Black Holes

I’m the same. 2 months in. Been ok for a couple of days, although I try not to think. It’s hit me today. Not helped that I’ve been poorly for a few days. 

I’m struggling with having any motivation at all and definitely on the same “what’s the point, he’s not here”

I’m getting out with friends and put my “outside face” on and pretend I’m ok. 
I know it’ll get better in time but now it’s so painful and I miss him so much.

I get the 'outside face' thing, sometimes I even convince myself for a couple of minutes. I was in tears before I even got out of bed this morning. The feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming. 'What's the point' runs through my brain on a loop. Wish I could pull myself out of this. 

I am the same been just over a week and the only thing keeping me going is the kids. I know I have to be strong for them and I won’t let my wife down but I can’t stop thinking is this now my whole purpose in life sounds selfish but I feel I have no one to talk to all my family and kids are around me but I feel so alone. 

The one person we want to talk to is the person we've lost. 

So true 

Very true 

I've just seen a platform for Teens and younger on Facebook..I wondered if it would be helpful for your 3 children. I think it's called Talk grief. All sorts of thoughts go around our head's. 

Anyone wrote letters to their loved one,?. I have wrote a few. I need to try do more of this Journalling thing . It keeps getting suggested  in the Podcasts.                                                        Can you believe I found the Love letters we sent to one another while I was on my first trip to Spain My Mum had arranged for my younger sister and I. I had actually split up with my then Boyfriend ( Husband to be ) in 1977 . But we got back together just before the holiday. .I have kept them all this time. Too late to take to the Hospital to show my dear Hubby. I read a few lines from one and I broke down. If I had found them earlier in the year last year ,we would probably have had a laugh about the soppy things we wrote. And now they are in a packed box somewhere. It will be some time before I find them again. I need to search for them. Cos' if they are in the garage they might get damp and be ruined. Then I will be very upset. After treasuring them all these years and then they might be destroyed. I should have put them where I knew I could soon find them. What a mess my life is now.  So sad . All gone now. 

Thank you I have made a note of your suggestion will look at them tonight and speak to the kids tomorrow. Really appreciate your help

Yes, I write to David. I tell him things I've done, tell him how much I love and miss him. I can't talk aloud to him, it feels wrong, but writing is good for me. I also write a journal, it's a place to say whatever I'm feeling, to vent, to let it all out. I've done it since he was diagnosed, it was a bit of sanity in those early days, now it's a lifeline.