Re-imagining the future?

12 replies
27 subscribers
573 views

I lost my wife, best friend and partner earlier this year from pancreatic cancer.. I appreciated reading all of the prior posts with heartfelt stories and similar struggles with losing a spouse or significant other. I am struggling with how to re-envision my future without her. We plan and expect our partner to be with us forever and starting over in your 50’s is a daunting thought.

While I realize it has only been a short period of time for me, being alone, sad and heart-broken:

How did or do you even start with re-envisioning your future when you’ve lost your partner?
Are there ways you’ve been able to picture your future in a year, 5 years or 15 years?
What are you doing differently today as compared to when your partner was still by your side to help you going forward?

Thanks for your perspective..

PattyK 26 days ago in reply to Toosoon

Hi Toosoon.

I have my husbands ashes here with me too. Years ago I would have scoffed at that because found it creepy for people to keep their loved ones ashes now though, I get it. I just don't know what to do with them either so `he` sits in his union Jack urn in the corner and is quite happy so in a way he is still here with me. Yeah the food thing. I have become a conniseur of the `ready meals` used to scoff at them too but some are really good- and filling just enough for me. I was just so used to Jay (my husband) making huge platefuls of food and the fridge was always full of all sorts of stuff and now its practically empty. Cooking was his passion and he would cook for an army. I do cook for myself but nothing as elaborate as Jay used to make spices, sauces etc all had to be added somewhere he loved all the cooking programmes on TV with the celebrity chefs.

I have gone back to a lot of my interests I had to shelve while he was ill and I had to look after him. Went back to the gym at the beginning of 2024 after a two year absence I have went back to online learning as well. A college local to where I am ran free online courses during lockdown 5 years ago and I did some and quite enjoyed them so decided to go back to them. I also have my little grandaughter who I look after regularly too and I have gone back to knitting which I find quite relaxing. Think we all eventually find our own way forwards. Take Care.

Vicky xx

nicsmrs 2 days ago

Hi, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I'm four years into this journey and can honestly say that the first year was a complete blur. Nic was 58 when he died and I was 54. I had three months off work straight after Nic died then left three months after I went back as it was too much too cope with. I had a lot to deal with in the house (Nic's hoards and those of his parents that Nic brought back to the house after they died) which took up a lot of time and was very stressful.

I didn't have a thought about the future until my previous work asked me to go back early last year. They contacted me at just the right time as I was feeling like I had no structure to my life and I was bored. I've gone back 12 hours a week and it has been so positive for me as I'm interacting with people again and not moping around at home on my own.

On 1 February this year, four years to the day that Nic died, I had an epiphany. It was time to move on on my own. I decided to move house and go 50 miles away, close to my family. I'm now waiting for the sale and purchase to go through.

We all experience this differently and will have a time when we feel it is time to move on. I'm not saying it has taken the whole four years to do this, it's more than life has gradually shifted in different ways and I'm now where I am.

Please take things gently and not put too much pressure on yourself to feel that you should be feeling things according to how others think you should be feeling.

Sorry for the long post. What I guess I'm saying is, there is no right way to go about grief and life after the loss of a loved one. You will feel when it is right to make changes and move on if you need and want to.

Take care.

More from this forum

Re-imagining the future?