My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 15 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Everyone,
Well not been so bad today just kept busy all day, I am getting a new carpet in my bedroom tomorrow so alas again i needed my son to help me i am sure he doen't mind but i just hate asking him to always help. Went to cemetary with flowers for Derek and my mum had my usual cry. I also moved some of Derek's things today but could not get rid of them yet so just put them into the other room but as you say Ailsa there is no rush to do it and i am sure we will know ourselves when the time is right.

Been to my dad's for tea tonight my sister makes it and brings it round, so thats passed the evening for me don't know how i will cope when the dark nights come round again. Well better get off to bed and see how i sleep tonight.
Take Care
Fiona xxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening everyone

Well I spent a whole weekend at home!!! Was ok, had a few tears Saturday night, got bit fed up yesterday and when my friend text me Sunday afternoon to see if I was in for a brew (she knew I was trying to survive a whole weekend with no plans and said she would call xx) the tears came and ended up really needing a hug off her! Anyway felt better for a cry and a hug and the rest of the afternoon was filled with other friends coming round and Paul`s mum and dad popping in. Didn`t get chance to make tea so me and the kids had a takeaway last night!.

Work`s been ok today and tonight daughter and I have been for the induction at the gym and go back Thursday for 1st appointment with personal trainer!!

The gym should fill those hours when there`s nothing planned and hopefully tone up and lose some weight in the process!

Hope everyone else`s Monday has been ok

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello all, Helen I phoned the School today and guess what they have got seven thats 7 weeks off this summer!!!! how mad is that, what am I gonna do with a bored 12 year old for 7 long weeks. There must be seven nice families on here surely who can have him for one week each eh any offers!!!!! Hope you are all doing well today, all the best Kev xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Lucky boy!!! Sure he`ll keep you busy! Not sure how I`ll get on with my 2 for 6 weeks!! We`re away for one week, daughter goes away for a few days and we might get some camping in!

Do you work Kev? Hope you don`t mind me asking, 12 is a difficult age though isn`t it? Not quite old enough to leave all day but not wanting to be `looked after` either!

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi, yeah I do work, (I'm a black and white photographic printer, you know when you have to print in a darkroom) I had to go part time 9-1 Mon - Fri, and I have never been part time before and I really don't like it. When the School holidays are here I have to ask loads of family and friends to look after Brad, he will be 12 the end of this month, so yeah it is an awkward age. This is the second year like this and I can't wait until he can look after himself , he will be a young 12 if you know what I mean (Harry).

Kev xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening Everyone,
Well my day not been to bad was working and sale started so kept busy and since i came home had a few visitors in so just had tea. Kev i am sure your son will keep you busy over the holidays is there holidays started yet we are into our second week here. My daughter is a primary teacher so she is enjoying her holidays.

Helen hope you on ok at the gym , think i could do to join one as needing to loose some weight i think it's everybody looking after me and inviting me to dinner. It would be a good idea give me something to do when winter nights come again not looking forward to them. Well will go and try and have a early night as not sleeping till late but at least i am resting in bed.

Take Care
Fiona xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi all, Fiona their holiday starts this Friday at 1pm and he can't wait. He has a party to go to tomorrow, his party in a couple of weeks and then no doubt it'll be boring for him for the rest of the holiday!!! As for keeping fit, I had a go on the wii fit and it was quite good, maybe something for the dark nights!!

kev xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Kev...I know what you mean (Harry)lol!!!

When my 2 were smaller I didn`t get the school hols so it cost me a fortune in holiday clubs etc. Now they don`t need looking after I get school holidays. Typical!!??

My neighbour has just sent me a message on facebook, she is doing the race for life on Sunday and wants to put Paul`s name on her back. We did the same for our local hospice night walk. It was the night of Paul`s funeral but was a fitting end to the day xxx We had our T shirts printed with Paul`s name xxx He is still being remembered ((((())))) Never to be forgotten xxxxx

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Helen, your Paul will never be forgotten.

One of my dads friends done the same a while ago with my mums photo on their shirts, touching isn't it.

We have to keep on laughing you know, so if it's alright with you when you need a laugh let me know and I'll try to make you laugh.

Kev xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Kev you made me laugh before!! Could just imagine Frank saying it hee hee!!! It`s good to laugh, miss it xxx

Helen xx

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?