One of those Days.

I have become to sound like the proverbial docker my language has become so bad! 
Mostly on my own, rarely in public. 
And it makes me feel bad as my beautiful Valen, though no prude by any stretch of the imagination, didn’t like me swearing. 

Had an hour with the mental health nurse this afternoon. 
Got lots off my (ample) chest. 
Going over and over and over the lead up to next month when he was ripped from me.  
This time last year we….. This time last year we went…… This time last year we saw…… This time last year he said….. 

Told her about going for fish and chips at 2.30am. 
And trying to call mum at 4.30 am then texting my sister that I was worried as mum not picking up her phone and I was going over. Then realising the time. 
She said it’s not surprising I’m getting confused as I’m so exhausted. Which I am.

Did some washing and did some for our cafe as never have a full load anymore.  
Tea towels and napkins for them. Which I will iron just to pass some time.

Its getting dark earlier isn’t it!

I have had one of those days, too. I just couldn’t be bothered. I managed to twist a muscle in my back yesterday, and it is painful. I went back to bed, with some ibuprofen. I read, then cried, then slept. An early night for me, and back to my Wilbur Smith book. Hopefully, tomorrow will be easier. Kate. Xxx

You always seem to be doing something useful and helpful for others which is great but as you say some things pass through time. I'm dreading the winter evenings already.

I hope you have managed to have some fish n chips since your last attempt. 

Glad you got things off your chest it's good to talk about these weird things that are happening.

Hii, i find Friday evening of all nights the worst, just a month and 3 days since my darling husband died. We rarely went out but we use to call Friday night our music night, put U Tube on and listen to Motown an Soul music and sing along to the likes of the four tops, temptations, Ben E King ( the list is endless ) and all i have done since is cry when i listen, so much so that i switch the music off and go bed around 8ish as its to painful to listen without him. David’s funeral took place on a Friday and his celebration of life was just fillled  with his favourite music and he had a fantastic send off and i dont know if i i will ever enjoy listening to motown/soul the way i did with David in my life, i miss him so much

Hi,

 To start with I could not listen to music, but now I need the music. Sue and I went to a lot of gigs, so now if a song comes up on my i-pod and we saw the band, I try to remember the gig and more importantly Sue. I suffer on a Friday night reliving that night, so iam trying to push the bad memories to the back. It is still very early for you, and this is your journey. So just do what is right for you. 

Take care

Last night, or rather early this morning, I became so angry. So frustrated. That’s another plate I’ve lost thrown against the wall in white rage.

Im trying to book my train ticket to Wales to be with my brother and sister in law for the 1 year whatever we call it but definitely not anniversary.  
Get through the page after page of booking. Ticking this, no I don’t want that. Payment page. Enter card details. 
“Sorry we can’t process you payment. Please try another payment method”. 
Go through it all again. And again. 
Try another card. Same message. Well I don’t have another payment method except tears. But I can’t convert Sterling to Tears. 

I need my beautiful Valen to do this. To have the patience to keep trying. To have the sense to leave it till today. 
To calm me down and not let me chuck a good plate at the wall. 
But if he was here I wouldn’t need to go to Wales. 
God, this is so exhausting.

Oh no! It took.me a whole day to book a train ticket too. And even at the end of it I didn't know when to set my alarm as I didn't know what time I was leaving. It didn't really matter as I didn't sleep a wink that night anyway. My son said I should've asked him to do it. So.if you haven't managed it yet, I'd say ask your brother. We have so many battles to fight, maybe we need to learn to get someone else to tackle some of them.  That is at least something others can do because they cant do the one thing they know we really want. 

I’ve just been thinking ahead for Oct and nov I have some days off was thinking about booking something I am ready to just get away and run for a couple of days not too far away may look into some kind of calming wellness thing as it’s been some crazy days here recently to no plate breakages though. 

Better get myself moving to work though now early start as they have been good enough to allow me to escape to tennis for one hour I think they see it’s good for me at the moment…x

That is such a good idea!
I know with absolute certainty that he will do this for me if I ask .

As you say, it’s a daily battle, so let’s others help where they can. 

And save my plates

Yes notice that too MrsVT 

Lights going on about 8.30-9.00p.m. now.