To those of you who've been here a while

Sadly from what I also have read and understood from being on here is that it can sometimes get harder …which is an awful thought as it’s hard enough as it is for us!!  

I Had a non focused day which is quite often nowadays and I have not had the tv on since before he passed. It was usually on from 8 or 9pm with us sat together on the sofa I haven’t managed that yet as I think he should be here with me holding my hand or massaging my leg or foot on the sofa as he did. 

Everything we do would have involved our husbands, wife partners etc and it’s hard adjusting to the new life without them. 
Some days are slightly better then some days are tougher than you would ever have imagined and they are the ones I really struggle with and just don’t know what to do like you or how to cope but it the grieving process which no one can prepare us for. 

Have you been offered or taken up any grief counselling yet? 
Someone suggested trying yoga to me I haven’t done anything about it yet but I do find it so difficult to relax and unwind. 
My face has big black weary eyes and I look like crap at times and that’s how I feel most of the times never wore much makeup up at all but don’t bother now. 

I did shopping in lidls thought today for a couple of bits and one of the ladies who had just come off shift came up to me and asked how I was getting on and gave me a hug too when she saw I was a little teary. She always was very pleasant to us both when we went shopping there together. I didn’t expect that but it was so nice.  An almost stranger offering kindness unlike some others who we know don’t bother with us anymore and that’s actually fine by me now. 

I’m sad and lonely and went for a long walk by the river this evening for a change it’s really hard doing everything on your own i am trying so hard but keep talking on here although reading this isn’t going to help you tonight!  
But tomorrow is another day job list for me is get in the attic and put the fans back up as summer has finished and knocking the stress out of me on a tennis ball later with a girl from the beginners class I met who also wants to just hit a ball.  The problem is my husband isn’t here to hand the fans up to me so I shall struggle! 

It will get better: if by 'getting better' you mean you adjust to the new reality of living without your loved one. Adjusting is complicated: how do you adjust to the mental brain fog that means you forget what you are doing and can't keep a thought in your mind from one moment to another. When will you be able to read a novel and remember what you read the day before? What about the physical wobbles that make you lose your balance. Then there is the loss of confidence: how do you adjust to the need to check everything that you took for granted previously? Why don't you know how long it takes to cook rice when you've been doing it for forty years? Where is your energy when you need to plant bulbs or prune fruit trees? How do you explain to the well-meaning (if there are any) that you want to be alone as being with others is too painful? And no, you don't want to spend your new 'free time' volunteering for the church that didn't visit your dying husband. 

Thank you for your reply. I am on a waiting list for bereavement counselling. Reading your reply did help. I think we need lots of reminders that we are not alone in this in the sense that others do understand our suffering.  I listen to lots of audiobooks which help me fall asleep as well as keeping me company during the day. 

Yes the brain fog and lack of energy are hard. As for "new free time" for me it's slow time where I take ages to post a parcel or buy some yogurt. Thank you for replying.  

As time has gone by, life has continued to evolve around me. I remember in the early days, it felt like I was trying to wade through treacle. My brain was in overload and wouldn’t function properly. That took some time. I would now describe it as different, rather than easier. I now at least experience moments of fleeting happiness, or even joy (Usually nature based). There are also longer periods between the grief attacks, and I feel more emotionally stable. Sending hugs and support. Kate. Xxx

Thank you xx

Hi clazzz,

It's week 32 for me tonight.  I still cry everyday but not as much.  I am tired, lonely and depressed without my Sue.

 My concentration is getting better, I can now read a bit more about 30 minutes at a time. I listen to music in an evening as music bring back memories which make me smile and cry, hopefully one day just smile.  I made a strange sound the other day and realised I had laughed. So their is some hope.  I still love and miss Sue ,so much my chest still hurts. We have bad wave days. I think we just learn to adapt, they are still in our hearts and minds and triggers can knock you for six. Everyone is different as we are all different people. 

I had something happen a few weeks ago so I am back in counselling.  Grief is not a straight path it is a bowl of spaghetti all over the place.

Take care

You take care too. We are all here for eachother. 

Part of me is reluctant to reply for fear of making you feel worse.

Although I don't have the compete devastation that fills every hour my situation is still not good. 

Having few friends and family means I'm in many senses existing day by day. 

We did everything together so without him I'm an empty shell of who I was before. 

Sending love to you.