Sudden lows

I went to the Doctors today. This time I got a man and when i saw it was a man I wanted to turn around . But I found him very understanding and  had a lot of Patience . I broke down a few times which I always find embarrassing . He has upped my antidepressants just for a while to get me through this difficult period , and I asked  about the EMDR so he's looking into that.   I am feeling like that too about the last few weeks of my Hubby's life . We were both in denial. He tried so hard to hang on and to help me find the house I /We needed . I think we both thought he would survive this again , but it wasn't to be .                                                     

We used to go to festivals together, it was something I really needed to do, the dancing all weekend with friends was my other happy place. There is a festival coming up , I bought a ticket, the van is ready but I am dreading going without him, I feel like the festival is the thing that will give me a part of me back but I feel sick about the idea. It’s only 8 months & I know it is a forever thing but if I don’t do festivals I really can’t get any other joy out of life. It would sound silly to people who aren’t going through this but you lot know that we lose ourselves & it’s so hard to find our way back

Well done for getting the ticket. Which festival are you going to ? I have booked a four day break in The West Country, ten minutes from where we used to stay. We usually would go down four times a year. I did it for the same reason as you. I need to. My childhood was spent down there, the full six weeks of the summer holidays every year. My dad was from that area. Also, I have to show our adult children it is possible to have a life. I have played it through in my head, and cried already. I will be bloody well going. Exposure therapy in action, again. We go on the 27th April. It will be the first time back in twenty months. Kate.

I came across The loss foundation yesterday. They do online sessions for amongst others, people who have lost their partner to cancer. Im going to try to attend one. They do in person stuff but too far away for me.

1. Well done you Kate & SsDebs. Early last year when our youngest son stayed with us in Scotland,he mentioned my elder sister really fancied going to Venice for a holiday,but her Husband didn't want to go. I said it would be a lovely place to see and he said  I should go with her. I said we'll see how Dad is. As it was he started to deteriorated .And I forgot about it. My son brought it up again when I moved here ,and between him and my sister I have been they have persuaded me to go .for 4 nights. I cried in the Travel agents. My Sister is really excited .& I feel like such a misery just not being able to get excited about going . Much as I love my Sister . I do wish Hubby was here and we were going together. I'm sure it will be lovely and I hope I don't spoil it for my Sister. But like you two I need to try get myself back into making what time I have left "enjoyable " Cos' as we know there is no promise of how long we get . 

Of course you wish your husband was here. It is terribly upsetting to not have them with us. We were married for 36 years, and together for 40 years. We belonged together, and it is heartbreaking. I am also a realist, and don’t have any expectations about our break. I am just going to have an open mind, and try to enjoy nature, beaches, a break from chores and a decent meal. I know I will cry, but I cry at home. So what is the difference ? I might as well cry there. At least the countryside is stunning. 

Hi Kate, it is the Rattler Fest, next Friday, which is at Healey cider farm about 10 miles from where we live. It’s only 2 nights so not too long for a tester . My friend said to just try & get there & if you want to go home again it’s not far, of course she is right. I know if I can get there I’ll probably be ok, it’s just leaving home without him 
My life is so rubbish without him, I desperately need to dance, to feel something other than this devastating weight 
I’m carrying. I know it’ll be back as soon as I get home but just a small break would be appreciated, after all I can cry there just as easily as I can here & my friend would be happy to cry with me. Wish me luck & good luck with your little adventure. Let me know how you get on ️

Hoping you have a great time. Let us know xx

Well done to all of us just for trying, if it happens then BONUS ️

I will do. Enjoy the cider.