My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone. Hello Tomtun. You do right to join us on here. I am just sorry you hear you are another joining us under the circumstances that made us all come on here. Sue is right though - the support on here is amazing. I sometimes even feel like I am bothering my family with my grief but on here I know I can let it out. You and your husband were married for a very long time so there is no way you are going to take to being without him around. Chris and I would have celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary on the 23rd July. June to September is a very short time from your husbands diagnosis. It must have felt like your head was spinning in that short time. You are not alone in not being able to get on with things. There are others having the same problem. I can assure you that the opposite response is no better. I am having trouble slowing down and I am absolutely worn out. I think I live in hope of doing enough to make me feel better somehow. It isn't working so far. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Chris going into hospital for a big operation that didn't work and he never recovered from so I'm afraid I am not having a good day. I think much of July is going to be difficult because Chris spent most of it in hospital last year but I am determined to get through it. I promised Chris I would look after everything that we had together so I hang onto that promise. It is nice to have a little more time to myself this weekend as I had a house full all last weekend. I hope everyone has a nice Sunday. Take care. Ailsa xx

Hello everyone, just want check that you are all ok and looking after yourselves, will write more in the week so until then bye bye and have a good sleep.

Kev xx

Hi everyone xxx

Hi Tomtun, I don`t think the amount of time we have each had together is any different, it is still hard to lose someone you love so much. Paul and I had been together 21 years and I had known him since I was 11.

I have been like Ailsa, absolutely exhausting myself, had a quiet day yesterday and been shopping with daughter today but been quite tearful earlier on the way home. I think I am still going through disbelief that it has all happened, when will this end?

Helen xxx

Evening Ailsa

Definitely thank goodness for children but I think I had been trying to hide the tears from daughter while shopping but then couldn`t hold them in any longer xxx

Paul always asked what I was going to do after he`d gone, it was something I couldn`t imagine (him not being here) so could never answer his question. He just wanted me to be happy xxx Here come the tears again!!!! I want to be happy and carry on for him but it`s so hard isn`t it!!

I`ve just been shortening trousers for daughter as she starts her work experience in a day nursery tomorrow and had to buy some new ones. Hope your daughter gets on ok tomorrow, fingers crossed.

I`ve only got 2 1/2 weeks left at school(work) until we break up for 6 weeks summer hols. At the moment I am looking forward to being off, don`t feel like going in tomorrow.

Anyway, time for a shower then bed

Night

Heen xxx

Hello Ailsa, Helen, Sue, Fiona and Tomtun and everyone else I"ve forgotten or don't know yet (oh shut up kev), howz things then. I haven't burnt any dinners lately think I'll stick to salads, god I miss Di's cooking, mines alright but we don't seem to have anything different, no I can cook thank you very much it's just that I can't be bothered, does anyone else feel like that?? or is it a man thing?? Ailsa I would like to have seen you with that drill doing your DIY.

I would just like to say to everyone that I will be thinking of you when you have an Anniversary coming up or a sad time, if I don't say anything when you post on here it's because I don't really know what to say, but I do read them and get upset.

I get through all this sadness by joking around it's just my way, people often say "why are you always larking around" thats me sorry. You may see me posting on other discussions on here but don't think for one moment "how can he be like that?" It's just me, I was like it when Di was alive and well and thought I might change after she died and nearly did, but it's been 17 months since Di died and nearly 4 months since my mum died and if I wasn't like that I don't know where I would be, don't start feeling sorry for me now thats not what I want I'm just telling it as it is. If I think about what has happened to me too much I would go mad so I try not to think too hard about what they both went through. I will always love Di like no other and always love my mum like no other.

Cor blimey I went I went on a bit there didn't I, don't know where that came from, sorry about that.

All the best and goodnight everyone kev xx

kev - ((((((((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you
I know just what you mean about not being bothered to cook. I actually made chicken fajitas tonight - can't remember the last time i bothered!
i think everyone will understand about your 'joking around' - we all need to cling to our coping mechanisms whatever they may be, and I can do the joking thing as well! but your love for Di and for your mum shines through in every post you make, so hang on in there!!!!!
love, Sue x

Hugs to you Kev ((((((()))))))

Paul was a joker and I still find myself anticipating the things he would have said (often rude!!!) to a scenario. I`m too polite to say it but friends know what he would have said ha ha!!! I think that is part of what gets us through this, they were young and fun, and so are we still and they would want us to be even though it is hard. We have to be still for our children, they have inherited that sense of fun and humour so you`re doing well keepin it going. Hope I am too???

I had another weepy morning when I got to work, I think it is finally sinking in that Paul has gone, 2 months later, sounds mad doesn`t it??? Feel bit calmer tonight.

Love to all, just keep swimming!!!! (a saying I have with a friend, from Nemo if you know the film!)

Helen xxxx

Hi Everyone,
All the post i have read tonight just relates to me as well, whats cooking i just put a ready meal in oven now as can't be bothered cooking for myself. My daughter and me were away to The Eagles concert at the weekend but think we spent most of the time in tears. I also said the same to her what have i got to live for now, but Derek would be so mad at me saying that, as i have a son and daughter to think about although they are growing up and left home. But living on your own is so hard, as Derek was always here for me. How i wish things could be differant for all of us on this site o dear now i am in tears so better go and get to bed and try and sleep
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxx

Fiona
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) just for you. I understand just how you feel, but you have children to live for, as do I, so that is exactly what we will do. Somehow!
I know it's what Alan wanted. When I went to see him in the chapel of rest, i put in his hand a red rose, and a note in which I promised to look after the family for him even though, like yours, they are grown up, some with their own children; i only have our youngest daughter with me and she is 19. I need to keep that promise, and I will do it.
i am thinking of you, Fiona.
sue x
'Grief never ends, but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay.
The sense of loss must give way if we are to value the life that was lived.'