Ranty rant rant!

Wow...who does that? I really don't understand people. Completely understand your rage, I would be the same. They are definitely not worthy. Absolutely disgraceful. Reading that makes me rage on your behalf. Pleased you had a lovely tome x

Thank you. What made it worse was that I am not on social media (Out of choice), The first I knew was when someone came up to me and said, “What a lovely post about your husband, it is all so sad.” Then it just carried on, and on. I had already contacted all of our friends and family via text. It was extremely presumptuous and really upset me at the time. 

Wow, I can't believe that.

Had my little granddaughter sleepover last night. My son and my daughter in law work Saturdays and are out really early in the mornings so she comes here on Friday nights. I've had `two weeks off` because my son wasn't working last Saturday (Saturdays are overtime for him if he wants it) and the week before my daughter in law was on holiday so it was back to me last night. She just loves going to school and told me all about it. She loves colouring in and asked if I had any colouring books which I don't she went into a drawer and found an old colouring book of Jay's and said `what's this`? I said `that was your papa's colouring book` during covid Jay took up painting by numbers and I bought a few of those adult colouring books for him just for something to do this one was full of mermaids, angels and different patterns and some of which he had actually done and the wee one looked at them and said `Papa was so clever` and then she said to me `can I colour some of papa's pictures`? and I said yes off you go. Some had writing on the pages his mixture of upper and lower case writing (he had dyslexia) and then that set me off thinking about him the whole day. So that colouring book is Myla's now ( wee grandaughter) and its here for when she comes over to colour in.

That is so beautiful. 
It made me happy cry. Such a wonderful link for your Myla.

How old is she?

With me Ghostlove it's usually Jay's ashes pendant I have round my neck. The heart screws on to the chain and sometimes comes loose the first time I lost it I panicked too and thought I had lost it outside but luckily for me it was in the house.It has happened a couple of times and when it does I usually say that is Jay having a wee laugh at my expense. 

I'm glad you haven't lost your pendant. 

I took my ring in on Monday, turns out it needs to drop 4 sizes. It going to take a week. I just can't get used to it not wearing it.

I know what you mean, I wouldn’t like it either. 

She will be 5 years old next week MrsVT.

xx

Nearly 3am and for the last hour and a half I have been trying to work out why I cant get all the Freeview channels. 
Our friends came and helped me to disconnect the Sky box, make sure I had got everything boxed correctly to post off and make sure tv cables in place. 
We did a quick check it was working and got sidetracked by setting up all the catch up channels like bbc iplayer and itvx. 
And even more sidetracked when we saw my beautiful Valen had set up Roku tv. 

Well tonight I wanted to watch something on Uk drama, or whatever it’s called now, and found I hadnt got it. And about half the freeview channels are missing. 
Tuned, retuned, retuned again. And again. And again. Google. freeview website. 
Nothing. 
Spent a good hour crying, screaming into my dressing gown. swept my nearly finished jigsaw onto the floor in anger. I have raged around the bungalow. Hurt my toes as I kicked the wall. 
I will have to ask our friends for help again. 
But I’m afraid that they will soon get utterly fed up of my asking them to help with things they probably wonder why I can’t do myself. 
I don’t want to scare them, make them back off from me as they are a real link to sanity. 

And I feel so incredibly guilty. It’s trivial.  
I am upset that I can’t watch a bloody tv programme. 
My beautiful Valen had to face every day knowing that he was going to die. That every day was a step closer to death. Not knowing if he was going to be in pain. Scared. 
And yet daily doing things to make my life after a little easier. 

I feel like a bloody fool. 
Sorry for the long post.  
Bad day.