Feeling Low

hello Julian L

Hello Julian L

I am so very sorry for your loss and, like everyone else here, I know exactly how you feel because I’m in the same unbearable position. Although it doesn’t help, I sometimes try to console myself with the thought that grief is the price of love.

I see you mention the Ferryman.that reminded me of a TV series a long time ago – Who Pays the Ferryman. I have just been listening to the theme music which always reminds me of Greece which my darling Wife and I loved.

Like you, when I see Charon coming for meI will feel relieved. Until then, I send you my very best wishes.

hi iam so sorry to hear of your loss.In truth ive got no answer cveit died on the 22/3/25 and it feel things get worse no easier i dont know how i get past each day its fight some times just to get going its hard the only advice i have for you is just take each as it comes.Today has been hard when i finally got out of the house and whent to the shops has i waited for the bus a court a glimpse of cveti out of the corner of my eye And it sent shock wave through me its was a struggle to keep my composure.My be i am losing the plot but if that means i see cveti even if its out of the corner of my eye so be it.The point of me saying that is you just dont know what will happen or even how you will feel from day to day.That was a surprise there been a few more odd things happen but i will not bore you with that.My heart goes out to you this world is not fair.

Respect man i hear every thing you say i do understand that grief is the price of love.but what a price to pay man and i so so sorry man for your loss.cveit loved greece she worked there when she younger.Cveti was from bulgaria and i am part english part italian i was born in southwest london.And we kept our mediterranean ways.we moved to durham 9 years ago for a more laid back life as cveit had already sufferd with two brain tumors and i could see cveti was slowing down and the london life was not for cveti anymore cveti just wanted her big garden to do what cveti wanted to do and she did amazeing things with the garden.mate my be i will see on the banks of the styx.till then day by day and my up most respect.

So I’ve just got home after being out most of the day pottering in charity shops, sitting in the seafront, seeing mum. 
I needed to be busy after a difficult but necessary phone call with a Psychology Wellbeing Practitioner for an assessment for counselling etc. 

It was a challenging, for me, call. With lots of crying and sobbing.
But admitting to her, over the phone, what I hadnt been able to admit to my previous counsellor or Mental Health Wellbeing Nurse face to face. 
It was cathartic and good to be honest. 

Letters on the door mat. 
Including a speeding fine. 
I passed my test, after my beautiful Valen suggested it would be good for me and with his patient support, 1 year ago in 2 weeks.

I felt okay filling out the form. 
A case of me feeling “Whatever. Don’t give a damn”. 
But now Im really upset and tearful and agitated. 
He would be so annoyed with me. He was never, ever, cross with me. At least not to my face. 
But I feel so overwhelming that I have disappointed him. 
Let him down.

I keep telling him I’m so sorry. Asking him not to be upset with me. 
I just feel really bad.

MrsVT,

 You have not let anyone down, these things happen.  We are all going through the worst time of are lives. Stuff is going to happen and are loved ones will know we are doing are best. Valen sounds like my Sue ,she would have rolled her eyes and called me an idiot, smiled at me at that's it.

 Last night I was looking at a picture of Sue crying. Telling her I can't believe she has gone. 

 I know the slightest thing upsets us at the moment. Take care 

Thank you GhostLoveStory

Im trying so bloody hard to do this. 
Get through this day by day, day to day. 

We all are.  

It’s bad enough feeling so guilty when I do have a relatively good day.  
I felt so proud and knew he would be so impressed when I didn’t freak out over that frog coming in the conservatory. 
And now I feel so damn stupid and incompetent and careless and just, you know, just.

I know this will pass. 
The desire to go out and smash the car windows and lights has passed - thankfully. 
So I’ll go with the crying flow for now and hopefully the Jurassic Park film marathon that appears to be on will pull me through tonight.

Thank you x

I just can't switch off and unwind at the moment just tried a 12 min relaxation breathing exercise lit candle cushions around me I tried but it was pointless. 

Went to bed this afternoon for a rest  after a walk this morning that I was pleased id managed to do again that didn't work either. Pace around my home like a little dog whose waiting for its owner to come back . No one else here just me ! 

(  I know I'm a little anxious about my biopsy coming up but I also believe everything is ok and not too much to worry about. ) 

1. Have downloaded some desert island discs to listen to which I always listened to on aeroplane journey but usually fell asleep and missed most of it so maybe these may help me Wednesday but then I know I'll get upset thinking the last time I listened to this my husband was beside me !  Still haven't had TV or radio on so if I get to listen to at least one of these that may be a little step forward for me. 

Anyway I'm off to bed early again get today outta the way what a mess eh !  

Got to sort myself out .

This speeding ticket has really really got to me. 
I haven’t been able to stop crying off and on all afternoon and evening and night. 
Jurassic Park films helped a little but as we watched them so often I know large chunks word for word, so they didn’t really distract.  
I did some of my diamond art. Got tired, came to bed and as soon as I got in I was wide awake again. 
Did an hour of jigsaw which usually helps. Got tired, came to bed and wide awake again. 
Put some zen type music on. Upset me as  Allen liked to listen to it in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep.  
I think I may give up on tonight and just get up and watch another film.

Just can’t shake this feeling of disappointing, letting my beautiful Valen down with that speeding ticket. 
I do need him to hug it away.

I hope you managed to get some sleep. 

I know you didn't like it, I can't believe I am getting ready to go to a bereavement coffee morning. I'm 57 and the youngest. 23 weeks in.

 MrsVT, we are very emotional at the moment.  All are fears and emotions are running high. From what you have said and told us about Valen, I don't think he would feel like you have let him down. I wish I could find the right words. 

We are all allowed bad wave days. Take care

That's interesting I saw a poster in my docs and pencilled it in my diary bereavement coffee in the early evening though. Debating about whether to go and if it will help in a few weeks time.

I called to check something today and end up crying on the phone again I wish I could stop that! And hold it together more 

Hope it goes ok for you.