My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Kev - have a lovely time.............hope the weather stays good.........



Helen - We've had to learn to live with his illness as it will never go away........unfortunately there's nothing tangible to remove.........he's in remission and stable and that's as good as it gets!!!



Love and (((((hugs))))))) to you all......



Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dot, pleased to hear Alan is in remission. My husband Ray fought very hard too and was determined not to give in as he wanted so much to live on. He was more realistic than me though and just knew when he was going to die. He told me March and March it was (just). Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy lots more time together Dot. Love and angel hugs x x Tricia x x

Good evening everyone. I hope you are all okay. It is dry and breezy here so I am off out shortly to get the lawn mowed before I go away.
Kaz - after looking again at the photos of Micks garden I was wandering where the garden is - is it in your garden or is it somewhere else? It looks like a lovely place to sit.
Lynne - I forgot about the good news on the pension last night. How does it work when it goes to the estate? Does it get used towards settling things or do your family get to benefit from it in some way?
Helen - glad you had a good time at the pub last night. I am going to a pub quiz with my parents tonight. Hardly raving but they like me to go and it gets me out of the house.
Gayle - it is hard deciding what to do with the car isn't it. I still have Chris's van on my drive. It is mine now and it is insured for me and my son to drive. I haven't sold it because Stu is changing his job this weekend and has to give his company car back. He doesn't get a car with the new job and wants to use Chris's van. I think he will find it is too big as his new job is in the middle of Rotherham - parking could be a problem. I know he is hanging onto it because it is his Dad's but he is going to have to make the decision for himself to get rid of it. I have my own van so I don't need it. I like seeing it on the drive though. I looked at Wully's football photos on facebook. He was having a great time wasn't he?
Fiona - how are you? It was your mum's birthday wasn't it?
Hi Tricia. I forget what everyone has said too, by the time I come to do my own post. I have cheated tonight. I wrote things down as I was reading and I have come on here before I get tired!! I am not surprised you just want to curl up and not do things. I feel the same a lot of the time. I have been feeling very scared this past week and I think it is because I am going camping with the kids in a few days. Chris asked me to do it and I booked it sure that I would be okay. I can feel myself getting worried about it now it is nearly here. The kids are so looking forward to going to the sea though so I will have to do it now. I am sure it will be good when we get there.
I'm so glad Alan is in remission Dot, and your both enjoying it. You have the right attitude. Thanks for the hugs.
It will be good to catch up when you get back kev and I bet your right - we will get to the 2000 by the time you & I get back.
Right - need to mow the lawn before it rains. Have a good evening everyone. Ailsa xx

Thank you all for your good wishes..........we all celebrate each others successes as well as being there when things are not so good too..............that's what is so good about coming here. It has saved me lots of times, although I didn't know about it until Alan was well on the road to recovery......



Hope you're all planning good things for the weekend............Ailsa hope it stays fine for your camping trip!!!



Love and ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to you all



Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Been shopping today with daughter for her school uniform, all done!!! I bought myself some new work trousers and had to buy a smaller size, the gym must be working so I`ve been tonight for a good workout!!!

Son dropped us off at the gym and he was getting a bit cross as I was being a bit of a back seat driver. It is so hard to see your 17 year old son driving your car!! He is very good though and I could almost hear Paul saying `H, let the lad be, he`s ok!` Maybe he was there?? I like to think so xxx

Anyway thinking of treating myself to a glass of wine after my busy day. Have a nice night everyone

Helen xxx

Evening all , well there's a lot to catch up tonight , first of all i hope everybody is ok , i've had a busy day at work and then been shopping for a new mobile and then went to my daughters for tea so only just managing to catch up with you all ..HI Ailsa the pension just goes to his estate which is me really , when everything is sorted, still waiting to settle the life insurance (dont know why there so slow but they are ) if there is anything left over when i've paid the mortgage off , bought a head stone and surround and generally sorted myself out i'll be treating all the kids , they have been so good to me and i couldn't have got where i am today if it wasn't for them (and you ).. Helen hope you decided to have the wine ..
Hi Trisha , Sue , Fiona , Gayle , Kaz and last but not least Dottee .
Hope Kev is enjoying his holliday

Lynne xx

Hi Everyone,

Ailsa, I hope you enjoy the camping. I understand what you mean about being scared. I get overwhelming feelings like that too - mostly because I am now solely responsible for 2 little boys and worry that I will do something wrong bringing them up. Even the practical things like being in the house on my own with them. I worry that if I fell ill or something. I have never been like that before as I always had to be the strong one looking after everyone but like you say I am sure it is another phase we have to go through. Enjoy the pub quiz.

Helen, well done on the trousers!! I need to get in shape so will be hitting the diet with a vengeance. I am sure Paul is with you all the time looking after you and the kids.

Hope you are okay Fiona with your mum's birthday.

Hi Lynne, Dot, Tricia, Kev, Sue and everyone else. Hope you are all okay. Glad Alan is doing well Dot. It is always nice to hear good news.

Well I have had a busy day. It was very sad earlier as when Jamie came out of school he said his teacher wanted to talk to me. She said he had been a bit naughty at school carrying on (all the boys had been!), but then also said he had been a bit clingy and talking about his dad. I think that was the real reason she wanted to speak to me. She asked if we talk about Wully and I said we did and that Jamie had had everything explained to him and she said that was fine she just wanted to know in case she said anything she shouldn't. I asked Jamie in the car on the way home what he said and he said he had told her that he was very sad because his daddy was dead and he missed him, and that he would never be happy again. And he was sad because he missed me when he was at school. This is really unusual as he is a very confident sociable wee boy and says he loves school. 5 minutes later he was fine and telling me all about school and how wonderful it is but my heart was breaking for him. I ended up phoning my mum in tears. It is bad enough us struggling to cope with grief but I hate my kids feeling sad. It is so difficult because he is so young so he finds it difficult to explain how he is feeling. I try to explain that his daddy wouldn't want him to be sad and would be very proud he is a big boy at school. I am sure it is just a phase with all the changes going on but still hard to deal with.

So to cheer myself up I booked a holiday to Tenerife!!! Me and the boys are going at the Easter holidays and when I phoned my mum and dad they decided they want to come too so that will make life easier for the flights etc and company for me and the boys. So now all excited. How many sleeps until 11 April??? :-)

Take care everyone.

Gayle xxx

Ah Gayle, I`ve got tears in my eyes reading that about your little boy. Well done you talking to him, he`s doing great with your help. I am the same about being the only decision maker, especially with a 17 year old who thinks he`s 27!! Don`t want to treat him like a baby but don`t want him to get too carried away.

Wow, the holiday sounds great. I must admit I`ve been thinking about next year too, got a bit of money left after paying everything but scared to spend too much as it`s all we`ll ever have probably and want to have some left to fall back on. Think it helps if we have something to look forward to.

Lynne, yes the wine is poured, cheers!!!

Helen xxx

Ah Gayle i'm in tears too , your doing really well with the boys , It must be daunting having 2 little ones , i only have myself to worry about but i'm so thankfull that the "children " are grown up as i can call on them if i need too . But i do miss Gordon , we always made decisions together now i've got to decide everything and so many things have broken or gone wrong and i cant build up enthusiasm to do anything about it (apart from my mobile , i cant do without that ) I hope your little boys ok now , i'm sure with a mum like you he'll be fine . The holiday sounds great , it will give you somthing to focus on .
Helen well done on the shaping up. i've lost about 10 pounds since i lost Gordon but most of it is what i put on anyway whilst i was off work , but i'm going to carry on now and try and lose more , i wish i'd got the guts to join a gym ..

Lynne xxxxx

Lynne I was nervous about joining, dreaded going the first few times meeting the instructor and getting my prgogramme but they have all been lovely and I`m really enjoying it. I`ve also done it for the dark nights, somewhere to go. It lifts me too if I`m a bit fed up I go there and feel much better. Is it endorphines or something? They work anyway!!! The next step is to go and do a class, don`t feel brave enough to go on my own yet??!!

Helen xxx