well done on the treeSue , ha ha i'm sure the kittens will love it xx.Hope it goes well tommorow at the chemo ward ,i'm sure they'll be very gratefull xxxxx

Just here wiping a tiny tear.  My step-daughter is here and she is lovely but can be a 'bitty thoughtless' - not in a nasty selfish way, just a very independent young lady who tends to do what she wants to without always thinking of others - I have had a chat with Patricia about her before.

She stayed at a friends last night and came home this morning and it has been a lazy sort of day, I went shopping for a while, you know the kind of thing.  She had asked if we could get a Chinese tonight and watch DVDs etc.  She went round to see her two nephews at five o'clock and has just come back in, I was about to phone in an order but it seems she had tea with them, a tiny silly thing really, but if her Dad was still here I think she would have remembered - or at least he would have given her a mock raging for being so inconsiderate!  Anyway, nothing important at all,

'Tis the season to be teary ... fa la la la la la la la'

Love to all Judi xxx

Doesn't take much , judes, does it!

    for you!!

Sue xx

Ah Judi , huddle up ,i'll share your chinese hun ,i know what you mean tho , dont take it to heart to much , you say she can be thought less . ((((((((((hugs )))))))))))00