My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Hi everyone. I have just finished reading through the recent conversations again. Thank you everyone for letting me get some things off my chest last night. For some reason I am going through a phase (I hope) of feeling very scared. I don't know what of so I am sure I should fight it. I feel a little better since the conversations last night so thank you all again.
Kev, the others are so right and Di would know that that time was so hard for you. None of us can beat ourselves up as I know Chris thought what I did was 'above and beyond' what I signed up to. We all do what we must for the ones we love.
Well done booking the holiday Coral. I think Gayle went to Disneyland Paris recently? I forget sometimes who did what but I am getting better.
Glad your car didn't need much done Helen. The idea of you covered in mud had me in stitches Lynne.
I am going to have to click send and read some of the posts again as I can't remember what everyone has been up to - senior moment? Ailsa xx
I'm back. Sorry about that. The kids are downstairs cooking pizza and I think they distracted me and broke my train of thought!
Hi Dot. Lovely to hear form you. Do just as Sue says - you and Alan live your lives. Thanks for your support.
Hope you are okay with your mums birthday tomorrow Fiona. The weather has been absolutely shocking here today. It is nearly cold enought to put the heating on so i hope it picks up before I go away.
Hello Janie. Hope you are okay. It is nice to hear form you. I have been on facebook and had a look at Micks garden Kaz - it is lovely, well done to everyone.
Hi Kev - I will try not to be scared. I am not sure what I am scared of just scared. Have a lovely time in Devon. Ailsa xx
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