One of those Days.

I got blindsided by one today. 
I emailed the plumber to arrange the annual boiler service. Something Valen always did. 
He would stand in the garage with him, chatting away, looking over his shoulder. 
So today I sent the email and in it told the plumber that my beautiful Valen had passed away hence me sending the request. 
And I was fine typing all that. Right up to saying when it was last done. 
Which was 10 days before he was taken. And that really hit me hard. 
Just 10 days before! He hadn’t stood in the garage chatting this time as he couldn’t stand for long or speak for long and he hated people seeing how swollen his neck had become.

After an hour of crying I managed to call my sister in law who, as always, calmed me down and we ended up laughing. 
Then the plumber sent an email back with a date and saying how very sorry he was to hear the news. He said he knew Valen was really unwell and he missed him in the garage! 
So that set me off again. But as if she knew, my sister in law sent me some messages with plans for my trip to Wales next month. Calm again now.

Yes, the boiler service is on the ever extended list of “Things to do”. Or as I call it, “Operation Kick up the Arse.” I am trying to get our home ready for Autumn/Winter. As you know, we would have shared that responsibility with our men. I went into the garage to do an assessment of what to take for a dump run. I saw my darlings walking stock in the corner of the garage. I just closed the garage and cancelled the dump run. I couldn’t face it. I try again this week. I have had a good few days, but there are always those “Ambushes”, waiting to get us. Kate. Xxx

Every once in a while I will open the part of the wardrobe of the drawers where I moved all Valen’s remaining clothes into. 
He had culled 70% himself in the few weeks before, so not a huge amount left. But what is left is stuff he wore lots. 
So, as I say, every once in a while I will take a deep breath, open the drawer or door. Run my hands through them. Cry. Close the drawer or door. And say “No. Not today. Still to soon”.

Same with his toothbrush and razor sitting in their usual places in the bathroom. I’ve managed to throw out the toothpaste and lots of his potions and lotions, though some of those remain.

We will know when the time is right and we feel up to it. 
I will be having some of his t.shirts turned into a blanket, just not yet. 
And my sister in laws aunt still hasn’t done her husbands clothes and he passed away 18 years ago!