Single person council tax….finally revised and arrived

I hope you're walk helped you to calm down. I know what you mean about housework, when it's just you,you think it's not that bad. Don't worry I do do it.

 Yes life is crap without are loved ones, and does seem pointless, yet we pick ourselves up every morning and cry and keep going.

Yes your right we at least try to as they wanted us to keep going. Walk was ok thank you I needed it my third walk today my steps are well up.  

Tears now again though it's crazy ! 

The thing is we talked about life going on afterwards. 
About how I would find the strength both within myself and wits the help of friends and family. 
My beautiful Valen told me not to spend my life mopeing and grieving and not living. 
He said he wanted, so very much wanted, me to carry on. 
Live my life to the fullest and utmost. 
Live for him. 

But what the hell did we know??????
All those promises I made to him. 
That was when we hadn’t a damn bloody clue what grief actually is. 

Nothing, absolutely nothing or no-one can really prepare you for this. 

I certainly had no idea I’ve been behaving like a teenager this evening I’ve been so restless today. I know he wouldn’t want me moping around and he’d want me to continue my life also but how do we??

No, they can’t. I didn’t make any promises, as we didn’t have time. My darling Paul, wanted to go to The West Country to say goodbye. It was our dream to move there. I remember sitting in the car with him at Cogden Beach on the Jurassic Coast. We were both sobbing, knowing what was coming. We held hands, and I said, “I don’t know how to do this.” He just sobbed, as he knew I would be on my own. I then had to drive for three hours to get him home. His temperature was 103, and I needed to get him to a Doctor. I had to allow him that last vestige of dignity. He was gone a week later. Kate. Xxx

We never talked, about Sue going,as  I think we didn't want to upset each other. Sue never liked talking about that stuff. 

I don't think anything can prepare you for this. Its 7 months on Monday and I still can't get my head around it. Crying in the shower this morning. 

I agree, that there is nothing that prepares you for this. Our daughter was sobbing last night, as she misses her Dad so much. She had been holding it in for the last couple of weeks. She helped care for him too, as he had terminal agitation. She has horrible flashbacks and nightmares still. It is so difficult to find a way through. Kate. Xxx

I hope you're daughter is ok.

I think we all know what that is like.

Take care. 

I hear you Toosoon!

What you just said is me all over. Yes I leave the hoover sitting in the middle of the room too and just walk round it saying I'll put that away later. My attitude is just now no one comes to see you so it's just you who see the mess, the clutter etc. I'm still so full of good intentions of what I will do when I get up each day (when I finally do) but never materialises. I have little energy spurts now and again of actually doing some tidying etc but then I am away as bad as ever. Ah yes the `single person council tax discount` I'm in receipt of that too but to quote one famous supermarket store `every little helps` when you're on your own. Good old Glasgow City Council actually increased ours this year though but not much being on the `single person` thing. 

Those bursts of energy! 
Exhausting aren’t they? 
The bathroom gets a go over every once in a while. And if I do the bathroom the kitchen gets a look in as well. 
That is until I just either give up. Get bored. Get sidetracked. Start crying. 
Ditto the garden. Manic weeding. In fact excessive weeding. But the watering can and secateurs are still sat out there now. 
The duvet cover is still hanging over the chair 2 weeks after washing. And yet I have ironed even my mums tea towels for something to keep occupied!

Then sit staring at the wall, my feet, the clock for an hour or 2 or 3.