Ranty rant rant!

I keep talking to friends and family about moving to a small holding. 
It’s mainly in jest, but every once in a while it does seem ideal and I have planned it.
I wouldn’t want to move yet as I need to be near mum who turns 90 this year and increasingly frail. 
Also, my Valen loved it here and made many improvements. So I want to stay for a while. 
But I know that in a few years I probably will move.

That’s interesting. I have noticed that you are a very active person, with lots of interests. It may well suit you. You could grow some amazing produce. Kate. Xxx

Hi PBD7,

 I understand how you feel, we moved up here 8 years ago next month.  Sue was so happy here this was like many of us are forever home. Now its a shell no life,just a sad house. 

I have been asked about moving back to Yorkshire, but it's to early for that. Abig part of me wants to stay here. This is where Sue was at her happiest, and I do feel closer to her here. Then there is no support from family and friends up here. I will stay because I just want to be with Sue.

Totally understand how being somewhere makes you feel closer to Sue and not wanting to leave that.

It suddenly struck me last night, we moved here 24th Sept 2020 and my beautiful Valen was taken 26th Sept 2024.  
Just 4 years, but it always felt that we had been here so much longer. 
We made this little bungalow and garden so “us”. Settles in so quickly.
I’ve made a few changes, both inside and out, over the last 9 months. 
Some we were planning ourselves, others all my own ideas. 
It’s the same, but subtly different. Our friends and family see the differences and like them.

I was talking to my brother and sister in law about the bungalow, garden, location, how I feel here. How Valen loved it here. The townie settled into the coast.
Hating coming home to the new silence and stillness.  
But I feel safe here.

As I was talking a Red Admiral butterfly landed on the open conservatory door and stayed there until we finished our conversation. About half an hour.  
I dunno. It just seemed significant to me.

So the small holding will wait a few years.

A white butterfly flew around me yesterday and brushed my hand. I watched it flutter away. Strange day of butterflies.

It's taken all this time to make the decision.  Nic and I moved here 15 years ago and it was, back then, going to be our forever home.  I also feel like it's a prison.  After Nic died, people were  looking out for me which was lovely but it's now too much and I literally cannot breathe without people knowing.  I'm grateful for their concern, I really am, but I get ooh, you've had work done in the garden, you've got a new car, you are not in or out at the usual times, your lights were on when they weren't usually.  You get the drift.  

I'm kind of moving to the middle of a field, but it's walkable into the village.  It will be nice not to be close to other houses and any curtain twitching.

My rant over for today.

Thank you and you take care too.

Jay and I always talked of moving but it never ever happened. Been here 30 odd years so you could say this is a `forever home` but just feels now like a lot of you are saying like a `prison`. But I see it now as my `safe place`. Somewhere I can just go in and close the door on the world outside. It's just a house now and as some of you have also said you see your neighbours move on with their lives and get things done while you feel stuck.

xx

I live in a village too, so I know what you mean about everyone wanting to know every detail about you life. I love the “Middle of a field idea”. Kind regards, Kate. Xxx

Jay used to joke about that too. We should get a tent and move to the middle of nowhere. Just recently that idea he had seems to appeal more and more. 

xx