My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Yes i must admit i'm dreading the dark evenings , i might pluck up the courage eventualy , Pity we dont live closer together we could get fit together and then go out and have a little wine to recover .. Just have to make do with exersizeing my fingers on the lap top for now ..
    Anybody seen Sue , i've missed her pictures ..

    Lynne xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    sorry, Lynne , been caching up with a bit of weight training lol
    Well, a bar of cadbury's fruit and nut is quite heavy................
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Ooh cadbury`s fruit and nut!!! Not had that for ages. Lynne my fingers are getting quite a work out tonight ha ha!!!!
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    everyone's a fruit and nut case..............
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Ah back to normality again Sue is back .....See full size image
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Ah back to normal again Sue is back
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    oops i,ve not been on the champers honest xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Sue I neeeeeed chocolate now!!! Had to settle for a tesco chocolate biscuit!!!!
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Ailsa, I am sure you will be fine on your camping trip but understand your apprehension. Gayle, I cried when I read of your little one's sad declaration. Well done booking a holiday. How brave. I wish I was so brave. I have no motivation without Ray. Helen well done on your gym success. marvellous. Lynne, insurance companies do tend to take their time but it will get sorted eventually. Sue glad you enjoyed exercising your jaws with the chocolate lol. Dot keep smiling hun and hope things stay good for you. Sorry anyone I missed hope you are all ok. Love x x patricia x x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Thanks ladies for the kind words. I am sure he will be fine but you just want to wrap them in cotton wool. It is hard with him starting school too (whether Wully had died or not). I think its that loss of control but thankfully he seems to like it. You just don't know what goes on in their little heads. Ewan still thinks Wully is in the hospice and then the next minute he says he lives in the sky. He has the memory of a goldfish. Last week we passed the junction on the motorway for the hospice and he got all excited thinking we were going to visit Wully. I will now sit and worry about Jamie when he is at school but luckily he is quite talkative (a little too much at times :-)) so usually tells me when something bothers him.

    I struggle with motivation too and I think the only thing that does it is the boys. I am "lucky" they are so young so I don't have a choice but to get up and go every morning or else I would probably lie under the duvet all day feeling miserable.

    This holiday was a bargain. I actually thought there was a catch but I am only paying £49 for a 1 bed apartment for 1 week in Tenerife over the Easter holidays. Flights weren't quite as cheap but a bargain all the same so that was why I booked it. It looks really good and another thing to focus on. I know what you mean about money. Don't want to spend too much at the moment. Just invested in some premium bonds so maybe I will be rich soon lol!!! I will remember you all when I am a millionaire. I have got an appointment with the bank next week to go over investments so hopefully they will give me some good ideas to put it away so that I can't touch it. Still got load of financial stuff to be finalised - I know what you mean about some people being so slow. That has been 10 weeks nearly and some haven't done anything yet.

    Anyway off for a cup of tea and hunt for chocolate - thanks Sue for tempting me grrrr!!! :-)

    Gayle xx