12 months!

Yes it's cruel Smosie, 

So much Jay and I looked forward to in later years but cancer robbed us of that. He missed our son's wedding in February last year and the birth of our 2nd little granddaughter in October last year. He only got to see the first two years of the older ones life. So much going on that I wish he was here for but he's not and I know he would give his opinions on a lot of the goings on. Hope you settle soon ok after your last one `flying the nest` its horrible when that happens. I only have our son and I wept buckets when he left home but his dad was here and that must have been really hard for you to manage on your own Take Care. 

Vicky xx

It is so Unfair . And you have every right to be Angry. I know I am very ANGRY at the rubbish deal we got and I'm sure most of ,if not all of us here feel or have felt it.  We have been denied a future with the ones we love so much . We've worked and some of us have brought Children up . Hoping for a Carefree Retirement . We made plans to go places and cram more into the years we thought we had left together. But we've been Robbed! Some of us sooner than others. We just never know when we will run out of time ..Not one day has passed that I haven't cried since my Love left me . And I really don't know when I might have a day off . Some people further down the line say we learn to carry our grief differently. I think it's going to take me a long time. It's exhausting . I have my youngest son staying here until August when he will be starting a new job. He probably can't wait . He must get fed up of hearing me crying . Then when he's gone I am going to feel the Loneliness hit me more .I do hope you have some support in a friend or family. Every time we visit our 94 year old Mum she says she's going to lock us in, She wishes we were all back there. She does pretty well for visitors as we are a big family, but nobody can be there 24 hours a day. Have you got any interests or hobbies Smosie ? 

I have had 3 operations since my husband passed, the first one an emergency 9 weeks after and another after 6 months and then my last one last month after 3 months so spend way too much time sat recovering and way to much time to think, I am 5 weeks into recovery now so I am going to my first widow group on Thursday, very scared but I need to broaden my life until I get back to work and my yet another new normal. Tonight is the first time in my 64 years that I will spend a night totally alone, it makes the pain in  my heart unbearable, we had so many plans too and right now without him by my side they all seem so far out of reach.

What a terribly difficult time you have had. Your own health as well. Goodness knows how you have got through it. The pain is bad for me too, today. I was just sitting out on the decking with a glass of wine. I had to come in, as I can’t bear it without him. The tears are flowing. Hugs to all. xxx

After all you have been through  with your own poor health you must be absolutely exhausted. As if the loss  of your Soulmate isn't enough so you will be feeling extra low . I hope you are able to eat well to get your strength up, And of course keep hydrated too.   It would be nice if you had someone who could make you a nice snack or meal now and again as if you are anything like most of us here you probably won't have much interest in cooking for one . Perhaps get some ready meals in the freezer which you can pop in the microwave or oven.  Morrisons do a nice selection , a friend of mine lived on those for quite a while after her loss , She might even still buy them a lot now . 

I get that Smosie.

AlL the big plans we had have all went to the wall or in the bin because realistically I can't do them on my own which makes me sad. Sorry to read about your own ill health which I am sure will make things worse for you but hope you feel better soon and the widow group works for you. Take Care. 

Vicky x

How do you all cope with the loneliness, I feel it's taking me to the edge and it's only been just over a year, I am really trying to keep busy etc but nothing makes this better

That's one of the hardest things for me. I'm naturally quite shy and losing David has knocked my confidence badly. I see a friend maybe once a week but otherwise I'm on my own. People say 'you must come round for coffee' or 'we must catch up.soon' but they don't suggest a day or time, and so it never happens. Someone suggested I join a book club; not sure about that helping much. I don't have any answers I'm afraid; hopefully someone else here will.

I have joined a book club with a meet up every couple of weeks. I have also joined a widows group on Facebook xx

I have found that the company lessens has people think you are coping and ok but this last month it's like I have had a second wave of grief, like the reality of the situation has smacked me in the face, he's not coming back and it's sinking into a reality I really don't want