My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi All thanks for your messages of support  i got through to the complaints line and briefly explained everyrhing , i didn't want to say to much to soon as i dont want to lose site of the real complaint , the time its taking but i did mention Marie from last week who failed to update the phone records and i am still waiting for her return phone call . They now have 5 days to get back to me to tell me how they are going to resolve this complaint , so i wait with bated breath .

Its been a very very hard day  , i went to the first aid course and i was full of optimism that there wouldn't be a problem , thanks to my coaching from Patricia , and i was fine at first , i got through the intoduction without giving to much away but halfway through the morning the instructor started talking about pain , she then went on to describe in great detail about a friend of hers who had died in the hospice , and i mean describe everything , well it got to much and i had to go out , i was shaking like i've never shook before , my whole body was shaking , its a good job the place was full of first aiders , they managed to get my breathing back to normal and i calmed down . I dont know why i had such a reaction , but now i'm worried i,m not ready for all this . I know Gordon would say come on you can do it , but if he was here i could do it . I didn't take anything in the rest of the day , and ive got another 2 days yet before the assesment .Everything the instructor said bought everything back to me , the hospital , the pain , everything , i feel i've been put back months , but i told my boss i was ready . i should have done the course in June so i didn't want to fall any further behind , Life feels crap (sorry) i want to be ok .

Lyyne xxxxxxxxxx

Oh Lynne, I am so sorry. I wish I could say something to make things better. People just do not think do they and what on earth did long term pain have to do with first aid for goodness sake? I did not envisage that one.  Sorry hun.

Keep posting on here and hopefully we will get you back on the right track. 

I am wracking my brains trying to think of some way to help you but not come up with anything yet.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Judi, papering done but no matching needed as it is a very plain vertical stipe so just needed to be cut to size and put up. Tomorrow will be emulsion day  lol x x Patricia x x

Thanks Patricia , i'm coming round a bit now , think she was using personal experiencea all the time , but she went into too much detail . Tommorow is another day xxxxx

Lynne, did you have to fess up about your circumstances??  It must have been so traumatic for you.  Well done on continuing though.  Good luck tomorrow. x x patricia x x

Lynne - my poor hun.  Huge hugs for you, how you got through that I don't know.  The only thing I would say to you is that you should not for one moment question why you got so upset.  Every one of us completely understands why you did.   I know that I try to stay away from thinking too hard about those times, because it is so hurts so much - so don't expect too much from yourself.  You stayed the rest of the day - that in itself is a miracle.  Think about how amazing and strong you have been for all of us, and take heart from that.  You are a wonderful person - and truth be told, it shook you so hard because you care so much.  And none of us would have you any other way.

Love to you - Judi xxxxx

Oh, Lynne

Sue xx

Hi Patricia , i only told the people who we're looking after me whilst i was freaking out , other wise i wouldn't have had to say anything , i'm not sure if any of the other "students " realised why i walked out , they probably wouldn't have even noticed but as usual i couldn't even walk out the room quietly, i was pushing the door instead of pulling it , its lucky the door is still there really . Thanks Judi for the lovely words , yes your right it is because i care so much , i thought i had done so well up to then , i did everything Patricia taught me to avoid the questions i didn't want to answer , now i just think everybody will just think i'm the mad woman who tried to get out the door whilst it was still closed . oh well i supose there not far wrong  I am feeling better , its amazing what a few kind words from people who understand means to us ..

Lynnexxx

Thanks Sue lovely picture as usual xxxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone how are you all? Sorry I haven't been on here for a while but I don't seem to find the time for some reason (poor excuse).

Kev xx