More difficult to move on than I imagined

I am sorry for your loss and you find yourself on this path. It is 23 weeks for me tonight, and to be honest, I am losted. The stuff you used to enjoy you don't.  You have to try and find a new you. Which is hard, the main thing is to look after yourself if you can, eat,drink and sleep. Take care

Yes we are all trying to find the new you/me. I am still doing it after being on my own for two years now. Luckily I am quite happy in my own company and for the first time I am now looking at how I can come and go as I please and do or don't do what I want when I want. Some days though you just think to yourself `is this it is this my life from now on`? My husband too wanted to pass at home Blackhawk, but in the end it just wasn't possible. He made a very swift decline within the two weeks before he passed. He became bedbound in the end and went from sitting up scrolling through his mobile phone to getting his 4th bout of sepsis which along with his terminal cancer just finished him in the end. When the sepsis took hold for the 4th time he had to be stretchered out of this house because his blood and oxygen levels were virtually nothing so there was no chance in sitting him in a chair. They needed another ambulance crew to come out and lift him as it was two lady paramedics who attended first off and they had to send out two strapping blokes to lift him Jay was a big bear of a man but there was hardly anything of him at the end but he was just like a rag doll and too floppy for the two ladies to lift. So that is how I remember him leaving this house for the last time on a stretcher and he passed away in hospital the week after. I'm not looking for `companionship` I'm in my 60's now so think after 40 odd years married I'm over all that nonsense now but stranger things can happen and if it does, it does I'm not particularly looking for it. I have family close by and concentrate on them now. My son and daughter in law live not far from me with my little granddaughter who look after on occasions and I am to be a grandmother for the 2nd time this November so something to look forward to. Just do what you feel is best for you. I'm sure you will find the best route to take eventually. Good luck moving forwards. 

Vicky.