Ranty rant rant!

Thank you. You have made me smile tonight. 

Make that 3. Sounds like me too!

‍ Me to please.

I have a few very close, good, caring, thoughtful friends. 
And 2 really good neighbours.

But those “I’m here for you” fair weather friends have evaporated into thin air. 
The texts have dried up. 
None of the offers of coffee have materialised, though I have asked.

No ones actually dodged behind cars when they see me………..though I have.  
But there are definite “must dash” or “wish I could stop” by the dozen.

Sod ‘em.

Funnily enough, some unexpected people have come forward. 
A couple that have surprised me, but thinking about them, I know my beautiful Valen would not be surprised by.

Oh you rant until your hearts content Mrs VT! if that's the right thing to say. Yes I can relate to everything everyone is saying here. I want to scream everyday but just have a problem letting it all out like most of you. Yes people can be tactless at times and think because you are a couple of years in from losing their spouse/partner everything is `hunky dory` again and you're back to normal when you're not. This month for me has just been sh*t I just have no motivation to do anything go anywhere and see anyone. I know what it is though I have two sad anniversaries this month. Jay (my late husband) and I's wedding anniversary is this coming weekend (21st June) and two days later he passed on the 23rd. I feel as though I am actually forcing myself to move through this month. Not sleeping great and just constantly feel like a sack of rags. Been on to the GP- he gives me sleeping tablets. Not taken any yet been surprisingly tired the last couple of nights and crashed out no problem. I feel I am the one at the minute who's there for everyone else and all the time I just want to tell them all to `F` off!! but its just not in my nature to do so.  So I carry on look after my little granddaughter- as I am the `go to` grandparent it seems and I look after my sister who has learning difficulties and has just got over a bowel cancer diagnosis and is currently waiting on heart valve surgery I think because it's `expected` that I do it. I had a phone call from Jay's cousin yesterday she is about the only one from his family who actually phones me now and again and checks in on how I'm doing and she `gets it`. I have my cousin as well who I can phone from time to time she's great she tells me to phone her if I need anything too. Aren't cousins great!! But just to say I get where you are all coming from with sometimes being confronted by `tactless` individuals they are so full of the `you should do this/that` or `try this/that` yes they are well meaning but maybe it's something you're not ready for. If any of you find that place to have a good scream let me know. Take Care everyone. 

Vicky xx

Kate I'm like that too. I am very choosy as to what I speak about to people too. I've kind of always been that way and kept myself to myself nobody's business what you do or where you go. 

Good one Mrs VT!

Smiling like a `Stepford Wife and internal Tourette's. Good we can still laugh at everything.

Where do I join

Rant away.  That's what this amazing community is here for.  I get all that you are saying.  Four years on, I just say that I'm fine when people ask as they really don't want to hear that I'm still not after all this time.  It's a mask and I deal with everything in the background.

I'm moving soon to a place where nobody knows me and I will live in splendid isolation.  Sounds a bit odd probably, but I've had enough of all the well meaning platitudes.  Also I'm fed up of people dredging up memories of Nic and expecting me to be happy to talk about them just because they want to.

Sadly, only those who have gone through this can really understand it.

Take care and shout as much you want.

I'd love to move too Nicsmrs but realistically just can't afford to. If I move I would need to start paying rent because I own my flat and they would know I had capital and sometimes rent can be just as expensive as paying a mortgage and I'm mortgage free. I would never get another mortgage anyway not at my age.  I can't move far because of my sister she is in sheltered accomodation because of her learning difficulties within walking distance from me she can do for herself but needs me for a lot of other things. Jay said to me days before he passed why would I want to move when I am mortgage free? and I said because you won't be here. He was the one even in his last days who looked at all the practicalities of it and told me to think seriously because of the financial implications it could cause for me. So I just need to `put up and shut up` as they say and try my best to `improve` not move with what I have. 

xx

Sometimes I think about moving, but then I think where to and to do what.

Splendid isolation sounds perfect! I'm sick of the sight of people even neighbours happily getting on with their lives. Perhaps I need to live in a field in the middle of nowhere. It's ironic, when I moved house 7 years ago I thought this was my perfect house in my perfect location and loved it. It was my forever home. Now my castle is my prison and just a house I live in. Who knew.

Take care too, hope the move goes well.