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Bereaved spouses and partners - Discussion Forum My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello everyone, thanks for what you are all saying, it does help. Janie xx you are so right to listen to all my friends and maybe in time I will be ok with it.

Hope you all have a good weekend, as I said I'm off to Devon with someone special to have a fantastic time there, same person as before. So I won't be on here from tomorrow until Tuesday probably, have fun everyone.

Kev xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi everyone. I have just finished reading through the recent conversations again. Thank you everyone for letting me get some things off my chest last night. For some reason I am going through a phase (I hope) of feeling very scared. I don't know what of so I am sure I should fight it. I feel a little better since the conversations last night so thank you all again.

Kev, the others are so right and Di would know that that time was so hard for you. None of us can beat ourselves up as I know Chris thought what I did was 'above and beyond' what I signed up to. We all do what we must for the ones we love.

Well done booking the holiday Coral. I think Gayle went to Disneyland Paris recently? I forget sometimes who did what but I am getting better.

Glad your car didn't need much done Helen. The idea of you covered in mud had me in stitches Lynne.

I am going to have to click send and read some of the posts again as I can't remember what everyone has been up to - senior moment? Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Kev, have a fantastic weekend. I hope the weather is good for you. We all deserve a break and I am sure it will do you good. I am glad you have someone special to go with. I am sure Di would be pleased.

Glad to hear the car wasn't too bad Helen. I am having a big fight with the company who finance Wully's car. I had thought they would just take it back but they want me to settle the agreement or sell it. I am thinking of buying it but not sure as it is quite a lot of money. My head tells me just to get rid of it and buy a cheaper car, however this car was his pride and joy and his first car he bought brand new. It is a lovely car (an audi) but am I just being too emotional? I have the money but obviously that money is to take care of me and the boys and I want to spend it wisely. I think I would be heartbroken if it went as it reminds me of him so much when I drive it. Plus it is only 3 years old and in immaculate condition. I really don't know what to do. Decisions decisions!

Sorry to hear about the mud Lynne. I am a bit like that too. It has been pouring down all day and I think I have been feeling a bit more blue because of that - dreading the winter now.

Coral, you will love Disneyland - we were there last week. How old are the grandkids? I had some family with me which made it easier but if the kids are older then you will be fine. Try Planet Hollywood for food and we also went to the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show which was a bit pricey but well worth it if you are looking for something to do at night.

Gayle xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi all, Ailsa, Gayle thanks again for your kind words I am listening to you all, and thanks.

Gayle you have to do what your heart says with the car, Ailsa try not to be scared and I'm sure it is a phase, Helen glad you only needed a tyre for the MOT. Janie, nice to hear from you and I hope you are ok. Everyone else hello and hope you are all doing okish.

Kev xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

I'm back. Sorry about that. The kids are downstairs cooking pizza and I think they distracted me and broke my train of thought!

Hi Dot. Lovely to hear form you. Do just as Sue says - you and Alan live your lives. Thanks for your support.

Hope you are okay with your mums birthday tomorrow Fiona. The weather has been absolutely shocking here today. It is nearly cold enought to put the heating on so i hope it picks up before I go away.

Hello Janie. Hope you are okay. It is nice to hear form you. I have been on facebook and had a look at Micks garden Kaz - it is lovely, well done to everyone.

Hi Kev - I will try not to be scared. I am not sure what I am scared of just scared. Have a lovely time in Devon. Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Quick reply, just got in from the pub and ready for bed. Coral I went to Majorca for a week with my son and daughter. I cried the whole day before we went but had a great time. Want to go again!!! I`ll fit in your rucksack lol!!!

Gayle I know what you mean, I`m thinking of changing my car becaause I`ve got some money but need to save some too for our future. Do what`s right for you xxx

Ailsa don`t be scared, we`ll get through this together xxx

Night everyone, sleep well

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Everyone seems to have their own issues to deal with so I hope that whatever they are you all manage to resolve them in time. By the time I get to this point I have forgotten who has done what (sorry). Kev, I also feel very guilty because I consented to Ray having the syringe driver with sedation and analgesia in it. He had no say in the matter as he was unable to make that decision at the time. As his next of kin it was my responsibility and it broke my heart to agree as I wanted him to be awake and with me (not sedated). I feel as though I signed his death warrant when in fact what I was doing was ensuring that he was comfortable and free from pain. Everyone tells you not to feel guilty but the only person who can stop you is yourself. You only consented to an injection which was meant to help her. So sorry, I seem to be going round in circles. That is because I am so muddled about how I feel. It is supposed to get easier isn't it? Well for some reason it isn't. I hear you all talking about holidays but all I want to do is curl up in a ball. How sad do I sound. Oh well maybe I am just having a bad moment.
Anyway, take no notice, I just had to say it. Bye for now. Good night God bless. x x Tricia x x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Comforting (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) for you all here today............you all have demons to fight and decisions to make and I am sure you will all know when you've reached the right place to be...........

As for Alan and myself...........well I have no choice in what we do as Alan refuses to give in or give up.....he treats his illness as a minor inconvenience!!!!!!! And he sails blithely through life as always...just occasionally doubts break through when his pain is too much!!!

Love and more ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning Dot xxx

Alan sounds very like Paul, he wanted to carry on and live his life as much as he could. He passed his motorbike test in between his treatment (that was after having lessons as he had never ridden a bike!) He bought a lovely bike and carried on going to the match. None of this was made easy due to the illness/treatment but he didn`t give in easily. Well done to you and Alan, keep it up

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Morning everyone, hope you are all ok today and I'll catch up next week, when I come back I bet you have hit 2000 posts!!

Kev xx

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